6 years working from home in different tasks, from virtual assistant, writer, project advisor, translator, English teacher; In the last months this changed a little, due to the extreme sport of immigration. I joined an office away from home, the adaptation, normal and fun, I really do have nothing to complain, I am very grateful because I know very close people with different experiences. Everything in me was apparently fine until the pandemic arrived to the country and in my job we had to abide the quarantine, the uncertainty, fear and all the world anxiety that we share I felt...I feel it.
Being in another nation means much to process; anxiety and uncertainty catch you, the broken heart feels real, the uncontrolled tears become frequent, the feeling of not belonging is overwhelming, sometimes you live all this at the same time, that nostalgia becomes your partner and now you have to add the pandemic and its edges with my first winter is really exhausting.
I've spent a lot of days on the couch, depressed, sad, no action. Unbelievable; for those who know me, they know that I am a person of doing, of making the plan work, even in my planning process it is difficult to be quiet because I always have "a pending task", something to write, show, listen, share and/or study, assuming the new dynamic outside of my home this increased, because I was taking advantage of the benefits of the new country. But 2 months after confinement I recognize a personal fog, the fear between the pandemic and immigration paralyzed me on the couch, forgetting everything I have learned and the reason for leaving my country. But, not anymore, and I want to share what I learned on the couch with you in order to join us in this experience and motivate each other.
How were your first quarantine days?
Day 0: I prepared myself for the depressive avalanche and tears that would probably come, because a year ago I lived through the national blackout in Venezuela, it was devastating and I still kept working, busy. But, this pandemic time, surprise! I found myself motionless on the couch consuming all the content exposed in the differents media.
Day 1, day 2, day 3, the same thing, but without really getting anything, just food, but my eating and sleeping routine has been constantly changing. On day 4 my phone is full of chats asking for creative help or motivation, with challenge notifications and live from all over the world, for some reason I follow the wave but in discomfort. I answered, I exchanged information, I saw videos but there was a void, I really didn't want to do anything, I didn't want to talk to anyone (although I'm not very social, this time I really didn't want to know about anything), it really bothered me to be part of something just because, there I understood the term FOMO.
Fear of Missing Out
Nowadays, virtual and real reality push you to be in everything, whether it makes sense or not, for me nothing was having it, the absurd became giant, too much exposure, too many people asking for attention and too little of me in all that. Day 5 or 10, I do no know, on the couch, with a great rage after one of those interactions, I realized that I'm not in that wave, that I belong to something else, other people, that I don't need, or maybe I do, but not in that way. I had the audacity to comment on my discomfort to someone and his answer was: "I've already given you my opinion on this, you're for something else". Taraaaaan, it was not the first time I felt outside of that circle, the fog lifted, the guilty feeling of not doing anything on the couch was gone, this was not a new feeling, I was living the famous Burn Out (extreme tiredness), but the tiredness is because I was giving automatic answers, attention to others, both people and projects, while that other thing, which my confidant referred to, was looking for ways to have more of me.
So, how much attention are you giving to yourself?
Day 6th or 16th, I was really resting from these last 6 years, I was accepting that it's time to apply all the consultancies fully in me, in that "you're for something else". It was the assimilation of being in another country and the healing of the wound called: good bye, which woke me up and realized that I need me in the present, here and now. The truth is that I was not so lost, but I was a mess of priorities and although I had already cut through many things, this stop was necessary to make a personal organization.
Day 7th or 17th : El dolce far niente, in Italian the sweet practice of doing nothing, now I understood it as the enjoyment of doing what you have to do where and with whom you are. Now I'm up, out of the couch to work on me, my personal goals and share it with you, because you are a very important motivation for me.
Other things learned on the couch:
- If I get bored, it's because I'm in the wrong place, the wrong activity, etc.
- My friends will always be my friends.
- If I feel it doesn't bring me anything or worse, that it drains my ideas, it's okay to walk away.
- I am devotee of silence, I like to listen more than talking. This is just reaffirmation.
- Revalue my opinion. Believe me, that even a simple like has a lot of value, I regulate them more.
- My creative formula is the same but the way to express and nurture it has changed.
- Therefore my attention and needs go to other things and people.
- It is good to rest as much as necessary.
- Hyper-occupation does not give hyper-productivity.
- Counselors also need counseling. This is also reassurance.
Yes, this is a daily kind of relief, I share it because I know I'm not alone, maybe you are going through a similar situation, this is my way of accompanying you and also to tell me: you have changed or I am really more me, I do not know, the certainty is that it is good to feel good, because changes are the constant.
We do not know how long the quarantine will take, nor the future labour, economic or social repercussions that the future will bring. What we do know is that we are now in this situation of resetting, to devote ourselves to what we know best and achieve dreaming. We are not alone and we will get out of this too.
That's why I want to contribute in your preparation, my willingness to help you is and I also leave here the links that may be of your interest to you while you are on the couch or not.
Thanks for reading me, hope your comments, keep in touch:
Good bro
Thank you