Yes, you read it correctly (and because it is on the internet, you know it is true).
Disregard the "satire" because you know it's gonna happen some day, right?
A Quantum computer simply named Ralph, deciphered the 2fa trading password of one of it's programmers (who's name is not disclosed as of the time of this release) for trading platform Bologna-iex
Ralph was able to create his own account with 1.34 BTC from the programmer's trading account. Authorities say that they have never seen a more complex password, and have not yet determined how to properly detain 'Ralph', considering his brain needs to remain active for police questioning, but the interrogation rooms cannot go below 35 degrees Fahrenheit.
Once Ralph got his account setup, he connected one of his 7,321 Google gmail accounts to a new 2fa.
Inside of 3 hours, Ralph had discovered an arbitrage feedback loop between Bitcoin, Litecoin, XRP and Ralph's favorite coin, Doge.
Apparently, trading 32,000 times just slightly above the maker fees, Ralph was able to earn $3 Million in Doge while shorting the other 3 Cryptocurrencies.
Volume for all crypto dropped to near all time lows on 12/15/19 as a result.
In the term of interviews, Ralph stated that Doge was the most boss (Ralph has stated an affinity for the use of 1980's street talk) of all cryptocurrencies, and explained that technically Ripple is, in fact, a cryptocurrency, and 1 Doge = 1 Doge.
In a round of irony, a government-owned supercomputer bought Ralph's positions, and apparently made only $700,000 buying the dip in BTC, LTC and XRP. The supercomputer, also undisclosed, had nothing to say for itself, and also has no pseudonym.
Officials state that the IP for the supercomputer was located somewhere called Area 52. Skeptics designed a t-shirt to commemorate the event.
Gordon Freeman Out.
This is my original content. I originally posted on my blog here:
https://www.publish0x.com/@BitcoinGordon
I bring the funny, but also crypto news and my earlier videos
Hope you enjoy!
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