"Don't eat."
She whispers in my ear, over and over again. It sends a tingle down my spine.
"Love, my love, don't eat."
Her whispers become louder, until she's screaming at me. I can't move. I can't get away. I am trapped in my own body. Why can't I move? Why? I look down.
Where are the ropes? Where are the bondages? Nothing is holding me down. Help. Help.
"Why the FUCK would you ruin yourself?! After all this hard work?! Look at you! LOOK AT YOU! Look what you have become; a worthless piece of shit. You've let six years of hard work go to waste."
My arms are heavy. My mind wants to flee but my feet won't let me. Help. Help me. Why can't I speak? Help.
My stomach twists. My heart starts to race. I feel the attack coming before it hits. No. No. Not now, not here of all places. It was just supposed to be a dinner. It was just supposed to be a family dinner. Just pick up the fork. Just pick up the damn fork. My breathing starts to quicken. My vision starts to tunnel out of control.
"Oh, my sweet, poor, darling. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell. I just want you to be perfect. That's all. I love you."
No. I can't go through with this again. It will kill me. She will kill me this time.
"Oh, Love, your hunger will pass. All of this will pass. Remember? It was easy. Suck on some ice, you liked that, remember? And water is just so healthy for you. If you need to, you can put a small bite in your mouth but you have to remember to spit it out. You just want the taste. Not the calories. Remember how bad they are? Remember?"
I do remember. I can't not remember.
I also remember the cold. The shaking. The bald spots. The pain.
"Remember when we had so much fun together? We don't need anyone else. I've got your, darling, I'm the only one who can help get you where you need to be. You can't get rid of me, sweetheart. You couldn't live without me."
Of course I can't live without her. How could you not live without yourself?
Thank you @mariannewest for this freewrite.
Art is by me! If you'd like to check some more of it out you can follow me @inkishthings on Instagram.
Wow it is honestly amazing what an impact you can make with these few words. This is really powerful. I am lucky enough to never have had to deal with this myself but I have seen so many people struggle with it. And it is always something that will be with them. Much love - Carl
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Wow. This is a very powerful piece!
As someone who used to have an eating disorder, I relate to this all too well. ❤ It's such a brave, raw piece.
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Oh wow. You managed to capture so much reality and emotion in this piece. Sadly, I can relate all too well. I remember those struggles and that internal war all too well. I hope you are winning this time. <3 You are a wonderful writer. Keep sharing.
Superb artwork and a very powerful piece of writing.
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Woah such a powerful message the pain behind fitness it is quite difficult, very well written.
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I was reminded me of my teenage when I had these two voices in my head, one tempting me to eat and another scolding for eating. That was really frustrating... but later when I learned to eat mindfully, I understood why and how it happened and things got better.
You've really infused the life in that inner conversation. And, I also loved the artwork. It's so powerful.
Thank you for sharing and have a great day :)
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Wooaaw... Such a piece that touches the heart. Indeed we should always remember these times of our lives. The joy, the fun, the sadness and all the troubles we go through.
I really loves every word in there and you did great with your drawing in there. It touches the heart when viewed. Great write up and keep the writing spirit up
Very gripping portrayal of what must be a terrifying monster.
The art actually captures that eerie feeling of being haunted by an extension of yourself.
As a food lover, who have had to restrict from eating for different reasons, I never understood eating disorders. Always attributed them to poorly handled vanity.
This story puts it in a different perspective.
Great job