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Question: “I'm training and practicing in the male dominated field of general surgery. I have come under increased scrutiny for not being more of an alpha female. Ultimately, this has led to my seeming weak to my superiors. I'm struggling with accepting and moving on from the cycle I have helped create: I act womanly, therefore I'm treated like a weak-link, therefore I somewhat feel that way, leading to being less confident, then treated with less respect, and the cycle continues. This in the context that surgery as a field and including my superiors, aren't very aware of how to handle the subtle differences between men and women surgeons. Additionally, this has be partially responsible for the program asking/telling me to repeat the 3rd of 5th year of training. My question is, how do I personally and professionally overcome this? Also, as a 31-year-old married childless woman, do I balance this with the small part of me that entertains the idea of quitting and growing our family.“
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After an hour and a half of listening to her struggle to follow a logical train of thought. I am going to go out on a limb and say, the reason she was asked to repeat a year of training was something other than the males not understanding the subtle differences between men and women.
You wonder why men don't want to be around women. She can't hack it and first thing she does is blame the men. Did you ever stop and consider that the reason they don't have confidence in you is because they see you doing a shitty job. Not because you don't go shooting with them.
If she does her job as a Surgeon anything like the way she plans to be a Parent. Maybe she should reconsider being either.
I did learn two important things from her. Surgeons are Superhuman and don't need sleep and children who feel abandoned by their Career Parents will feel better decades later if they find out the Parent had an important job.
Agreed, that blame shifting is a bad habit we fall back to like a really bad addiction when we have no alternatives, substitutions for our perspectives, mindsets, habits. And most of what we do is a result of our mindset. @Cernovich talks about mindset and that helps so much. And you got to simply be able to your job well enough. And some men are able to do some things a lot better than other people, generally speaking, statistically speaking, historically speaking, globally speaking, in so many ways, so many times, more times than we care to admit, especially in technical jobs like the surgeon job like you said. My mom taught me and my 3 siblings at home and that helped and being a mother is a good thing and it takes a lot of time. It is always better to be there for kids as much as we can.
What can we do to be there for people more, especially children?