I don’t know why I kept opening my fridge hoping it wasn’t true. After two full weeks of sheltering, I cooked the last of the fresh vegetables I had. I’m tinged with a doom and gloom dreadful feeling at the thought of going outside.
To buy groceries.
I haven’t had any breathing issues in a while but I’m familiar with the fear of not being able to breathe. I know what it’s like sitting up after midnight wondering if I should go to the emergency room. A night out where I was exposed to cigarette smoke set me off. I thought I could wash it away but a steaming shower enveloped me in the smell of cigarettes. I became overwhelmed. I wheezed and cried terrified about needing to visit the hospital in an unfamiliar city while a boyfriend worked on calming me down. I was able to gain control of my breathing.
Even though I’m taking vitamins daily and am feeling relatively well, I’m not feeling enthusiastic about going out to grab some bananas and broccoli. I’m sheltering solo and the thought of getting sick is scary. My family is hours away and I heard that those infected with the virus go to the hospital alone. There’s no room to risk a friend or family member to be there for comfort. My neighbors keep checking on me before they head to the grocery store but I’ve not taken up on their offer to grab groceries for me. I’m scared for them.
I have enough food to carry me on for another week or so. Maybe more. Its easy to occupy myself that I forget about eating til well in the evening. A cup of tea or coffee sustains me. I have students to FaceTime and forget about food and a lot of reading to catch up daily with online. Have you heard of Ｑ? Playing catch-up with a movement I heard about a couple years ago and forgot about is especially relevant today. The Q stuff.... wow. If this movement is true... wow. Reading on the Q movement is what makes me feel less afraid. Makes me feel ok that I’m out of broccoli.
My fridge looks far from looking bleak. I have frozen peas, corn, and meats and bread. I’m a mini prepper and am learning how to better stock my pantry in the future. I made broccoli cheese soup using the cheese blocks that come in those Christmas gift baskets. It turned out very nice despite doing a lot of substitutions.
So far there’s been ELEVEN confirmed coronavirus cases in Studio City. Most everyone is sheltering and following the social distancing safety protocols. I heard that Trader Joe’s only allows 30 people inside at a time, they disinfect your cart or basket before handing it to you, and they make sure customers don’t play touchy touchy with store items to minimize risk. I’d like to feel brave enough to do my own grocery shopping but I may need to let my neighbor go for me.
I thought Los Angeles would hit pandemonium this week but people are civil and caring looking after one another. Occasionally, I hear of people deliberately sneezing or coughing on food to lay claim on a section of food. But, mostly I hear good stories; stories that strengthens my faith in goodness and humanity. There’s a neighbor up the road who is leaving cans of dog food for those who don’t have any for their pet. My neighbor took this photo.
My sis in-law says we’re still sitting in the calm before the storm. I hope that even if infections and fear rise that we continue staying calm and that society doesn’t go into chaos. There’s still those that aren’t as concerned about social distancing because they are low risk. I listened to neighbors partying this afternoon. They were drinking it up and enjoying this time as a vacation of sorts.
It feels really odd hearing a loud drunk party while I’m sitting here wondering if a trip to the grocery store will be a fatal choice. Gosh, I hope they don’t get sick. I hope they don’t get people sick. It’s recommended that we don’t gather in groups but it’s not against the law. If things go south though and people get sick at an uptick, I hope people don’t need some authorized grown up to tell folks to go home and help flatten the curve.
Can you imagine after all these years of saying “Thank you for your service,” being approached because you blatantly aren’t caring about the health of our country and the efforts that everyone is putting in to help our hospitals not be overwhelmed? I hope we will be okay riding this storm. I hope that our efforts to flatten the curve is helping.
I hope to not be afraid to go grocery shopping. I’m looking forward to the day when we can all breathe and not be worried.
Be safe and good health to you.
JNET
Thank you for this post. I do hope everything will be okay for you.
I will be including this in the next edition of the #coronadiaries.
Thanks. Sheltering solo and doing ok thanks to technology and also naturally comfortable with solitude as an introvert. I’m moved by the many acts of kindness. In not being distracted by what used to capture our daily attention, we’re more humane and centered. It’s beautiful to see as we live in a space of disruption.
Take care and good health to you.
J
Glad to see you here on Hive.
While I don't share the same fear as many over this Corona, I understand many do. I believe it is more vital now than ever to continue eating fresh fruits and veggies, and taking supplements for any you may be lacking. Is there any way you can maybe coordinate with the boyfriend you mentioned, or with close friends or neighbors to have someone go for the group to pick these things up?
Not sure if they have it there either, but some markets here offer delivery, and I live in a small town.
Please keep in mind that your true self that remains calm in the midst of the storm is always there, even if dimmed by the thoughts those around you try to bind to you. I have always found that to be one of your strongest traits since I found your first post. It will continue to serve you if you nurture it.
Thanks always for your kind words. I found my favorite ethnic market that I frequent does delivery. Through an app several grocery stores do delivery throughout my neighborhood. I will be trying them out this week. For $10 delivery and tip charge, I have peace of mind.
I’m hoping this lockdown comes to an end sooner than later. I hear conflicting accounts. For the interim, I’d rather be safe. Writing and teaching online helps me feel not so isolated.
Be safe and good health to you.
J