Coming from a totally dysfunctional family myself, I must emphasize that now that you are an adult with children of your own, do you want the past have an effect on your children? You have no control of what happened to other people. Everything that does happen to us will effect us and we must decide how we will handle it.
If your dad and stepmom are still living either make peace or walk away far and fast. Sounds like your stepmom was waiting in the wings very sad Beth.
When I was 26 I found out I had a living grandfather. I was told he was dead. My aunt mentioned something about him (not her father) living in Illinois. I was so angry. I made contact with him and wow, to my shock at the reaction of my grandmother and father for doing that. Never really connected with him, he sent me an easter card once. I have a half uncle out there too.
We define ourselves. That which happens to us will effect us, that which happens to others is beyond our control. Your stepmom sounds like a gem, if you can not make peace than avoid them. Do not let the actions of others take a tole on you. You are responsible for your actions and your minor children's action. Other than that, stress is a killer.
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