I don't think anyone can tell you how to grieve or what is grieving. One does it in one's own way and differently for each loss. I cannot imagine the pain of losing a spouse - especially under what must have been very difficult circumstance. They must have been the cause of much conflict and pain too.
I wish you well in the healing process. However you deal with it.
Thank you. His death has been the most difficult to deal with, not because I loved him more than the others, but because my feelings for him and the manner of his death were so complicated. He is in every corner of my house, every fiber, every meal, every moment. Really tough loss.
My heart aches for you. Sending you strength.
thank you! but today my heart aches for all those who have commented! Sitting here with tears streaming down my cheeks for THEM. Steem strength coming through.