As we become more efficient, we free up more time and energy for better parenting. If the moral argument was not compelling enough, science has clearly demonstrated that hitting children interferes with the healthy growth of their brains. Using violence against children teaches them that violence is an acceptable way to settle disputes and influence others. When a parent hits a child, they often forget the physical nature of the relationship from the child’s perspective and just how intimidating they can be. This also warps a child’s view of authority. The use of violent language, yelling, and anger can have the same effect and teach children the same destructive habits.
Parents should use reason and logic to influence the decisions of their children and use force only when immediately required for safety. This is the same standard by which we would like to be treated as adults. Communicating needs and requests is more effective than making demands and threatening consequences. Sometimes this requires patience, but a little patience to inform and educate early on will save parents from dealing with irrational behavior later. When parents say, “because I say so,” they are conditioning their children to submit to authority and missing the most powerful opportunity to teach by example. This principle should be applied more broadly to our attitude towards our children’s education.Parents should facilitate natural learning, not force their children into indoctrination centers. Only by teaching our children with reason and logic can we expect them to be able to think for themselves.
While you have no obligation to use your body to bring an unborn child into the world or to nurture a child, parents enjoy the privilege of defining a sacred relationship. If you define it as one of ownership and domination, you will raise a child who will contribute slavery and servitude. Effective parenting will break the cycle of violence, and each generation will be much more loving and capable than its predecessor because we naturally strive to be better parents.
Chapter 8 Section III From FREEDOM! by Adam Kokesh
I am the author of FREEDOM!, a book endorsed (I mean banned) by the US Department of “Justice.” You can get a copy here. I’m running for Not-President in 2020 on the platform of the peaceful, orderly, and responsible dissolution of the United States federal government. You can find out more here. You can find an event near you here. Whoever has the top comment on this post after 24 hours can claim a free signed copy of FREEDOM! by sending me a message with their address.
Everyone should give this a read, even if they never plan on being a parent.
thank you for consistently getting info like this out there
Thank you for reading and supporting!
I have four, one is nearly an adult (in my eyes he is). We negotiate with our children. It isn't always easy, and they hurt each other a lot. When they hurt each other, they can get pretty brutal about it too.
They are not getting that from us as their parents, so I'm not sure where it is coming from. Maybe that is part of the problem with media these days and video games, or maybe they are learning it from their peers or teachers. I'm just not sure. It is a constant battle though.
We ask them to do something, and they do not want to do it? I'll offer to pay. The house can be a disaster from their regular play, and amazingly it will be all picked up and organized in a few short minutes when $5 is the prize for whoever does the most work.
They just need the right incentives to do what we want them to do. That is the same truth behind Human Action and the entire world economy too. The incentive should not be from fear of violence however. Well, even that brings up a gray area. If someone attacks them, they are allowed to defend themselves within reason.
Therefore a violent counter attack is actually a good incentive for people not to use aggression.
Great points, stop the abuse now!
Thanks!
Apply the NAP to children and those most vulnerable!
I agree!
Oh wow, interesting perspective, so much different than I was raised.
Yes, we have to change the paradigm!
Psychological abuse is much more of a concern. It is malignant, has long-term consequences and is often completely invisible for the outside world.
If a parent is belittling their child, no teacher, doctor, close friend or relative would see anything wrong with the child. Many parents are belittling their children, killing their self-esteem. Later, these children become bullied in school, and face social withdrawal. They can also have education and professional development issues owing to their partial isolation. They will always feel guilty and pity and are likely to fail in their career path, even though they are mentally fit for success.
I am a case of such a child. My parents always wanted to keep their in-house authority only for themselves. They were always right, and never cared about my opinions and my feelings.
I mostly recovered from that, but coping with this experience is a very hard and long-running battle within oneself. Survivors of bad parenting styles such as authoritarian and so-called helicopter parenting need to undergo psychiatrist treatments. They will struggle much more than children of similar capabilities who were respected by their parents. And these foul parents will never see their guilt, and will never regret.
Thank you for sharing with such passion and insight! I really appreciate it! Many of us are still undoing the damage, it can take a lifetime.
Stop the abuse!
Nice post brot @adamkokesh
happy home👪
Yes we need healthy homes to promote freedom loving children!
incredible 👏
#ChildrensRights!
I'm digging this perspective. Ultimately if I were a parent, I would teach principles that have been beneficial to my life. I like the idea of responding with logic and refraining from violence. I've noticed that children (especially when they are walking and talking) tend to respond well when you speak to them like adults. I'd assume this also helps them to mature as they can naturally develop that sense of identity and independence.
