The crazy minds behind @crowdmind have launched a contest called HOW TO INTRODUCE THE CULT OF CTHULHU TO YOUR WORKPLACE?.
This is my concise submission.
First of all, it's necessary that you know that I am actually introducing the cult of Cthulhu in my workplace for some months already.
The reasons why I'm doing this are the usual: boredom, frustration, a way to express dissent spreading chaos.
To explain my method, I have to start from the basics of Lovecraftian horror.
In H.P. Lovecraft works, horror comes from the UNKNOWN, expecially otherwordly. Incredibly ancient and inhuman beings, that should be forever forgotten and unknown, come to the attention of some unfortunate WITNESS, driving them to MADNESS.
There's no way of salvation, except for very rare cases, and the awareness that humankind is not the dominant culture in the world, but only the last, fragile, patina of rationality over an abyss of infinite depth, both in time and space, where insensitive and obtuse deities act according to instincts that are completely alien to human thought, even they completely ignore human rationality and they could erase it without even realizing it.
So... I believe the best way to introduce the Cult to my workplace should be inspiring a feeling of ANXIETY for the unknown and the meaningless.
Since I work in several schools, I started to let here and there GREAT OLD ONES SYMBOLS on black and white boards.
My goal is to make people feel uncomfortable and ask themselves the meaning of these mysterious drawings that seem to appear here and there, persecuting them.
This is actually very small, yet in plain sight; some people can notice it where others not; that's good, as those who noticed it could doubt whether to talk to others about it and look a little crazy, or conceal their discovery.
Eventually, someone may read up on this symbol, discovering its correlation with the Cthulhu Myths, and this, besides spreading excellent horror literature, will only lead to further CONFUSION:
- Why the symbol of the Great Old Ones appears on the blackboards of several schools?
- Do kids of 6-12 years know Lovecraft? If so, do we have to call social services?
- Is English teacher definetly gone nuts?
- Are all the janitors Dagonians?
- Is someone or something trying to leave a message to someone, or something?
- What's the point with all this?
I love this one in particular because it's green. Cthulhu loves green! I tried to get a "color out of space" chalk, but I think I could find it only in the worse kindergarten's bathrooms...
When anxiety and chaos will have spread, it is as if a Cult had already been established in a completely spontaneous way, there is no need for much else (even if using the school switchboard to call random numbers and whisper "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn" could be a nice integration).
The symbol of the Great Old Ones is a roughly designed star, which it's very useful as I have to act quickly and I have the artistic skills of a shoggoth.
At a certain moment, to spread even more confusion, I started to create bizarre alternative symbols.
This makes me very proud: it has lasted for three weeks hidden behind the calendar, from where it continues to spread its nefarious influence. It could be discovered in years! This says a lot about school hygiene, among other things...
Well! That's all! I'm going to sleep, since I have to be at work in four hours and I'm still here at the PC, writing crap...
Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn! to all of you and families, not to mention your goats with a thousand young!
P.S.: Beware of seafood, if you're allergic like Uncle Howard ....
The house of all the Freewriters!
Follow the Bananafish, follow its trail!
When the day comes, you'll be one of those who will be chosen :D
This would be an amazing entry to comedy open mic too. Have you heard about this contest before?
I can't imagine that anyone would blame an adult person for these signs. I must say that you're not that good at drawing and it does look like it's a work of a little boy/girl :D so you're fine and I'm sure that you won't be suspected of these deeds :D
I guess it lasted three weeks until it was discovered behind the calendar as it was a new month, wasn't it? :D I wouldn't touch my calendar until the next month either :)
Great story! Good luck with the contest! :)
Have a nice weekend :)
Knowing a little about the Great Old Ones, being chosen will not end well for me...
I've heard of open mic, but my ability to talk in English is comparable to my ability to draw the Derleth's Elder Sign, so I must decline the suggestion...
The Elder Sign is described as a "five-pointed star that has been distorted along its lines and contains an eye-flame symbol in the center". The fact I draw them so bad is partially due to my try to make them "distorted".
Last time I checked, the one behind the calendar was still there...
Thank you for reading my delusions, have a nice weekend you too
Hahah. I don't know there's this meteorite in my garden, maybe you want to create a chalk out of it?
You lazy ass! You didn't want to write this and I had to push you and look now.. a wonderful piece, clever and sickly didactic! I love it, you didn't exaggerate and you actually described one of the best strategies to spread uncertainty and that needed sparkle of madness in everyday life (remember my fly in the archive?). Most of all, what's better than someone that answers "oh that? I'm already doing it since months". Genius.
