Haha, I fucked the whole damn lot of you and none of you saw it coming!

in #funny5 years ago (edited)

theresa happy.jpg

Pay attention you worthless plebs, I've something important to say.

For the last two and a half years, you've all been my bitches, and hardly any of you stupid, unwashed lot realised it did you? Back in June 2016, the peasants of the United Kingdom thought they could have a say. At the time, it was clear that there was a big divide in the country between the gobby Gammon-skinned filthy working class, mostly in the North, who were always barking on about jobs and immigration, and the whining self-loathing champagne socialists in London with their vomit inducing virtue signalling.

You had a vote, and there was a clear majority who voted to leave the EU..... for some reason they were upset about being anally raped by unelected foreign bureaucrats who wanted to turn the entire population into something resembling the cloned Taco waitresses from Cloud Atlas. It was the biggest vote in British electoral history, with 17.4 million of you bothering to stop jerking off for five minutes and drag your fat useless arses away from Coronation Street for long enough to go and create a majority for wanting to actually do something different.

To be honest, I was almost impressed in how that you gave that pig-fucking moonfaced childsnatcher David Cameron such a kick in the goolies after he spent £9 Million of your own money telling you the zombies would suck the marrow from your childrens disemboweled intestines if you didn't all do as you were told and put your X next to remain.

cameron.jpg

Wanker


But of course, you can't trust you stupid Peons to do anything you're supposed to, and so there was a hasty meeting amongst the dark cabals that rule the world from behind the 9th dimension of Hell, and they realised there was only one thing for it.... They had to call me to sort you all out and bring you back to your rightful place of subservient serfdom, and make you pay for it in my own inimitable style, a political version of having your gonads removed with a rusty cheese grater, and dipped in a bag of white phosphorus.

And, if i may say so, I've fucking excelled myself!!!


satanist globalists.jpg

My friends at the social club


Thanks to me, the whole of fucking Europe doesn't have a clue what's going on!!!!

And that's just the way it should be. I've managed single handedly to confuse the bloody lot of you into complete bewilderment, similar to how you'd feel the morning after a night out with that Ginger cunt Prince Harry, and a bag of Roofies.

Yes, you pathetic oiks have been utterly mind-raped by my clever little tricks:

  • I created a deal that absolutely NOBODY wanted, regardless of which side of the argument they were one. This is because my deal could better be described as one where you basically all had to drop your trousers and get gang-banged up your brown starfishes by Guy Verhofstadt, Junker and that ugly fucking bucket-faced cockwomble Tusk.

verhofstadt junker tusk.jpg
EU attack-bastards

  • I brilliantly managed to get what you all voted for taken off the table, by basically pulling the rug from under your feet and paying that weird little paedo (the one who's got fingers so stubby he couldn't even finish a bag of crisps) the Speaker of the house, John Bercow, to remove the default legal position of walk away and fuck the EU from the agenda...You know, the one you all thought you'd actually voted for.

17 million to one.jpg
17 Million to 1... my new gameshow

  • I convinced that sadistic wank-splodger with the crazy high maintenance banshee wife, former PM Tony Blair to commit high treason by giving him an all expenses paid trip to Paris to go jerk off with Macron. One for the archives I think.

  • I even beat that loathsome Brylcreem cunt Jacob Rees Mogg and his little band of whingy intellectuals who tried to remove me into a situation where they performed a political version of jamming sharp metal objects into their arms like angst ridden teenagers, and now they can't call a vote of no confidence in me again. What a result.

  • I made that malnourished beardy communist cunt Corbyn look like a right wanker for not being able to come up with anything in opposition to me, because he didn't have a fucking clue what was going on....and then half his party fucked off and joined forces with Anna Soubry to end their political careers in ignominy....The funniest thing is, the only hope any of them now have of ever making any cash is if they prance around like that useless twat Ed Balls, having an aneurysm on Strictly Come Dancing.

ed balls dancing.jpg
fat useless cunt

And now I've pulled out my final play.

I've given the whole shit show over to Parliament, who considering they're mostly all banking on a nice job in Brussels when they finally get given the boot, are going to do everything they can to ensure Brexit never happens. They are going to spend the next 2 weeks arguing the toss like a bunch of pre-menstrual adolescents, and finally decide to cancel Brexit altogether, and then get lynched by the Darlington Football Lads when they storm the Houses of Parliament and nick all the lead off the roof.

Of course, by then, I'll be sunning myself in the Bahama's, with the shit ton of cash I had backhanded to me over two years ago by the European council to make this all just go away. Apparently they really can't do without us...they need the Welsh Guards to go in and kick the fuck out of a load of yellow-jacketed French peasants who are carrying on alarming in the streets of Paris.


The long and short of it is this.

Haha....I screwed you all.

Remainers, Leavers, it doesn't matter who you are, you're all going to spend the next decade fighting a vicious civil war whilst I sit back and watch the fun. And all the while, the EU will continue to over-regulate every aspect of your very existence until you can't do anything except perform the 10 Minutes hate, sing the EU supra-national anthem everytime someone important farts, and give your entire lives in servitude for a daily handout of a bowl of minced up dead babies.

