Challenge #04650-L266: Not Fighting Words

"Hey there, you damn teuf!"/ Hey yourself filthy ape!
The two eyed each other, tension thick as treacle. Then a sudden laugh, the two hugged each other, the human grabbing his brothers head and giving the hellkin a noogie!
"Stop being gone for so long and WRITE once in a while, you ass, I was worried!"/ Sorry, we were helping rebuild two temples the rockslide wrecked.
"C'mon, let's get a drink bro!" -- Anon Guest

As far as Hellkin went, Phil was remarkably easy-going. With the usual exception. If anyone called him 'Teuf', they were going to die. His adventuring crew were well used to that, and sided with him.

And then, to their mutual shock, someone called, "Oi! Don't write or anything ya damned teuf!"

They expected knives and blood. What they saw was a Human and Hellkin grappling and laughing until the Human had the Hellkin in a headlock. Vigorously grinding his knuckles between Phil's horns. "Get your hands off me you damned dirty ape," said Phil, but he said so... jovially?

"What the fuck," managed Hordaa the Orcish Wizard.

"Yeah," agreed Slipknot the Rogue. "Phil, what in all the hells is going on?"

"Uncle, uncle. You dumb shit, you're lucky my crew didn't murder you." Now freed, Phil embraced the bigger, bulkier Human in battered armour. "Folks. Meet my dumb baby brother Bob."

"We're twins," said Bob. "Can't you tell?"

Aura the Cleric was trying to do the math, his eyes oscillating between Bob and Phil. "I thought you grew up in a fosterhaus," he said.

"We did," sighed Phil. "Bob and I have the same birthday."

"We're basket bros," cheered Bob. "Started our lives side by side on the same stoop."

"You're like two hours younger than me," protested Phil.

"Spiritually side by side," amended Bob. "Anyway, I didn't get your messages for a while, and I got worried, so..." He shimmied his hands like a performer.

"I've been busy." Phil's sweeping gesture took in the entirety of the town in the midst of rebuilding. "Repairing Dragon damage."

"Oh. Yeah that'd make sense. Anywhere to get a drink around here?"

"Not until late in the afternoon," grizzled Slipknot. "Some people cause a lot of damage when they get rascally drunk." This with a glare at Aura, who had the decency to blush.

"All right," Bob allowed. "What about something to eat? It's been a long trip on road rations."

"Sure," said Phil. "Do you like Dragon meat?"

[Photo by Inna Nasonova on Unsplash]

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