Great post here @adamkokesh. I'd love to hear your thoughts about my recent post: How To Fuel Flirtation And Ignite Irresistible Interactions
While I am inclined to agree with the spirit of your post, it is slightly too simplistic. Children can be reasoned with only to a certain extent, depending on their age; anything beyond their capacity of comprehension can be asserted with authority only, until they grow old enough to understand. In fact, not even 20-year-olds have fully developed brains, and interactions with 20-year-olds and 30-year-olds are generally different—although this has nothing to do with parenting.
Regarding child-beating, you are correct, but it is worth nothing that there are people who take this to the extreme and call even the smallest physical contact abuse (much the same way some extreme feminists call virtually everything rape).
Good post!
Therefore, the word NO is very powerful when you give a child a reason to help them come to and to practice using their own logic as they get older. "No! Do not touch the hot stove!" (remove them from danger, sit them down) and say " why do you think I told you no?" ...wait for an answer, no matter the age, give them an opportunity to think. If they are not old enough to speak, still wait. Then, give them your reasoning, "hot things cause owies and because I love you and I know this, I wanted you to know to keep you safe." Hug them and move on. Next time they try, grab their hand and say "hot things give you owies, remember?" By the third time, you will grab their hand and they will say "hot things give you owies?" You say, "Yes." (nod and smile).
Thank you for the feedback! And because capacity may be smaller, that means they need even more protection!
Absolutely.
Love this!
Outstanding article.
Having a little daughter, I can only agree!
Upvote!
Thank you for the comment and upvote!
thank you for sharing this great excerpt for your book. upvoted and resteemed.
Thank you for reading and supporting!
Very good advice @adamkokesh! Anyone can have a kid, it takes a special kind of person to be patient, loving, and listening...a real parent.
Yes, 100%!!
As a middle school teacher, I have dealt with the aftermath of this abuse. Then when meeting with parents, the first words out of their mouths is, I cannot control my child and I do not even know who they are anymore. Parenting with compassion and by respecting all involved is a great way to begin with the end in mind. What kind of relationship do you want to have with your children? Fear-ridden and out-lashing or respectful and loving. Great post!
You are spot on with noticing the disconnection abuse creates between parents and their children. I spend time chatting with people about the realities and connections between their desire to control the child due to their own internal feeling of chaos and being out of control.
We project onto children what we repress within ourselves. Parents who "don't understand" or more likely to use violence because they project that their child "doesn't understand".
Abuse or violence toward kids doesn't create understanding, just more confusion amongst both parties and evasion of the knowing and understanding yourself.
As a child I was a hellian, caused a lot of trouble but my parents allowed me to be “free” I learnt pretty quick what to do and not to do from it, and I have grown up pretty well I think, some of my friends who got their butt beaten till they couldn’t sit anymore on the other hand seem to be struggling in life, I do feel like the way I was raised has helped me in life, making the right choices to succeed.... @adamkokesh keep it up 💪
Yes I prefer freedom over beating any day! Thank you for sharing!
You have made great points,I am not sure if there is a better way to parenting.many young people suffer from effects of over pampering by the parents all in the name of Love,in the end they bring up children who are not strong enough to face the world.
I think parents should should sometimes be tough on kids,because however soft you will be to a child,the world will always be tough to them
Great post! They try to teach us beating our kids is OK, but it is really counter productive and causes severe emotional damage to children, for starters. Most states it is perfectly legal, as if that was ever the measure of morality! How did this come to be? Why does the average person find no issues with child abuse?
Agreed!
Whilst I experienced these things as a child I'm fortunate enough not have had it turn me into a slave. I've been a rebel ever since I can remember. Nice article nonetheless. Thankyou for sharing :)
"The most important thing you can do as a parent is ensure that your relationship with your child respects their personhood."
This is what we need to tell to the parents all over the world. Thanks for sharing. Such a precious advice.
No problem, thank you for reading!
Hi Adam, I love this post. You might want to check out the work of Dr.Alice Miller "For Your Own Good: Hidden Roots of Cruelty in Childrearing practices" - In that book she explores how the authoritarian approach to parenting (including spanking) leads to totalitarianism. I think you would get a lot out of Miller's work. Cheers!
