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That answers absolutely none of my problems except for the last one, and that one only maybe. I wish you luck walking over to a beach, putting a phone down, and yelling "take a picture!" until it does your bidding without using your hands. Yeah, not gonna happen.

Have you ever been to purgatory? If not, then cease your ranting. Where you're going, you don't need hands. I tell you and still you believe it not. Until your time comes, you will not grasp the true physics of the ether.