You are viewing a single comment's thread from:

RE: From "Ragnarok Conspiracy"; Part One, Chapter 4 (draft)

in #flashfiction8 years ago

Original text:
The loss of their son, his wife saying farewell now after a long and painful sickbed,

I don't think sickbed is the proper word here. The word illness or the word battle would be more appropriate.

As this is the final comment I can make for this chapter, I'll also point out that quotation marks are missing from the conversational parts. That notwithstanding, this chapter appears to be much better written and has a lot fewer errors than the previous chapters.