I remember that defining moment in my life when I got tired of not achieving what I saw others achieve. Part of why I didn’t have what I wanted was because I had never stopped to ask myself what it was that I did want.
Instead I stood there on the sidelines, like a spectator watching a football game wondering why I was watching the game instead of playing in it. I saw other people achieve great things and I cheered for them while secretly feeling like a loser that simply wasn’t good enough.
Sitting there I would ask myself, “How are they doing all these great things?” When I finally sat quietly to ask myself what it was that I did want, I became embarrassed about what I truly wanted. I was so embarrassed that the thought of chasing those dreams became unimportant.
I didn’t want anyone to know that I secretly liked validation and recognition. Wanting those two things didn’t appear very enlightened or emotionally mature to me and I certainly did not want others to see me as unenlightened and emotionally immature.
I thought it was egotistical and showed how poor my self-esteem actually was. I wanted to be liked and popular. Because I didn’t simply accept myself and value who I was in the moment, I couldn’t access or use the power of what I wanted and who I was to drive me forward.
Because I’m a woman I also thought it wasn’t very “lady like” to have this enormous competitive drive inside me that wanted to play the game and win. I didn’t just want to win, I wanted to be cock of the walk.
Also, I wanted people in my industry to look at me and see me as the person they would have to be as good as in order to be on top. I wanted the respect of my peers and to have a secret sauce for success that nobody else had. That secret sauce has given me the success I enjoy today, and it keeps growing year after year. I’m going to share my secret sauce with you today for the first time.
The truth is, I love to compete and win. I love people knowing I have a good work ethic and deliver excellent work. I love when my team, my spouse, and my partners are proud of me. As well as when my friends are proud to know me or to hang out with me. These good feelings drive me forward and deeper into success and suddenly I become unstoppable.
The desire to feel these good feelings were my training wheels that helped motivate me through hard feelings, learning curves, uncertainty, and obstacles. The want to have people be proud of me helped me push myself when I did not feel “good enough.”
Over time, I noticed that my want to have people be proud of me was strengthening my success muscle. Suddenly, my success muscle had become so strong I no longer needed others to be proud of me. I still like it, but I no longer need it.
One day, out of the blue, I realized exactly what success meant to me. For me, success is the ability to out think, out motivate and out maneuver myself through my uncomfortable mindset into my unstoppable mindset, helping me take the necessary actions I must take to achieve my dreams and goals.
When this happened to me, I moved from success being something I achieved to something that was a part of me. It became my purpose and calling. It did not mean I did not have hardships or obstacles. It didn’t mean I wouldn’t be upset and cry, feel defeated or be angry.
It meant that I knew how to maneuver and strategize my way out of those negative places more easily. I took stronger actions and this produced stronger results and an empowering feeling of success.
When success becomes your purpose and calling, you are able to out think, out motivate, and out maneuver your self-defeating behaviors and take the necessary actions to get you back on track.
Having people watch you do this is what garners respect and influence in your industry. Steve Jobs demonstrated this for the whole world when the company he built and started (Apple) fired him and then rehired him to save the company he started, from going belly up. Winston Churchill said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.”
When success becomes a calling and purpose you develop authentic influence in your industry because you have the courage to continue through whatever obstacle.
Now here is the big secret sauce to all this success talk. The secret to success is accepting that you like and need positive support. Nobody likes to be seen with their training wheels on, but it is an important part of growing into the success process. If you can get over yourself and accept that you like what you like, then you can put some powerful training wheels on.
It may mean that you need to accept that you actually want to be somebody and do something great. It may mean that you accept that you don’t want to be average and ordinary. It may mean that you want others to look at you and see you as wonderful, the best, or exceptional at what you do.
The desire to experience these feelings means there is something great, exceptional and important on the inside of you that wants out. You can unearth your greatness and then help others unearth their greatness. This is what will help to build a successful world.
Vickie Helm is a bestselling author, business and asset strategist, and the CEO of Smart Group Firm. She has improved the success of more than a thousand companies and the lives of thousands of individuals throughout her career. You can learn more about Vickie at https://thesmartlifeclub.com or https://vickiehelm.com.