I lost my mother in 2019. I was 47, and it was still difficult. When I say "difficult," I mean it almost broke me. I too was racked with guilt after Mom's death. I wonder if everyone feels that way. My Mom was on many medications, and I realized two weeks after she passed that the hospital had forgotten to give her one of them, and that she might have been in pain because of it. That is not the only thing I feel guilty about.
The famous Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh said that his mother's death was the saddest thing that ever happened to him.
I can tell you this: in the past three years, I have become accustomed to my mother being gone. I still cry all of a sudden sometimes. Everyone mourns in their own way.
I personally got a lot of peace when, last year, I finally decided to take some time each day, light a candle, and have a conversation with Mom as though she were present, including discussing my guilt. I know just what she would say if she was there, and, on the one hand, it was nothing like having her back. On the other hand, it is a little like having her back in a way.
Be very kind and patient with yourself. You are so young, and this is hard. I like to think about what my mother would want me to do -- I find it helps. However, it is different for every person.
I am so sorry you have to go through this and when you are so young. I hope you can let go of the guilt or channel it into something constructive for you.
!LUV
!WINE
!PIZZA
!hivebits
Thank you. It's Day 3 now, I haven't truly accepted it. I still talk to her in my head. I don't know if i can do this forever.
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