This was the first of the many statements I was to receive from my father. Looking over his shoulder while I was sitting in a bathrobe in my room at night, he spoke: ''Son, the time has come where I have to explain the conflict between family and our civilization. To win this war I cannot fight against the sun; instead I must join with it. Tonight I will give you my last gift as your father, and as a member of this family.
I fought against what he said, but he was totally persuasive. ''In order to better understand the situation and the time it is in, I must explain one last time what is transpiring around us. Until now I have merely explained the problem. Tomorrow I will explain what the solution is.''
I received a letter the next morning, explaining that I was to meet my father at the summit of a nearby mountain peak in the morning. I told myself that I was ignoring him; but I knew it was not true. He had won, despite my desire to remain free of him and my family.
This mountain peak was actually a temple where several other men and one woman had gathered. My father was already here when I arrived. He sat in the center of a chamber facing a (formerly) empty circle in the floor and a wooden door in the back wall. Through the door was the outside.
He told me to sit in the circle between the other men. He didn't explain what the movement in circles and the door in the back wall meant. There were several other men and two women standing there and their faces were different from the men's. My father had said that there were several of these other types of people, called "the helpers" who would be standing throughout the experience, with the function of guarding the ceremony and ensuring that it was carried out.
He told me that my mother had brought me through the door at his request. The purpose of this was to bring about the awakening of my "inner wolf. In changing clothes, he explained, I would be leaving the civilization and entering a new one, one that was in our blood. He said that my mother had arranged it so that could do it at the same time and in the same place as my father.
Although I was still hesitant, I got dressed and went outside with the other men/witches. Standing in the clear mountain air, my eyes scanned the horizon. It was still black, except for one small smear of light in the far distance. This was the only thing that marked the sky in all directions.
We stood in a line and moved forward. Then ten of the people walked around a corner to join in a circle with people that I didn't recognize. My mother was dressed and standing directly between two of the helpers. Before my father led the ceremony and was about to enter the circle, she quickly snuck me a small vial. I recognized her name on the label of the vial (Mom) and I knew through the label that she was a helper. She had been one of the few non-people standing in the circle. However, now I realized she was not a person.
I watched my father join hands with my mother who was standing between a man and a woman in the circle. He turned his head and looked at me. There was a connection between us that was tangible and I found myself nodding. However, I was still not convinced.
Then he turned back to the circle and spoke: ''Tonight I will awaken the wolf in my son, and he will awaken it in his son and his son's son. This will be a great force in our fight against the sun.''
My mother nudged me and told me to drink the vial. I knew that, although I knew this was wrong, I had to follow the rules. I knew that everything was supposed to happen the way it did. As I drank the vial, I felt a surge of emotion. I turned my head and saw that my mother was no longer beside me. She had disappeared.
After drinking, I looked at my father. His arms were outstretched and I realized that I was supposed to move forward and place my arms under his. I walked forward and did as I was told. Around the bend in the circle were what I first thought were voices. They were my father's words in my head.
He told me that I had to follow his instructions, had to obey him. I felt a sense of fear that he would somehow command me to do something that would kill me. He told me that I had to trust him.
He told me that he expected me to be loyal to my family, loyal to my brothers and to me. We were so few against the world, he said. All the other men were about to leave the circle and I didn't want to. I wanted to continue this ceremony. It was what I was born for, he said. I was to be sure that I would be able to work with the sun.
He guided me with hand gestures. When I bowled over an elderly woman on the ground, he told me that I had to help her. I saw that although she was frail and frail, she was covered in the same fur as my father was. As the thought entered my mind for the first time, I knew it was true, though I had not seen it before.
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