"No smiling. This is not for Facebook." The assistant says as she clicks the shutter button. Taking identity photos is so routine for her that a single glance at the camera preview is enough that the photo will do.
People tend to get quite fussy over their identity photos, but in the end, she always got the last laugh. They always looked rather shitty.
"That is good. It will just be a few moments. Thank you." She tells James. James needs the ID photo for his new ID card so he can open a bank account so he can get paid.
James has not had a job for a long time. Having overcome his drug addiction while living on the streets he had a tough time applying for work. Any work. In the end, he got one at a butchery. It is not fancy. He is excited because this months salary means he will be able to afford a place to stay.
Unfortunately, this requires some legal documentation. James had none. He only knew his ID number and the man at Home Affairs said he can give James the ID card if he brings in a Photo and signed Affidavit.
So that is what James is doing now.
Step one, complete.
Waiting in line at the Police station to get his Affidavit verified James calls his boss to let him know he is getting everything in order and to say thank you for the time off.
At 40 years old he is amazed how exciting it all feels. Although it is objectively tedious and everyone that he has dealt with so far is a bit of a dick.
"Next!" The cop at the desk calls, staring straight at James.
"Oh shit, sorry." James quickly responds snapping out of his thought space. "I just need this document oathed or something."
"Ok, let me see." The Constable takes the paper from James and then asks for the photo in question. "Uhmmm, I can't approve this. This is not you in the photograph."
James frowns then he quickly brushes his hands through his hair and takes off his scarf. "How about now?"
"No." The Constable says. Gives James the paper and photo back and looks past him to indicate he has been dismissed.
"Now listen to me." James says as he leans to block the Constables view and get him to look at him. "This is me in the photo and you must approve this. I need it to get my ID card."
The Constable ignores James and calls the next person who rudely just sidesteps James and starts talking to the Constable.
James breaths in.
James pushes the lady aside with a hip thrust straight out of the disco era. As the Constable gets up from his chair James pushes him back and he falls over his chair.
Officers standing around the public area quickly hold James down and cuff him as he struggles and gets a few solid kicks in.
They drag him off to the cells and throw him in, still handcuffed. James hits the floor hard then gets up to proceed to yell at them but stops mid-stride.
James leans against the nearest wall and slowly slides down to the floor, lifting his arms under and over his legs to bring his hands in front of him.
He sighs.
That was Friday.
Monday morning James is promptly in court, having spent the whole weekend in jail on charges of police assault. They allowed him to phone his boss, who refused to bail James out and also said he would not need to come to work if he was not there come Monday.
The Judge quickly heard the case and they were now waiting for James' identity to be verified. He seemingly gave the right name and ID number but no one agreed that it was him in the photo. Only James thought the resemblance was uncanny. He had to be crazy that this was happening.
The Judge ruled that James be sentenced to 6 months in prison for assaulting an officer. In jail James quickly found his way to using. He worked as a toyboy in return for drugs and protection.
His 6 months in jail turned into 2 years. They could not verify his identity and no one really cared to either.
James always kept the photos he took that day on him.
James never left prison. In the mortuary, the doctor had a clean-cut case. He just had to fill in the cause of death and verify the inmate.
Having already written the report of James having been impaled with a pipe after refusing to comply with the wishes of one of the inmates. The doctor pulled up James' records and saw there was no image. He went to the pile of clothes he removed from the corpse and pulled out the ID photo and Affidavit.
Looking at the image, then at James on the table still the doctor just shakes his head. "Uncanny." He says aloud. "It is as though they took this photo with you dead already."
He then scanned the image and attached it to the document to complete James' identity verification and went to go make some well-deserved coffee after a rough mornings work.
Oh no! Just one singular act of trying to get the constable to believe it's him in the photo lands him in jail for life where he met his death! What a fate. 😏
Yip, somedays are pretty shitty.