Good story. I would just recommend formatting the text to be easier to read for online. I.e. more paragraph breaks. You can even use three asterisks together to create a line between sections. It will make it so much kinder on the eyes.
I found you because @aggamun featured you for the Pay it Forward Curation contest. Keep up the great work!
thank you for your support, i appreciate it, i hope you have a nice day, respect