My disconnect for self preservation was instilled at an early age when my mom was a alcoholic and took me by the hair of the head and bashed my head into the floor repeatedly than proceeded to kick my guts in while laying helpless on the floor. I did finally manage to escape running down the basement and crawling out a basement window. It went on to progress from there. We lived below a lady who was a third degree brown belt and she decided I needed to learn how to defend myself, that ended a lot of my being a victim in life. It hasn't always proved to be a beneficial attributed, basically because most, like yourself, don't/didn't end up still valuing me as you do despite the differences.
If your curious what I did to prompt her anger that day we came home from school and she wasn't there. I didn't know any better at that age so I thought I was doing the logical thing by calling the operator for help. Back than everyone called the operator for help. I asked the operator if she knew where my mom was and she sent the police. Which is probably why my mind goes in fifty different directions accessing every possible outcome to an action.
I wish I wasn't as able to understand that kind of trauma as I am. I have also struggled to wrestle from my parents my responsibility for who, how, and what I am in my own mind, given too similar experiences with yours. While it's hard not to be bitter at abuse and neglect, I found it more affective that I lacked nominal guidance. However, I also am certain sure of things I have found out the hard way since, and that's a powerful benefit.
It also makes me prone to disagree, even if my natural inclination is to be agreeable. Until I am convinced I am wrong I stick to what I think is right, and all too often folks less aware of the differences than someone that learned them from at times catastrophic consequences can only consider disagreement to arise from disagreeability.
I feel fortunate you do understand the difference between disagreeability and disagreement.
My disconnect for self preservation was instilled at an early age when my mom was a alcoholic and took me by the hair of the head and bashed my head into the floor repeatedly than proceeded to kick my guts in while laying helpless on the floor. I did finally manage to escape running down the basement and crawling out a basement window. It went on to progress from there. We lived below a lady who was a third degree brown belt and she decided I needed to learn how to defend myself, that ended a lot of my being a victim in life. It hasn't always proved to be a beneficial attributed, basically because most, like yourself, don't/didn't end up still valuing me as you do despite the differences.
If your curious what I did to prompt her anger that day we came home from school and she wasn't there. I didn't know any better at that age so I thought I was doing the logical thing by calling the operator for help. Back than everyone called the operator for help. I asked the operator if she knew where my mom was and she sent the police. Which is probably why my mind goes in fifty different directions accessing every possible outcome to an action.
I wish I wasn't as able to understand that kind of trauma as I am. I have also struggled to wrestle from my parents my responsibility for who, how, and what I am in my own mind, given too similar experiences with yours. While it's hard not to be bitter at abuse and neglect, I found it more affective that I lacked nominal guidance. However, I also am certain sure of things I have found out the hard way since, and that's a powerful benefit.
It also makes me prone to disagree, even if my natural inclination is to be agreeable. Until I am convinced I am wrong I stick to what I think is right, and all too often folks less aware of the differences than someone that learned them from at times catastrophic consequences can only consider disagreement to arise from disagreeability.
I feel fortunate you do understand the difference between disagreeability and disagreement.