Is it not a complete individual from the family?

Nowadays, many people can loudly declare "I want to live alone". Have you ever thought that such a declaration is the result of the previous generation - just as it is not easy to get a social consensus, and the right to be single is the result of countless women's struggle for and voice.
Why can single state be reproached? The question behind it is: is it not a complete individual from the family?
When the first women to break the limitations of the growth - marriage - born child, the social moral rules and policy systems, whether male dominated, were combined to prevent them. Today, the choice of single women has a more liberal environment than the first, but it does not show that this choice has been recognized by the society and the family, and the new problems of being single: economic poverty, sexual freedom, discrimination, loneliness and so on.
We do not advocate single, many times single (or due to late marriage, or divorce, etc.) is a middle state and a normal state, a woman in the pursuit of gender (partner) equal relationship power in the required stage. Marriage, family, husbands and children do not fully represent the maturity of women. Women with similar doubts, we want to give such thinking to real choice opportunities. We want to know what are the difficulties for those who want to be single, and how to face them in order to make a high quality single life possible?
In a speech recently, Dr. Qian Yue of Columbia University mentioned the proportion of unmarried women of 30-34 year old women in some countries and regions of Asia in forty years, such as China's Taiwan region rising from 2% in 1970 to nearly 40%, South Korea from 1% to close to 30%, and the Chinese mainland seems not so amazing, from 1% to 5%. Other figures show that the number of single women in the United States (including no marriage, bereavement, divorced and separated) has surpassed married women for the first time in the United States. What is even more surprising is that the number of adults under 34 years of age without marriage accounted for 46%.
Whether or not the number of single women in China is more than imagination in the future, single or late marriage is not a single phenomenon in the world. The type of women summed up by Beauvior, that is, women are divided into married, married, married, and unable to get married, and may continue to exist in a long future. But this kind of growth novel (eighteenth Century originated in a German style, male growth novels generally take the hero to the end of the society, the final fate of the female growth novel, the ultimate fate is divorced from the family), has been rewritten by more and more women. The women in the following stories are examples of struggle and exploration. Through their struggles and confusion, we dare to think more possibilities.
History is always amazing.
Every progress makes women closer to freedom The story of Eleanor Ross
Eleanor Ross was born in 1916. She loved animals, loved nature, had great enthusiasm for science, and dreamed of becoming a doctor. But family economic conditions did not allow her to read the Department of medicine. After a successful scholarship, she went to University of Iowa to study biology and became a biology teacher after she graduated.
In the course of teaching, she was popular in a discussion of "Bachelor's Bachelor". The main content is that women have the same enthusiasm and loyalty to their work as men, which have violated their virtuous wife and mother's identity. At the age of 26, she married her colleagues. During World War II, when her husband joined the army, she gave up her job and went to Arkansas with her husband. After the war, they returned home to take over their parents' farms. The husband thought that women should not go out to work, so Eleanor became a diligent and thrifty housewife. The children said, "she is always ill and often suffers from headaches. There is something wrong with her shoulders. Three days a week, she has to kneel on the floor and wipe her stains with her hands."
Twenty years after she got her biology degree, one day, a local college accountant came to her to substitute for a biological teacher who died. Eleanor asked her husband for permission, and the husband nodded to help him for weeks. Later, Eleanor retired twenty-two years later and was awarded an honorary doctorate. This is the story of "my loneliness, my self: the age of a single woman," Rebecca Treister's mother told her that the protagonist was her grandmother. When she told the story of Rebecca, her mother said, "every time she works, her face is disappearing. At this time, I know I will never choose to be a family woman. Her work redefined herself and affirmed her value and identity. I mean, I love being a grandmother, being a mother, being a wife, and so on - they are wonderful. But first and foremost, I have to have an identity to represent myself, and that's my job. "
If the life of a three generation of women of Rebecca is placed on the track of history, we will find that the independent women, bound by the old marriage system, have deeply affected the women of generation after generation in the past fifty years. Many of the historical achievements that we can enjoy today are gained by those pioneers in the more difficult situation
In most countries or regions of the world, the marriage relationship was full of male superiority and inferiority at the beginning. Some scholars believe that from the economic level, the marriage system was originally a master servant contract. For society and family, controlling women's marriage and childbearing age is the most effective way to suppress them.
At first, women who could choose to be single came from the rich class, the most famous of which was the "Virgin Queen" of England in England in sixteenth Century. In most cases, unmarried women were regarded as the burden of the family and the burden of the society. It is no wonder that Eileen Chang, the divorced Bai Liu Su in the love of the fallen city, has been cynical in his family. In English, the word "spinster" is evolved from the spinner, representing a widow left over by the war to live on spinning, which is obviously not the result of personal choice.
From American history, in pursuit of a seemingly avant-garde marriage at that time: open, childless, short, or late marriage - after a firm foothold in the economy or business, they found a partner more willing to look at them as companions rather than appendages; women first sought to work and have independent property. Power, and possession of land property is a prerequisite for political voting rights. This desire was initially realized after the social reform movement in nineteenth Century. But until the end of the 1860s, women still had no power to choose their jobs freely, and they were restricted to posts that demanded selfless and female identity, such as caregivers, nannies, operators and so on. Defending the right to work is often refuted by the task and mission of women in the society (the duty of being a wife and a mother).
These advances can be seen from the data one or two. In the United States, the age of first marriage is nearly 21 in 1970s, and has risen to 24 in 1990s. Today, the average age of first marriage is 27. In China, the 2015 survey of happy marriage and family in China shows that the average age of marriage is 26 years, and men are 2.3 years older than women.
Single life is in trouble,
Marriage is not the only and necessary solution
The story of Ada Lee
In 2001, Ada Lee, 30 years old, moved from China to the United States before "911". Living here, she found that after "911", everyone became suspicious and could not find the right job. It's easier for a friend to introduce her to her and make her rely on it. But Ada didn't want to get married. She persisted and continued to look for a job.
She lived in Guangzhou before she met her boyfriend at the age of 19. After a year, he was ready to marry, but Ada felt too early. She was not ready. As a result, three months later, the man married someone else. Three years later, Ada met his ex boyfriend. He said he was unhappy in marriage. Ada asked why he got married so early. He said that the unit he was in was able to house the married people. With age, parents and relatives began to worry about her marriage, and wondered if she did not want to get married. But she just wants to wait for a person who likes it.
When she came to New York, she knew a divorced man who had raised two children alone through her sewing factory. She knew it was a good man. So the two people started dating and married in spite of the reasons why the male mother was incompatible. It's been more than ten years now.