I slept 3 hours, who's the lazy ass? :P
Is this all you've to tell me after my lovely message? I don't care of your late night darkweb activities 😂
You should restart with tombs for flies and mini-portraits... madness is a warm blanket that comforts you when the cold reason risks grinding you like a corned rye grain!
My late night darkweb activities were reviewing a lot of haiku and writing this post...the golden times when I couldn't say if porn distracted me from videogames or vice versa are long gone.
Ahh those lovely porn activities, how many memories! We cannot even say that we passed from watching it to doing it.. well you more than me perhaphs 😛
you two are funny
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Thank you!
I'm a bit surprised about the attention given to my humourous post.
If you want to include a little statement to the article, you can use this:
"I'm an Italian guy who's constantly trying to find the funny side in the nonsense, gray, everyday routine. I write games, poems and silly things."
Of course, one of the great ol’ Grandmasters d’Italia chose to contribute towards the great efforts of conversion and religious acceptance for Cthulhu, the Great Old One. I must be giving high praise and charity for such a great act to even commit to your guide and say you have given us a good particular case for your guide. Just liken to the post made by @calluna whence she had infilitrated the magazine / news journalism space for oure recruiting efforts. So far into such and so well crafted are these two posts that I must relish in saying ye two deserve thy @curie upvotes.
(If I were to remark crudely, it seems as if the entries have yet to cite directly from the Cthulhan [expunged by Spooky’s Secret Services for even an obscure reference to the works that shall not be named... reproccessing comment string:] works, often misnomered to be the Cthulhu mythos, and the Necronomicon in the sweet, eldritch language. One only the true believers can see, so as to truly conceal oure toungues from heathens and heretics that wish to wedge oure communities apart. And equally so that we can truly find oure supporters and not clowns that think this irony. However, seems as we maybe able to recruit new followers to the cause and I shall bleed so as to convert and cite the texts as to makr that possible for future recruitment and less straying away from oure Great Old One.)
In any such case, let us now go back to say that at certain parts I felt the post itself was a mere diary entry that one cleverly snuck in. Other points a blog post on a blog site, dunno what made me feel that one on a blog post site such as this; the diary one makes sense with yer acute loving moments as points. With those two cases, I must congratulate yah again on earning that @curie upvote, drawn those suck- I mean curious folks to support oure efforts and strides. Well done, barrzo dobrze!~
Abdul Alhazred, is this you? :P
Your plan is seriously diabolical and I'm now calling the cult of child services.
ring - ring "Hello"
"I like to report..."
"How on earth did that cult survive. We'll get right on it. No one shall out-do us!"
haha
Your efforts are noted, my child. When the stars are right, you will receive the proper reward.
So lucky! Or not...
Nice story👍👏
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This is the unfathomable and non-Euclidean power of the Great Cthulhu!!!
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We want to see your Cthulhian delirium @theironfelix!
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STOPYour post seemed very rewarding to read. apart from that you motivated me to leave simbilos out there. to spread the cult to Cthulhu
This is good! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Hidden symbols are everywhere. Ha ha.
Everywhere...but I'm gonna change symbols
Lovely symbols plus lovely thoughts behind them. I really love every piece you have in there and I love your choice of pictures too. I know the trend to promote this lovely cause will make a great difference in the life of other students and schools as a whole.
I hope you enjoyed your four hours sleep. But I will still say sleep like a baby..... Lol.
I really enjoyed every bit of you in there. Great post and keep the writing spirit up
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Thank you very much!
You are humbly welcome
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But isn't the elder sign supposed to be a ward against the Great Old Ones?
You don't try to ward against something that you don't believe it exist
Valid point.
Even though I don't know a great deal bout cthulhu, your story still made me laugh, perhaps because I taught school many years ago and wish I had thought up something like this 'way back then!
I'm glad to have given you a good laugh!
Redundant. For the bottom decile, real wages have not risen in the USA since the 1970's.
Prematurata con scappellamento a destra
Non dimenticare gli antani!!
Hahaha. This was hillarious.
I loved the one hidden behind the callendar. What schools are we talking about?
It made me remember my HS. We made an experiment when we started and proved that for 5 years noone cleaned the windows of any classroom. We had left some messages written and 5 years later they were still there. Had I known Lovecraft then I might have concocted something far more sinister.
For our graduation speech the principal wanted me to include a note thanking the janitorial team, as a courtesy. Hell no!
I can relate!