Do you remember the story of how the lord obtained the nickname Bargore the Beloved? -- Anon Guest
[AN: One paranoid search of my entire archive later, I can say that I have to now invent Bargore :D My thanks to a Tumblr post I cannot immediately unearth for the plotline of today's tale]
Some people were never destined to be evil. No matter how many forces turn them that way, no matter the determination of the individual, Fate has other plans. She's vicious that way. For Bargore, it was a destiny of light and glory. Having laid eyes on the light and glorious, he decided to have none of it.
It's rare that people actively decide to be evil. They usually cloak it in other terms, generally projecting so hard that they could be running a lantern show[1] and accusing those who have nothing of cheating to get everything. They believe - or say they believe - that they are doing good. Not Bargore. Bargore chose to do all the bad things.
He started at six, shortly after hearing the prophecy and deciding to rebel against it in the most obvious way. The act in question - stealing a treat from a baby. Definitely evil for sure. His victim was a well-dressed child just past toddlerhood, and the treat was a warm sweet-bean dumpling that he snatched and tossed at a street dog, which ate it.
Just as he was preparing himself to revel in the wails of the small boy, the dog foamed at the mouth and died on the spot. The boy, agog, said, "You saved my life!"
Bargore cringed, since it was loud enough to get the attention of several passers-by on the streets. So he did what any self-respecting young villain would do. He walked over to the boy and pushed him towards some dog doings on the cobbles. Something zipped past Bargore's nose, right where the younger child's head had been, and a stinging sensation arose on the tip of his nose. Connected with the thunk of a crossbow bolt in the upright of a nearby building, and the stunned investigation of the bleeding on his nose, it was no real feat to connect that he had just saved this boy from an assassin. Twice.
At which point the younger boy's bodyguard turned up and declared that he had saved the Viscount of Palaermoni from certain death.
His career as a villain was not off to a fantastic start. It kept on in that vain. Multiple attempts at childish villainy kept saving people from certain death. The tripped Count fell just short of the half-sawed banister that was meant to cause his "accidental" death. The fire set in the stables alerted the guard to the teams of rebels intent on the noble family's life. Stealing bread from the palace kitchens and dumping them by the statue in the square resulted in the peasant's joy towards the Count himself, as they had been suffering that winter and the largesse was just what they needed to make it through to spring.
When Bargore did accomplish murder, it was never a bad thing either. The visiting prince strangled in his bedchamber was the vile son of a despotic King and the only one in the way between the Count and the throne. A despotic king, mind, who "accidentally" got trampled by his prize stallion in a series of mishaps that lined up like well-tutored ducks.
Bargore wished he could arrange accidents like that.
As he grew older, his capacity for villainy increased, but the chain of events always wound up in his favour. The village he attacked was actually a secret headquarters of the raiders that had plagued the realm for decades, and Bargore's ruthlessness put an end to them for once and for all. The servants he stabbed in the back were attempting to poison or otherwise kill the new King.
The boy he regularly attempted to assault was now his charge as bodyguard. All attempts to end the new prince's life failed in spectacular ways that only lifted Bargore higher in the eyes of his new sponsors.
The poison he slipped into the royal soup just so happened to be the exact antidote to a poison someone else slipped in earlier.
Finally, as he was elevated to Royal Advisor, Bargore instituted a series of economic plots to impoverish the kingdom. Public works, freedom for the serfs and the slaves, a guaranteed minimum payment for anyone earning less than that. Housing for the homeless. Education for all. Free medical care. A system by which no citizen of the kingdom went hungry, the coaches ran on time, and the mail was regular and dependable.
It only made the entire realm happier and more prosperous.
Even his attempt to seduce the Princess bride-to-be for his charge the Prince only resulted in his marriage to her identical twin sister. Thereby making him part of the royal lineage.
The King did die, in a hunting accident that Bargore had absolutely no hand in. The prince tripped at his coronation and dashed his brains out on the throne, leaving his bride childless and in mourning.
Hail to Bargore the Beloved, a man who could not be evil if he tried. Hail the Prince Consort of Queen Lithal... unfortunately sharing the fate of her husband. As was foretold by prophecy.
Never mess with Fate. She not only holds all the cards, but also cheats at them.
[1] A more technological society would say "projecting so hard they can run a cinema chain".
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / kytalpa]
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I love it! He tries so hard to be evil and ends up being one of the best people in the kingdom. LOL
IMHO it's the best way to fail.
Bahahahahahahaaa another one I couldn't stop laughing at all the way through XD Best kind of epic failures XD