          Recently, Ada's 62 year old mother and his 68 year old father moved in with them in Queens. Their parents were arranged marriages. My father did not adapt to the life of New York and wanted to go home. My mother said she wanted to go back to you, and then her father went back. Her mother, after a period of confusion, started working as a family medical assistant. She was very happy every day because she earned money. As a result, my father came back to the United States because he was not suited to his wife's life. The times have changed, Ada said. 
        
             The rejection of marriage is bound to face pressure from family and society, but today we are more concerned about the other types of difficulties faced by single women - these difficulties come with the choice of singles. For women, whether to answer these questions is the key to a firm self choice. Of course, it does not mean that the former pressure has disappeared. It is just that, compared with the discouragement of others, self determination is more important here. 
          Jan Austin sighed: "single women are most likely to be poor." This is obviously an experience after her regrets. The essence of marriage is the economic combination of two people, and data and experience show that two people who are economically and in love are more likely to be happy than those who are in love with the lack of economic foundation. 
            Single women have economic pressure on the one hand because of the limited choice of work, lower salaries than men and lower occupational ceilings; on the other hand, the crisis is aggravated by the existing social systems and benefits for the basic marriage and family services (such as the limited welfare of unmarried mothers or single mothers). Under these pressures, women's single poverty has become an inevitable topic, and conservatives often say, you marry, married people share the financial pressure. However, marriage on the basis of economic reasons does not guarantee women's equal right to speak in the family after marriage. Today most women tend to choose the latter between marriage dependence and one job. No one wants to experience the pain of marriage failure or divorce, and trying to try to make a marriage change the meaning of a person - marriage can make them better themselves, but they don't get married just because of social demands. 
           
       From a historical point of view, personal choice is of great significance. Women's rebellion against workplace injustice is not only a personal demand, but also a social impact. Because if all women only want to rely on marriage and no one is working, the more the people's views on the division of sex are stronger, and the more serious the sex discrimination is. 
        Another challenge for single women is sex. Conservatives attack women and choose to be single or selfish. But it is fair to see that it is the single sex that releases women's sex from the bondage of marriage, which is never a problem for men. Sexual emancipation is fundamentally a sign of gender equality. It is even more absurd to suspect that women will become promiscuous. Compared with this worry, sexual harassment and sexual abuse caused by singleton status are more noteworthy. The relationship between men and women in marriage is, to some extent, a legitimate mutual possession, while single women are labeled as "unoccupied" by some men. Some media found that single women are more likely to become sexual harassment in the office. At the same time, with the popularity of dating App, the emotional process was accelerated by technology, and men were even dating different women like stamp collecting. "It's like a takeout, but the purchase is a person." 
            Another important issue is self construction. How do single women know themselves and understand this single experience divorced from their wives and mothers who are divorced from the previous marriage? There is one kind of "single discrimination" not only for non single people, but also for single people. For example, when you meet a single man of a single age, someone will be self - warning. "What's the matter with you?" I know I am also single because I want to pursue self value. You have to explain your situation to me. " The same is the same with gender. 
              The free synonym is solitude. No one wants to isolate himself from the world, but single women sometimes face such "loneliness", whether it is because of the fatigue of a person's life or the fear of a person's life, which makes a feeling that "the ship is passing, and I miss it." But this loneliness is sometimes a good thing. Some single women enjoy this lonely process. They take this experience as a time to think and prepare well. It is also because of careful consideration that some of the talents have entered the marriage more cautiously. 
             However, we must understand that this kind of loneliness is not only a single life, but also a marriage life. The only thing to admit is that we are a kind of animal that we need to rely on, and there may be no other way of establishing companionship in the past, except for marriage, but now it is not. 
             New mode of single life 
   The form and possibility of happiness are more and more

