Someone I hadn't heard from in 3 years reached out to me on fb saying "hey i didn't remember your name, i went through all of my fb friends to find you, remember when you were hit by a truck and in the hospital bedridden and you said - if one more person tells me about the law of attraction I will kill them? can I use that sentence in my blog?
what a way to wake up.. or i should say start my workday. thankfully, I recently picked back up my sacred 5 min morning meditation and believe it or not, this simple practice makes a big difference in my reactive vs proactive nature.
I will confess though, that I was still slightly triggered by his use of language, which ties into sonar vs story, and into how clearly, I am still a bit more reactive than I would like to be, yet learning very fast how to manage my emotions objectively, and for this I'm thankful.
I explained to this person, that it felt a bit rough to hear those words, especially considering we hadn't spoken in so long, and knowing that post-car-accident, he had not asked me how I was doing, we had not continued our connection at all.
In fact, I had met this person at an entrepreneurs meet up in Buenos Aires Argentina, he was from Europe, we had agreed to collaborate and share networks, but then he proceeded to ignore me for the following year, dismissing me whenever I reached out, saying something like "my company is taking all of my time right now" which I can understand.. I was just wanting to learn more and help out, I was really interested in their nomadic project, at the time similar to my lifestyle.
I explained to him that making contact to ask me about the most terrifying time in my life, should not be taken lightly and that it is unfortunate that he wanted to connect out of me being a useful sentence in his blog.
what was even more ironic is that he wanted to use this sentence, to reinforce his viewpoint about not believing in the law of attraction, so I explained that since then, my understanding of such has shifted and I actually believe I have built my entire life based on intuition and can very much see how the law of attraction plays a role in it.
Back then... my response of "if one more person tells me about the law of attraction ill lose my marbles" was connected one more time, to language, and the difference between using language as sonar vs using language for a story, and compassion in general.
-- More about that time of my life, and "losing my freedom on liberty avenue" here. https://www.amazon.com/Backpacker-Evangelists-Its-not-environment-ebook/dp/B019HM6V3Q
when we are in situations of pain, when we clearly have attracted a difficult lesson, we are in the middle of the sandstorm, and can't see clearly the reasons leading up to our current situation, for spiritual people to tell you at that moment that "it's your fault and you made this happen for your highest evolution" it not really that helpful. :)
in my experience, sitting with this person with deep compassion and sending love and support is more helpful, instead of wanting them to immediately understand what they did wrong. there is a period of healing that must take place, with soft hearts and space for the sediment and noise to settle.
The main difference in the above mentioned is: one person is hurt and expressing their story from an emotional place, and the other one is delivering a logical solution. This makes the emotional person feel that their emotions are not being received, and instead are being provided with a structured solution which should fix it instantly or make you see the truth, which makes them feel that their emotions are being dismissed and disregarded.
The emotional person is wanting to stay in the emotional state to process it for as long as it takes, prior to moving into solving the problem, or finding the peace and understanding, the emotional person feels rushed when solutions are being provided, and wants the logical person so say nothing and hold space for their emotions to be felt and transcend.
It is tough to get to a peaceful equal ground when logic argues with emotion, we need to both be on the same track of language in order to find common ground. Usually, if the logical person can identify this distinction, and say something like "I hear you, that must be hard or I'm sry you feel this way" and the provides the logical solution, or if the emotional person can identify the opposite and say "hey I don't feel my emotions are being received because you are providing logical solutions to me right now, I just want my feelings to reach you, can you compassionately feel what I'm feeling or empathise with what it would feel like?" usually the argument starts to dissolve - thankful for my loving partner and all of our communication learning together lately.
This has also been really useful in all of my life dynamics with anyone I encounter.
Of course, this is not the only way to help, another extreme approach is to use language as sonar, which feels at times like continuing to press into "shifting" this person to identify the difference between what they are saying as they use language as sonar vs language as a story, this is an intense and rough approach, and also very helpful to understand how we create our own life by speaking into the universe the vibrations (sonar) that will attract back the situations for us to expand our consciousness... hence, the law of attraction.
In this case, at first I felt I had to disregard or ignore my emotion, in order to see this version of truth, but this is not what seeing language as sonar asks you to do, it asks you to observe your state of being, and simply notice when you are changing states, if your energy level goes up with excitement when speaking or sadness, etc. This way you can see your emotion, and see where its taking you, and consciously choose to act from inside of that place, or with that emotion sitting right next to you, and make logical decisions. This has been extremely useful to learn. it has re-defined for me completely what it means to act consciously, and from a place of awareness. Awareness of what? of everything equally, my environment, people's and my own intentions, and also whether my emotions are helping me or keeping me from finding my way back to peaceful joy and gratitude.
Anything we speak or write, or spell out, counts as casting spells into the universe, growing the vibration, or giving more energy to whatever we are talking about. Nothing you don't know by now if you are reading this, however always a good reminder. I find myself still grateful for the reminders every time.
