Join us for some laughs courtesy of the sordid tales of an ignorant order-following enabler of slavery.
Image is from Pixabay
Brainwashing Tool (smiling into camera): Welcome to another edition of “Interview With A Psychopath” here on BNN, your home for the mind control you need. Today we’re honored to have a rare glimpse into the mind of one of the lower level minions who make the New World Disorder possible. Ladies and gentleman, I’m speaking of that integral tool in our everyday lives, the typical cop. (turns to face a jarhead-looking, grinning coward in a black uniform) Welcome to the show, Joe Cop.
Joe Cop: I can’t believe I’m really on TV!
Brainwashing Tool: Yes, I imagine for someone as low on the totem pole as you, it’s quite the thrill. Rest assured, though, the global system of involuntary servitude couldn’t exist without you, and that’s why we’re having you on today. We want to praise the dark deeds you do in your everyday mindless order-following.
Joe Cop (looks puzzled and scratches head): I don’t understand half of what you just said.
Brainwashing Tool (patronizing voice): Well now, that’s ok, you don’t need to understand. Just answer the questions as best you can, ok? I understand that just a couple of weeks ago you valiantly took part in the violent suppression of free speech at a local park, where some unwieldy freedom seekers were holding a meeting and protest. Could you tell us some thrilling details of that blatantly evil destruction of liberty?
Joe Cop (squirming): Ummm, I’m not sure I get the question.
Brainwashing Tool (speaking slow and loud): DID….YOU….BEAT….AND…..PEPPER SPRAY…..AND ARREST….SOME PEOPLE…..AT...A….PARK?
Joe Cop (grinning ear to ear): Oh, that, yeah. That was a lot of fun. Me and the guys really get a kick out of stuff like that. Those punks really had it coming to ‘em, lemme tell ya.
Brainwashing Tool: And why is that?
Joe Cop (shrugs): I dunno, the boss said so. Ain’t that good enough?
Brainwashing Tool: Of course it is. I apologize for my silly question. May I ask if you had to take any exams before being accepted into the police force?
Joe Cop: Well, just one. I took an IQ test. I scored really high! Almost 100!
Brainwashing Tool (cringing): That’s just peachy. (deep sigh) Moving on. I also heard that a few years back, you had to deal with a difficult old lady and her cat. How did you handle that rough situation?
Joe Cop (thinking real hard): Oh yeah, you’re talking about that old lady that had the nerve to call and ask for help getting her cat out of the tree. Can you believe that? Like I have time for things like that! So I just laughed at her and told her it wasn’t my problem. Then she had the nerve to ask why it says “protect and serve” on my cop car. So I told her any more smart remarks out of her and I’d have to arrest her.
Brainwashing Tool: And how did the poor old woman react when you bravely threatened to throw her in a cage?
Joe Cop: She asked on what charge. So I told her the old “resisting arrest” charge. Usually people shutup when I threaten them like that, but not this tough old hag. She told me I couldn’t do that, that she had rights.
Brainwashing Tool (offended): The nerve! And what happened next?
Joe Cop: I shot her cat and it fell out of the tree. Problem solved. She cried. I left. End of story.
Brainwashing Tool: That’ll show that pesky old hag. I bet she’ll never bother you again!
Joe Cop: Shit, I hope not.
Brainwashing Tool: Another awe-inspiring and heroic exploit you’ve taken part in, from what I’ve been told, was a daring home invasion of some peaceful cannabis smokers. I’m sure our low consciousness audience will be thrilled to hear about this.
Joe Cop: Hey, how do you know so much about me?
Brainwashing Tool: Well, BNN is run by the CIA, so we know everything about you. Now please, I’m the one asking the questions, ok?
Joe Cop: Oh, ok. So what was the question?
Brainwashing Tool (does facepalm): About you violently attacking people for the possession of a plant.
Joe Cop: Oh, right. So we got this anonymous tip that the Jones family was growing pot in their house.
Brainwashing Tool: Did the anonymous tip come from their neighbors?
Joe Cop: Yeah, of course. Anyway, so me and Rocco, Freddie, Mugsy, and Anthony swooped down on ‘em one night. It was so awesome. Smashing windows, firing guns indiscriminately into walls, stuff like that. We had those perps behind bars before they knew what hit ‘em.
Brainwashing Tool: And did you destroy the plants?
Joe Cop: Of course not. We sold the plants and pocketed the dough.
Brainwashing Tool: Of course. How silly of me. Speaking of pocketing dough, how often do you take bribes?
Joe Cop: As often as I can, but my city ain’t so big, it can get a little lean sometimes, ya know?
Brainwashing Tool: Can you give us an example?
Joe Cop: Sure, I love to gloat. I accidentally came across a couple of local mafia guys burying some bodies, so they gave me an offer I couldn’t refuse.
Brainwashing Tool: And how long have you been on the underworld mafia payroll?
Joe Cop: I suppose it’s been a few years. They’ve been really good to me.
Brainwashing Tool: The overt mafia working hand in hand with the covert mafia, just the way it should be. That’s quite touching. Do you ever find it morally difficult to accept the fact that your salary is funded 100 percent by extortion?
Joe Cop: Nah, I just figure, if I don’t do it, then somebody else will. And besides, what would the world do without guys like me? There would be violence and theft everywhere.
Brainwashing Tool: Can you name one instance in which you actually helped a person in need?
Joe Cop (wrinkles nose, thinking real hard): Well, not really, well, unless you count that time I shot that homeless guy to death. I put him out of his misery and stopped him from harassing people, ya know, begging for money.
Brainwashing Tool: Speaking of begging, have you ever had any pathetic taxpaying slaves grovel when you pull them over and give them a traffic ticket?
Joe Cop (rolls eyes): Oh boy, all the time. I had this one guy try to tell me that he was in a hurry because his wife was in labor.
Brainwashing Tool: Was she?
Joe Cop: Yeah, she was screaming in agony from the pain, but I didn’t care. I had to make my quota and enforce the law.
Brainwashing Tool: Wow, you sure are lucky that most wage slaves don’t know what their rights are, otherwise they’d use the force necessary to repel you.
Joe Cop: I guess. If you say so.
Brainwashing Tool (smiles into the camera): Well, there you have it folks, your extorted tax dollars hard at work. (turns back to Joe Cop) Well, I’m off to a party at the governor’s house now. Lots of young talent there, if ya know what I mean. (winks at cop)
Joe Cop: No kidding! I’m going to stand guard at the party right now. Come on, I’ll give ya a lift.
Good stuff! Thanks for the laugh!
My pleasure. Thanks for reading! Interesting screen name, by the way. Followed
I enjoyed that, thanks for sharing
Hey @moneybags, thanks for reading. Cheers
Great story! They say people who take the profession as a cop are psychopaths! Thanks for sharing!
That's true. There have been studies done which have found a high percentage of police to have psychopathic traits.
This series is so fantastic 😊
I love when hard truths can be revealed with levity.