Now these are some enlightened thoughts @Adam
My dad came of age at the tail end of the hippie generation, and even though he never did drugs and never "allowed" me to do them, he still raised me with this idea that reason, logic and humor were better than violence (cos my Dad got his AEYSSSS WHUUUPED as a kid by broke and often alcoholic parents)
And even though he had to sometimes withhold his imminent desire to smack my rebelious teen-age pimpley face and show me who was boss and intimate respect and gratitude in me at the point of contact, he never did. He never hit me, and to the extent that he did scowl me, he at least had the conscience to apologize to me when he realized he'd been excessively dominating.
It was by no means an easy 4-5 years of teenage upbringing, but me and my dad has so much laughter and bonding together when I was smaller than now that I'm out of the house and am my own man, we have the best of relationships. And that's a sharp contrast to the relationship he had with his dad. He always hated the old git, whereas I'll always love my dad and be grateful for everything he did for me. (There was a lot of personal sacrifice that was made out of love involved, like a lot of baby boomers who wanted to do better for their kids than their parents did for them)
All in all, I think he would highly highly rate this point, as do I.
Thanks for sharing bro xx
Transcript of The Evolution of Parenting
The Evolution of Parenting
Beginning the Evolution of Parenting
Parenting has most likely developed due to offspring's needing more care
Some life history conditions that favored parenting evolution
High death rates
Low adolescent survival
High death rates in adults
Life History Along With Parenting
Caregiver and offspring have to make the same life history decisions
This is based off of the genetic interests of the caregiver and the offspring
Happy family...........glad to see you!
We use the rod of discipline in a progressive discipline model. It is the last resort for us (except in extreme cases). But, just as we all have different needs physicaly & emotionally we also have different needs for learning. Some respond well to reason while others require a more "hands on" approach. Our oldest boy has had less than a dozen spankings in his whole life while our 2nd son was prone to working his way through all of our other steps in our progressive model of discipline & needed the rod of discipline more often. Tough love is a part of real love. It is true that spanking hurts a loving/righteous parent more than the child but I wouldn't be a loving parent if I ignored the needs of my children & neglected my role as disciplinarian. There is a right & wrong way to use the rod of discipline, it's a tool like any other. There are two hammers, one is used to build a home & the other is used to hurt some one. Tell me...which hammer is evil? Neither...it is the hand that wields the hammer that is good or evil. I would never impose my choices on any other family & as long as we are all free to make these tough choices for ourselves then I'll be happy.
A great point of view... always think and dream and pray... but such a hard job to be a great parent.
The world is constantly changing. Parents also have to learn a lot to understand how to educate their children well
Thanks for sharing :)
Nice
Good read! Thanks for sharing your thoughts about it to us. Parenting is such a hard task isn't it?
Parenting without physical violence is like parenting without emotional violence: rare.
In this culture of psychological gamesmanship it seems virtually impossible to operate without coercion, especially when combined with the statist influences in schools. To be invited into career world we are required to adopt some kind of team mentality to survive, and to look past horrific behaviour in others. To encourage a child to approach the world with honesty and acceptance as a primary driving force may require almost complete isolation.
Also, when one gives power to their child, seems others are quite willing to step up and fill the void. Best of luck, mine drifted off into some pro-government hopeful dreamscape from which only government theft will likely ever correct.
You should read up on the millions of peaceful parents and how they do it. So many books, videos, courses, etc on the subject.
I guess I'm more getting at the idea that forces beyond ourselves are constantly trying to change any non-standard narrative. When we try to navigate against the tide, there can be some push-back.
We can do our best, but we're not the only ones involved. The outside forces must be considered too, and sometimes addressing those can be very tricky. (Specifically if it is the other parent and they have assumed a court sponsored combative didactic.)
I hear you on that!
Awesome your freedom writing , personally i like your freedom story. thank you so much for sharing us. all the best
Lots of "advice" on how to raise children. All of this on the freedom channel.
This is a chapter from my book FREEDOM!
I fully agree with you. It's also very important not to teach kids to hate, consciously or unconsciously.
Cheers! : )
Just became a parent 9 days ago and Have been into the freedom movement for 10 years so this definitely jives with me!
I was very surprised when the Doula knew that the private Live Birth Record we had her sign had to do in some part with a sovereign citizen type move!
There is so much hope as "intentional", "conscious", "mindful", "peaceful", "intentional" parenting is becoming more prevalent. I have learned so much from reading books and listening to podcasts on how to parent better than I was parented. The greatest thing a parent can do for their child is to understand themselves and become fully aware of who they are and what they are doing not only as parents but as a human being. I realize that personal evolution is key to being a good parent. Don't control your child. Control your state of awareness. I'm doing everything in my power to stop the pattern of egoic parenting. Thanks for sharing this!