Here is a typical one.. money, if when we think about money we feel sad, "I don't have enough" im not good enough, that is the energy and vibration we feed into those words connected with our stories and our emotions, which contribute to us acting in a specific way, making certain decisions, etc. if i feel shame or lack of self-worth, i will take jobs and opportunities that match my resonance, i will also not pursue others that i feel im not good enough for, i won't ask for the level of compensation that i dont believe i could return in value, etc. If when we think or feel into money we feel taken care of, know that we attract it effortlessly, know that we love paying our bills bc there is always more $ flowing into our world, know that money is just a currency, hence a - current we can see - hence a flow of energy like any other energetic exchange, and we can free ourselves from weird old patterns instilled in us by our parents or absorbed by us from our society and start enjoying the equal energy exchange, however, we want to manifest or attract it. Easier said than done because as mentioned above, knowing this logically, doesn't mean acting on this emotionally happens automatically, it takes changing old patterns, hyper-awareness of unconscious self-talk, etc.
I believe I have always understood poetry and matching peoples vibration for a desired outcome. When I was 18, backpacking around the world living a wildlife, I still used this understanding at times for manipulation, I did not do this consciously, however looking back, I see this clearly. As the years have gone by, and I continued obsessing over communication techniques, encountering sonar vs story has deconstructed a lot of what I knew was true.
This approach of using language as sonar can feel much less compassionate in practice, especially if we are talking about a recent event, and then again at its root cause, if the intention is to help, it is also beautiful. This is where methods such as circling, radical honesty, and authentic relating come into place. Radical honesty falls more into the story category, and circling or shifting more into sonnar. Depending on the practitioner facilitating, these can have elements of both, and there are hundreds of these practices out there.
Anyway, I get it, this dude just wanted to write his blog, and his male directional brain wanted a factual example to back up his story. Another thing I've always attracted is people who need their violent language reflected back at them (because I am also needing constant reminders of how sharp my own language can be)
The reason I even bring this up is because lately focusing on understanding the use of language as sonar, I have been observing everything I say and hear from 3 different brain heart perspectives:
1- textual information, the words
2- seeing people's intentions compassionately, understanding why they are saying this, regardless of how it comes out
3- how this person completely mirrors some aspect of myself, which usually carries a lesson for me
This person was so frustrated with not believing in the law of attraction, that he wanted to write a blog about it, to help others clarify and free themselves from as he put it "some voodoo shit"
his intentions were probably pure, wanting to help and connect like we all do, and I am grateful for him triggering me or me triggering myself with his words, and me clearing some anger from 3 years ago.
so number 1, textual information... he defended his point that he did not lack compassion, that he only asked me about a punctual sentence, I proposed back that phrases are attached to memory and stories and that it can be painful to bring people back to those times in their lives without the appropriate language container.
if I focus on viewpoint number one.. I see his point, and if we take language as textual info, he was right, he was literally just asking me if he could use this sentence in his blog, and he was being super mindful about asking for my permission, even going through his entire list of friends to find me and make contact with me about it.. this leads into 2... compassion and seeing his intention..
even though the language triggered me because to me it was attached to my story and painful memories, if I truly just saw his intention, I would have understood he is going through his own version of seeking truth, and the fact that he is even investigating this and reaching out to anyone who has ever said anything negative about the law of attraction is wonderful, hopefully by the end of his research he will have plenty of people explain that they actually do see how law of attraction works :) and perhaps this is his journey into seeing beyond textual language or isolated statements.
which brings me to point 3, he is a mirror or mine in some way, he showed up at this time in my life where I am studying for lack of a better term, this whole sonar vs story thing in language, he showed up with the most difficult story I have memories and words attached to, to remind me that no matter how logically I get the distinction between intention and textual words, I still get triggered if I don't take the time to breathe and truly feel compassionately his intentions.
Beyond anything he or anyone else can say or even things that people do that seem hurtful, there is always a motive and intention. Most of us are wounded and have weird justifications and old patterns for how we act the way we do, some of them seem evil or heartless, however, I truly believe that everyone is seeking peace and doing the best they can to feel understood or to feel their own inner balance without external approval.
If we can truly identify people's intentions beyond their words and actions at all times, it becomes very difficult to be mad at anyone, and it becomes very easy to forgive and be thankful for their reflections.
