One week until D-Day #39weeks - Diary in times of Corona #1

in #corona4 years ago (edited)

Dear future historians. This is my first attempt to keep track of my thoughts. And perhaps keep sane. During a time when the world seems to unravel at even greater speeds than normal. In a time when reading the news is even more upsetting than normal. In a time when what is normal might be redefined...

I'm approaching my due date. One more week until I hit that date that has been marked in my calendar for nine months... the date I was looking forward to, and still am. But with very different feelings.

People around the world are in increasing degrees of lockdown. In China this started some two months ago. In the Netherlands, where I live, about a week ago. In some parts of the world people are still wandering about care-free. Personally I have been inside my home for a few months now. Sick with being pregnant, hardly able to do anything but visit my midwife. Throwing up almost every day, nauseous for 80% of the day, resulting in difficulties sleeping and eating. I could easily recount how many times I went out on non-essential trips in the past months. Or, in other words, this 'lockdown' is not a big deal for me. I wasn't seeing many people anyway and I was stuck on the couch already. But even though physical distancing is easy, that doesn't mean I'm not affected.

Despite spending those months training myself to relax, to prepare for home-birthing, for the approaching life-changing event of motherhood that is about to happen to me, the last weeks have been tough. I've been thinking of not reading the news anymore for a few days now, but I can't make myself do it. Even though I feel the stress building up every time I pick up my phone to check the 'corona livetracker'.

Philosophy, History, and/or World Peace?

I'm used to news reports being bad. But now 95% of the news seems to be alarming. Conspiracy theorists and right-wing extremists are having a field-day at Twitter. There was one news report that made me cry; UN Secretary General proposing a world-wide end of war. I cried because if true, if it would happen, it would mean there would be world peace for the first time in - forever? But nobody seemed to notice, everybody was thrown back to a Hobbesian survival-mode, in which their own life was so much more important that the life of the other.

As a philosopher, as someone who has written a PhD and published a book on radical change, it seems like the time to also say something about what is happening right now. And I'll probably will. One day. Like everyone else will say something more or less meaningful. For now, I'm mostly taking care of myself, my mental state, my ever growing body harboring a small child that is about to enter a world that I changes more rapidly than ever before. And although the changes are enormous, they are not radical. Perhaps not yet.

This is perhaps the moment for which we've studied history, saying history shouldn't be repeated. And perhaps it's silly to think that initial responses to a world-wide crisis of this size can be anything but a repetition of the status quo. But I do have hope.

We're all in different stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I hope the denial won't be too long, that anger won't destroy what we hold dear, that we don't bargain away the most precious parts of society and that through the depression we might embrace what is truly important to us humans. And most of all, I hope that acceptance doesn't mean a repetition of everything that already was true, but acceptance of what used to be impossible.

Disclaimer: This diary is an attempt to write down thoughts as they are present in a specific moment, and not aimed at presenting coherent arguments.

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It's time to post a picture of that bambino, @nobyeni!

In terms of world crises, extremists and grief, it seems not much has changed since March! I'm going to just stick my head in the sand and write fiction until everything blows over.

Yes, and perhaps those things will not change any time soon... so I'll stick my head in the sand as well, and keep writing... while being a mother :)

I think it’s empowering to do the things that are in our control and let a lot of other things go. Kiss that baby for me. ❤️

i don't think they will be wandering care-free for much longer ... look at the state of the states after a few weeks of postponing , when it comes it comes like an explosion . I don't even wanna think what's gonna happen in poorest places ... africa/south-africa , south american favelas , india ... its not like you're gonna get real numbers, even without censoring or withholding , and in china almost 4 months into it (as i spoke with someone who lives there this week) the spread has been contained but the isolation rules are still in check

Good luck. Stay safe and healthy.