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Episode 13
Scene 1
The Blazing Muffin has arrived on Planet Bling. It is the third spring of the year, so the Bling are having their annual Flocking Festival, their biggest celebration of the year. Blackjack is with his family for the event, and the rest of the crew is celebrating with them.
Blackjack’s Family
Button – Sister
Ante – Mother
Toke – Father
Bluff – Brother
Toke: Blackjack, you put on weight.
Blackjack: Good to see you too, dad.
Bluff: You just guaranteed we’ll lose the race.
Blackjack: I can still fly faster than you, big brother.
Ante: What do you expect, spending your life on a spaceship, gallivanting around the galaxy?
Button (staring at Tom): I haven’t seen anyone like you before.
Pokher: He’s human.
Button: What’s that?
Pixel: Someone from Earth.
Bluff: Never heard of it.
Blackjack: The only human away from Earth, as far as we know.
Button (fawning over Tom): Very unique. Are we compatible?
Toke: That’s quite enough, Button!
Ante: Oh, calm down, dear. It’s perfectly natural during third spring.
Button: Yeah, dad. It’s the Flocking Festival!
Tom: Your family is great, Blackjack. Not quite what I expected.
Pixel: Did you expect them to not be great?
Tom: Not what I meant. (embarrassed) You said something about a race?
Ante: Every third spring, lots of areas around Bling have a aerial race. Families compete in what you might call a relay race.
Tom: You can fly, Blackjack?
Everyone scoffs at Blackjack.
Blackjack (offended): Yes, Tom, I’m what you humans would call a friggin parrot, for stars sake! Of course I can fly!
Bluff: Anyway, we’ll probably lose in the first round cuz of you, bro.
Blackjack: Who needs enemies when you have family like this? We’re gonna win this year!
Toke: You say that every year, son.
Blackjack: Well, at least we won’t come in last.
Ante: The race isn’t for a few hours, so we can go enjoy the Flocking Festival for a while.
Button: I’ll show you around, Tom. (sheds feather) We’ll meet you all at the start point on Swashbuckler mountain at race time.
Tom shrugs and walks off with Button.
Blackjack: I should have left Tom on the ship.
Pokher: The only one we’re missing is Blue. Should we call her?
Pixel: She’s out soaking in all the colors of Bling. She says it’s the most colorful place she knows outside her home world, so she’s probably in an unreachable state of ecstasy.
5 minutes later, Tom and Button are in a secluded area of mammoth, sprawling shrubberies.
Tom: So what are some of the best things to see on Planet Bling?
Button: Oh, I’m not really gonna show you around. I just made an excuse so we could get away from them and have a mating session.
Tom (deep breath): I see…..
Scene 2
Admiral Illu and General Sion were contacted by Captain Stingus Maximus so that a meeting of President Crown and Lord Emperor President Chancellor Dominus Khan could be arranged. President Crown accepted, and now awaits Dominus Khan’s arrival on the USS Jeopardize. Illu, Sion, and Crown are on the bridge watching the viewscreen as they wait.
Admiral Illu: I have detected the arrival of a swarm of Splat Culture ships. We’re receiving a call.
General Sion: Onscreen.
A tiny dot appears on the viewscreen.
President Crown: I can’t see a damn thing!
Admiral Illu: Computer, magnify by a factor of fifty.
The image increases and a clearly defined mosquito in military regalia can be seen.
General Sion: Captain Stingus Maximus, a pleasure to see you again.
Stingus Maximus: No doubt it’s better for you. The last time we met, my army was beating the pulp out of yours.
President Crown frowns heavily.
Stingus Maximus: We are preparing to board your vessel. Please allow entry to the docking point nearest your grandest meeting facilities.
Admiral Illu: Very well. How many ships?
Stingus Maximus: Lord Emperor President Chancellor Dominus Khan requires a security detail of no less than 2,069 vessels, headed by Grand Imperial Military Strategist and Chef, Lord General Spiteus Maximus.
General Sion: That’s impossible! We have capacity for three at most!
President Crown (dismissively): They’re mosquitoes, you half-wit! It’ll be fine. Just let them come in one of the cargo bays.
General Sion: Yes, Mister President.
Moments later, Crown, Illu, and Sion are in a cargo bay watching thousands of mosquitoes break formation. In the center of them all is a ship about the size of a bottle, which is outrageously large for a mosquito.
Admiral Illu: Well, that’s a bit grandiose for a mosquito, now isn’t it? Look at the size of that ship!
Lord Emperor President Chancellor Dominus Khan: I can hear you!
Admiral Illu: Apologies, sir.
Spiteus Maximus: Use his proper title! Show some respect!
Khan: All servants in the room conserve air and cease speaking.
Spiteus Maximus: Yes, Dominus.
Khan: You just disobeyed a direct order! Now leave us. President Crown and I have many fun and nefarious things to discuss.
Spiteus Maximus: All of us, Dominus?
Khan: Are you questioning me?
Spiteus Maximus: No, Dominus.
Khan: Sure sounded like a question to me!
The swarm leaves, along with Illu and Sion.
President Crown: What a wonderful display of power, Lord Khan. It’s a pleasure.
Khan: Please, just call me Khan. All those fancy titles are for the ignorant masses.
President Crown: Some things truly are universal! Very well, just call me Crown. Why have you asked to meet with me, Khan?
Khan: We have shared interests.
Crown: Do we?
Khan: Indeed. Universal domination.
Crown: The Coalition of Unified Planets Galaxies and Star Systems seeks to unify, not dominate.
Khan: Stop using fancy titles and euphemisms! We are the ruling class. Speak plainly.
Crown (relenting): Oh, all right, yes, universal domination would be swell.
Khan: Now, as you know, my Universal Empire of The Splat Culture spans not only The Crooked Sombrero Galaxy, but now, after defeating your order-followers, has gained power here in the Milky Way as well. Did you also know that my empire influences the Cigar, Whirlpool, and Pinwheel galaxies as well?
Crown: Really? They are so far off, and must be impossibly difficult to control.
Khan: Yes, that’s true. I have summoned you in order to ask for your cooperation. There are certain worlds that I want your order-followers to attack. Then my swarms and I will come ‘save’ them from you, gaining their subservience.
Crown interrupts: I don’t see how this benefits me.
Khan: Once these worlds are subservient to my Grand Empire of The Splat Culture, then we will leave those worlds largely under your watch.
Crown: That’s an extremely devious and ambitious plan.
Khan: We’ve barely scratched the surface. Many of the worlds there have beings that are still very early in their development.
Crown: Which means they are easier to influence and control.
Khan: Precisely. Most importantly, we must occult the Law of Freedom from them. This will guarantee their obedience, as you know.
Crown: Yes, any ruler knows that. You have my attention.
Khan: Which brings us to another matter. We share a common foe in all galaxies. Those who know the Law of Freedom.
Crown: Yes, the conscious anarchists. They’ve been a thorn in the side of CUPGASS for centuries.
Khan: And to The Splat Culture as well. There is one in particular, though, that must be dealt with immediately. We have both encountered one called Pixel on a ship called The Blazing Muffin. Pixel is a member of The Verse species. You are familiar, correct?
Crown: Yes, on various occasions we have encountered The Verse.
Khan: Yes, they are few in number, but very diverse and powerful. If we focus on neutralizing this species, it would be very advantageous.
Crown: Agreed.
Khan: Very well. Crown, I look forward to dominating the universe with you.
Crown: Likewise.
Khan and Crown cackle malevolently.
To be continued...
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