The story of Sara
Sara and Rebecca met in 1999, though they were all small staff members of the company, but letting them really know each other was a gathering to share the story of lovelorn sorrow. After that, the same cities play experience, similar character hobbies, make them a fixed partner in each other's life, work with each other, and share each other in life. But after four years of meeting, Sara had to make a choice after a year in love with her boyfriend from Boston. The other side did not want to leave Boston. Although Boston did not have the right job, Sara finally decided to try and live with each other. When Sara was sent away, Rebecca cried, because she was left alone. Sara came back six months later, not only because of the problem of love relationship, but also more importantly, she came back for her favorite city and life. Sara remained single at the age of 40. After choosing to freeze her eggs, she met her predecessor and quickly fell into marriage. But too long an independent life makes each other feel a bit helpless. Such an unreal marriage makes both parties unaccustomed. Sara chose to leave the marriage voluntarily. She knew that she might yearn for marriage, but she didn't need it.
More and more phenomena of single women are also reflected in literature and film and television works. The early years of popular growth novels are slowly replaced by the Chick lit, the female popular reading, the modern urban women's life issues, such as romance, homosexuality and workplace from a feminine perspective. Today we like Friends, sex and the city, and BJ single diary. In sex and the city, Kylie said, "if there is only one true love in life, then New York is probably my one." Every single woman who works hard in the city is eager to have the maturity, independence and comfort like Kylie in the city. Choose a person to fight, but at the same time you can have a variety of companionship patterns - it can be the four single woman's boudoir pattern in "sex and the city", a cohabitation pattern, or a late marriage pattern that may eventually enter the marriage.
If you are not going to find someone to spend your life with in marriage, you can find a companion. What is the difference between the non - consanguineous family relationship and the common friendship built by a peer, perhaps, is that the former can give sense of belonging, relieve economic pressure and emotional stress. Marriage is sometimes a choice relationship: one likes the southern side who likes the north, so they have to negotiate where to live. This choice constructs our life. But we never regard friendship as the center of our life. The peer model is between the common friendship and the family relationship, and the two sides will have future plans, but no one will automatically enjoy greater rights, higher status or more wealth by sex alone. Some people may misunderstand that this relationship is equivalent to homosexuality, but the relationship between partners is not necessarily sexual.
The pattern of cohabitation and marriage is not common in China, but it is no news. Marriage means a legally binding commitment, but sometimes it does not satisfy women's need for marriage, and so does men. Some people think of cohabitation and unmarried relations as third kinds of relationships, which can be met both physically and emotionally. Two people can be intimate, but they do not go to marriage. From 2006 to 2007, the Gallup Institute surveyed 136 countries and asked people, "did you feel a lot of love yesterday?" The survey shows that married people feel more love than singles, while cohabiting unmarried couples get more love than married couples. However, one thing that can not be ignored is that the current relationship of peer and cohabitation is not protected by law or even with the power to sign a partner's medical consent.
As stated at the beginning, singleness is not a miss of life after marriage, but an intermediate state. For those who want to pursue their careers and do not have a clear idea of what marriage means to them, it takes time to think about it. The experience of an independent life allows a person to grow up, whether it is a life skill or a predicament. You will not seek the other half of the marriage because of a few small things, and you will not lose the value and the equal words of your marriage. According to the survey data, married people who are single, though married late, have a lower divorce rate after marriage. Divorce at any time is not a blessing for women (but divorce normalization is a good thing).
Today, women are getting higher and higher in education. But they fantasize that the girl who can live independent and self confident in the future, in the 20 early age of the society, is either faced with the urge to marry from the parents or the experience of the people from the society. ("in the big city, you must find a boyfriend first, the other is the best, and you have to pay the first pay," It won't be too tired. Anyone who is planning to meet the new stage of life will be disappointed by such a narrow "good hearted persuasion".
In this world, you and I think there is a perfect kind of person, maybe one of thousands of people, this person's grace and spirit, courteous and mental insight. But such a person may not be able to let you meet, even if you meet, he is not necessarily the eldest son of the rich, your friend's close relatives, and do not necessarily live in the same place with you. This is a letter to the niece written by Jan Austin. It is true that meeting the right people at the right place at the right time is the most perfect situation in life - but if it is not easy, we have to protect ourselves from bad marriages, to ensure that we are married, and who will marry. It is based on my will and responsibility to each other.