Where am I going with this...
What if I'm already in the place I need to be? What if that place isn't actually a place at all, rather a feeling: a feeling of belonging inside my own skin; a feeling of acceptance?
I don't need to win.
What if the inspiration that I thought I needed to be, was really something I just wanted the freedom to see. I feel inspired by so many things! I'm so happy I get the time to explore what I previously thought didn't matter,
YOU!
You are so amazing, so brilliant.
At my every turn, you are there! When I forget to look, you remind me to breath. You are always present.. in all ways aware.. you are my number one fan.. my audience.. my love.. and yet...
You are not mine at all.
What if what I was seeking to have is actually seeking me. What if what I need to be is someone seeking. What if all the problems I "think" I have.. are just manifestations of my conditioned mindset and outdated understanding of how life works.
I'm driven to be sensational.
I sense the nation. I sense the people..
I love you all!
It's not fair that I feel I need to isolate myself from the world out of the fear that I won't be accepted and the need to allow people to be as they are.. unchanged by me. Maybe I'm the person the world is waiting for though. Maybe this is my world because I identify with everyone in it. Maybe I should have all the money and power because I'm helplessly in love with supporting whoever I can, wherever I can, whenever I can, however I can, with whatever can for whatever reason.
When I had what I needed, I was conceded, so full of myself.
All I used to care about was what was in it for me. It broke my spirit over time - to grind so hard, expecting someone to be proud of me for all the work I did. I ended up in a place where I wasn't even proud of myself.
Not only that, but to discover that the reason I wasn't proud of myself was because of the conditioning I was taking in - that I was so used to taking in - was infecting my own mind and needed to be removed.
What if I needed a break from everyone because I couldn't bare to see myself in comparison. What if now that I see myself as "both and," I do truly need to be around more people.
Who will be there for me to love?
Who can I impact?
Who will embrace me fully without trying to take ownership of my life?
Who can actually ride this wave that is Jayce Games?
That... Is what I'm ready and willing to find out.π
All that is-ness... IS my business.
~Aloha~