I am currently learning some of these sonar vs story lessons from a person who might read this and think.. wow maybe she has learned nothing.. because here I am, telling this in story, however, there is that other part of sonar in language that as a poet I can appreciate, and that is matching peoples state with a sonar vibration for a specific desired outcome of resonance in emotion. Unlike the use of this for manipulation (when i was 18) i can use this to bring people back to feeling heard and understood in their emotions, and slowly, shift them back into understanding the difference between story and sonar.
this is when things get even more complex. ideally, i always want to be in a state of peace and tranquility, not acting or reacting from an emotional approach, ideally i observe everything from love gratitude and joy and nothing moves me, just like the mountain.
this is going to be an example of me going into story to justify what I'm saying next - As a person who grew up in an interesting household with a mother who didnt process much emotion and a father who was very angry, which was truly sadness underneath, I build my strengths knowing I could very much comprehend and manipulate or dissect emotion. I went on to study communication and social interaction in college, and I take pride in teaching anyone how to freestyle rap in 10 minutes by mind-hacking your way into a flow of emotion. I am a poet by trade - if curious see spanglish poetry book here - https://www.amazon.com/Sacred-Silly-Nanu-Berks-ebook/dp/B075LLVLZT
and again very proud of understanding and being able to use language to compassionately shift people into understanding one another. This has brought me or attracted ;) many epic opportunities advising companies in their brand voice or culture, I have been able to help hundreds of coaching clients, it has allowed me to continue clearing my shadows in a way that I can offer myself in service as a voice for transmissions or channelings that come through me with messages for us by taping into source, and etc, etc, i could keep justifying why I love language and poetry, however truly mastering language and communication, is being shown to me from a completely different perspective now, by using language as sonar, which sometimes feels like ignoring emotion.. but with practice its more like observing how my emotional state brings me further or closer to balance and peace.
I remember about 3 years ago feeling ecstatically happy, after relearning how to walk and coming out of a suicidal depression that lasted long enough to worry everyone I had ever known... too long :p - i remember being at a vegan raw festival and having one of the meditation masters approach me to say "being this happy is equally useless as being depressed, you exhaust your energy and you are not in a peaceful balance" i immediately got angry at him, feeling dismissed and how could he not understand what i had just gone through, how sad I had felt, and that being alive at all was a win for me, well 2 years later, this made a lot of sense, yes, being that happy all the time is known as "hedonic happiness"
"Hedonic well-being is based on the notion that increased pleasure and decreased pain leads to happiness. Hedonic concepts are based on the notion of subjective well-being. Subjective well-being is a scientific term that is commonly used to denote the 'happy or good life'" - wikipedia but look it up ;) i learned most of my happiness science from the happiness doctor Aymee Coget, shes an epic inspiration, find her here https://www.happinessforhumankind.com/
true hapiness comes from a place of peace and stillness, the innate joy ob being, the eternal gratitude and joy of being and simply being alive.
that was me going into story above again as an example.
This practice of identifying language as sonar does not ask you to ignore emotion, it asks you to very clearly identify when you are about to react or even act based on an emotional impulse that brings you out of the state of joy and gratitude, balance and peace.
This was hard for me to even learn to appreciate, I am very interested in experiencing the full range of human emotion, im interested and have enjoyed experiencing addiction at different levels, and suicidal depression, I enjoy experiencing everything that my human vessel can experience throughout all of my senses in this 100 ish year-long video game i chose to play with this time around. To me this full range is all of the human experience, however at 28, im tired of being on the hampster wheel of happy vs sad, of good enough yet always seeking for balance, I am ready to exist in a state of joy and gratitude at all times... yes ambitious, also very possible.
We have the most science and research to understand how these procesess of language and emotion affect our states, now than ever before, and how to even measure and track manifestation or the law of attraction.
I am now really enjoying being able to always experience peace, regardless of my environment or situation, this is not my constant yet, but I am getting closer.
After typing all of this I feel grateful for my encounter with this person who randomly or perhaps serendipitously reached out to me today. I triggered myself into releasing anger and into typing this bit about language that I have been wanting to share for a long time.
What is even more funny to me now, is that I asked him to not miss represent me in his blog, to please not use my sentence against law of attraction, and to perhaps not use me as an example at all, and I ended up writing a blog about the law of attraction using his quote and him as an example in my story :) i feel like a slight hypocrite so i will share this story with him, and will be open to speaking with him more about his blog, in his journey to understanding or not, the law of attraction.
we are all in constant reflectionship and for this im also thankful :)
- this is one of the many ways in which language as sonar shows up for me in my learnings, there are other versions and ways of interpreting this and even using this term, i will continue to write about my findings and experiences with language as sonar as i move through using this distinction in the world. language is a complex experience and this is the tip of the iceberg.
for those of you who asked in my social, i am currently only offering mind-body color map readings, these are per donation and short 30-1hr sessions, they help us identify some of our emotional blockages and advantages in colors shapes and symbols, as well as downloading or retrieving some ancient keys that we can use to process them and move forward into more efficiency with our goals. i will put up the testimonials up on my site soon, and will come back with a full coaching program in 6 months but taking it slow yall, my main lesson right now is prioritizing heling and learning to slow down without losing momentum or efficiency :)
much love and thank you for reading. if you found this useful pls share with your reflectionships
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