"You're...here.", I managed to say, as he slowly walks towards me.
By this time, I was already starting to well up. I couldn't believe my eyes. Is this true? Is he really here? My mind was going on overdrive and I couldn't contain all the thoughts running in my mind. I couldn't even stand to meet him halfway. I just froze there in my seat, waiting for him to disappear in a second. But he didn't. He came closer...and closer. And then he stood in front of me. He paused, maybe to wait for me to stand. I tried to stand, but as soon as he saw me trying, he grabbed my shoulders and leaned in to hug me.
"Yes. I've missed you so much.", he said, wrapping his arms around me.
I wanted to bury myself in that hug. I didn't want it to end. But I also wanted to know if I could actually wish for it to continue on forever.
"For good? Are you really here? Are you here to stay?"
"Yes, I am."
"I'm glad.". By this time, my eyes didn't care anymore. The waterworks display was on full view and all I could think about was him, staying, finally.
But, from a distance. I saw something.
That something confirmed that this wasn't reality.
I did not want to believe it. But even with his arms around me, all I could think about the presence of that something.
So, with all the strength that I could muster, I uttered under my breath, "This isn't real."
And then I woke up. With tears in my eyes and cheeks, I continued to confirm, "It was just a dream."
You know that film Inception that was released in 2010? It was about people who are able to enter dreams of other people to extract information from their subconscious. Christopher Nolan, the film's director, received a lot of praises for Inception.
In the film, Dom Cobb, the lead, emphasized the importance of a totem. A totem is an object that lets a person confirm if he/she was in his/her own reality or if he/she was in a dream or someone else's dream. Basically, a totem lets you know if you are in the real world or dream world.
Personally, I'm not a fan of films or narratives involving dreams or the subconscious. This is probably due to my inability to remember my dreams. So, I don't really bother with them. But, Inception was different and after watching it, I've been seriously fascinated with dreams, specifically with how Inception introduced the concept of totem.
Back to my dream. That something that I saw was sort-of my totem, my basis if I was dreaming or not.
Usually, I don't remember my dreams. But when I do remember them, I try to write them down as much as I can.
To be honest, I didn't want to write this down. Because it'll be another reminder of how painful leaving can be. But this can also turn out to be something good. For one, it's confirmed that I CAN in fact remember dreams. Hopefully next time, the dreams that I do remember are those that will make me cry tears of joy when I wake up. Until then, thank you, Dom Cobb. Thank you, Inception. Thank you, to my totem.
Photo by Modern Affliction on Unsplash