After a few seconds of unbroken silence, I turned away from Chris and slipped quietly off the bed and into the hallway. The floorboards were cold, and I was painfully aware of the deep, slow breaths muffling the sound of my footsteps as I crossed the hall. I turned up the heat immediately and went into our bathroom.
I stared at my reflection for a minute and then pulled out my toothbrush, muttering something about being glad it was the weekend and that I didn't have to be at work until Monday. I turned out the light and went back to the bedroom.
Chris was lying on his back, the blankets thrown to the floor. It wasn't until I walked over to the bed that I noticed I was still in my riding boots. I climbed between the covers and flopped onto my stomach, my nose squashed into the pillow.
I could hear Chris's rhythmic breathing and the ever-present drone of the heating system. After a few minutes, I snuggled into a comfortable position and waited for sleep to come.
After a few minutes, I heard Chris roll over onto his side, so I did the same. I could feel his breath on my hair, and I smiled when I realized he was staring at me.
"You're gonna let me go without kissing me goodnight?" I said.
"I'm not ready to give you up," he said. "Goodnight, love."
I let a breath out and rolled onto my side, facing him. He reached out and brushed his fingers lightly over my cheek. "Goodnight, baby."
I rolled on my back and gazed at the ceiling, my breathing even and slow. For a while, I lay on my back watching the dots of light cast by the street lamps across the room. I was just about to nod off when I heard Chris slide out of the bed, so I turned my head toward him.
"Chris?" I said.
"Yeah?"
"Don't get me wrong," I said. "I love you. But I wasn't always warm blooded, you know." I swallowed hard. "Things happen to humans on the planet that they can't happen to a perfect thing like us."
Chris's face was in shadow, but I could see him smile. I sighed and rolled back onto my stomach, settling in comfortably. I listened to his breathing change from the slow, deep, even breaths of sleep into a steady rhythm. I could see his chest rise and fall, rise and fall.
That was when I remembered that we weren't that perfect thing. We were imperfect.
I heard him stand up and go into the bathroom. I heard water running in the sink.
And I heard a little snort.
"No, Chris."
I felt a hand on my shoulder, then Chris chuckled. "Why not?"
I bit my bottom lip, felt a tear slip down my cheek. "Because it's not fair to anyone," I said.
He pulled the blanket up under my chin, and I heard him tugging on his shirt. When he came back to the head of the bed, he stretched out, then changed his mind and rolled onto his side, facing me. He propped his head on his hand and brushed his fingers lightly over my face.
"It's not fair to me, either," he said, and kissed my cheek.
He didn't need to tell me, though. He didn't need to tell me that he was the same way. The same way that humans were just as perfect as us. The same way that us embracing this perfect thing we were would mean that humans would become something else. Something that would not only be more powerful, but would be more dangerous as well. We would be a threat.
I did what I could to keep the tears from my face, pressed my nose against the pillow and pressed my eyes closed.
"You're right, love," I said.
After a few minutes, I felt the warmth of his breath against my hair as he kissed the back of my neck, then pulled the blanket up under my chin and pulled me against his chest.
"Get some sleep," he said. "We'll figure this out."
I tried to listen to his heartbeat, but I couldn't seem to make it out distinctly, and I had the feeling that it was driving my own heart crazy.
I snuggled closer to him and remembered all the big, dangerous things we used to worry about, and how, despite our fear and misgivings, nothing had really ever happened.
But this time felt different. This time, we broke the rules. This time, it was happening.
It was happening to us.
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