Now THAT'S what I call a show. I'm just laughing at the whole fucking lot of you!!!!


theresa evil laugh.jpg

Who's yer daddy now, you dirty plebians?

Rt Hon. Theresa May
Prime Minister of Great Britain.

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lol......You really did great with all you did in there and your tricks on them really worked well for you. I really enjoyed reading the whole blog and i had fun. I really wish another will takes the mantle all the best. Lovely post and i really wish to read more awesome post of you soon

Well you did a great job of pretending you didn't want Brexit and then pushing it to the bitter end. Nobody is going to be happy with whatever result we get. Now we have to see what tosser is going to replace you. None of them look promising.

I expect you will waste your riches on chucky necklaces and leopard print shoes.

What a shit storm.

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With whatever result you get? Didn't you cheeky bastards vote leave once already? How many votes are they taking? :P As many as they need to get a stay?

Basically, yes. But actually I've proved that nobody cares. As long as you all keep dutifully letting HMRC take your earnings, you can have as many petitions and protests as you like. If you happen to say anything we don't like, you'll end up in solitary like little @tommyrobinson

Democracy in action! xD

Don't get me started on that vote. Seems the politicians pick and choose which votes are binding.

People need to be helped to make the right choices, and we in the Labour Party know what's best for you, as you can see in my latest manifesto

Well, the maybot did try to put her deal through parliament 3 times in two weeks so sureley we should have 2 votes in the space of two years?

I'll get a white house petition going for us to accept UK refugees. :P Come on over!

The only thing keeping me here was the free healthcare and it looks like that's going out the window 👀 aye, see you in June!

Don't worry. There will be plenty of freebies for everyone in my government.

You don't get a say commoner. Don't like it? Oh boo hoo....hey why don't you all go and sit in a safe space together? I'll happily fire a Novichok missile at you all.

They won't let it happen! They have already signed up to the EU army. It's all smoke and mirrors with no intention to ever leave. Democracy is an illusion the media pump out 💯🐒

Who cares which pathetic Oxbridge glove puppet comes next? Haven't you learned anything yet? Your beloved "democracy" is an illusion. I'm personally going to invest much of my backhander into Big Pharma companies that make the pills all those school shooter kids were on.

Incredible.. Everyone in the UK thought you were just incompetent, but they couldn't be further from the truth. Theresa, you are my favourite vile politician of all time.

Thank you pleb. Now get back to work, you're a total disgrace.

hahaha

And you can shut the fuck up too.

I will, just after I tell you that I left the UK just a months before you took charge. I could smell your aging twot from the midlands and knew you'd send the UK into a recession.

Thanks for tanking the pound so I can buy some back at 30% discount!

Vote for me instead of this horrible capitalist bitch. I have all the answers and my new socialist utopia will bring you back to the country, I am sure of it.

hahahahahah! This post and comments are fucking awesome!! Great to se your active again @anarchotech, unless I just missed your name the last months :P

TRUMP THERESA.png

What a Nazi. I look forward to refusing to bow at Arlington Cemetery when I make my first offical state visit.

I knew it. I've been saying this for 2 years. I knew you weren't going to let us leave. Now you've confirmed it, you nasty witch. Well we will rise again. Watch this space and keep looking over your shoulder. You never know when that lead off the roofs of the Houses of Parliament might land on your head. An avid admirer haha.

Dearest honeybee11. I have instructed MI5 to point the Orbital Brain Melting Lasers at your house. I hope you enjoy the ALS.

Can we please have a second referendum Mrs. May? That way, you can fuck off the only 17 Million people that still like you!

Who cares whether you have one or not. You'd probably vote leave again, and I'd have to come back and ram a twelve inch serrated rusty dildo up your vile flabby arses once more. But you probably like that don't you, you dirty little fucks?

what a shit show, you have outdone yourself

Thank you. Now, please go back out onto the street wearing your sluttiest dress and do your work....

Of course, by then, I'll be sunning myself in the Bahama's, with the shit ton of cash I had backhanded to me over two years ago by the European council to make this all just go away.

Stop wasting time pleb. You should be out scraping shit off the streets, not fucking around posting videos of coffin-dodgers having a good time.

Hahahaha @theresa.may.

You are just a funny old ass punk almost as twistedly humorous as me babe. Gotta send you a cute hello kitty pink peignoir to put in & wrap inside your hangin' tits and wrinkled ass after each sunny bath that you are gonna take down there in the Bahama's. Just remind me!! 😛

Would you like a job in Momentum? I think I can probably find something nice for you to do in my new socialist paradise.

Oh! your socialist paradise sounds very tempting @comrade.corbyn.

Certainly, I've already accumulated a humongous amount of experience living here in Vzla to help you out finding me something really nice for me to do in your upcoming eden. I even can organize clandestine underground events & launch massive outdoor raves bigger than Arcadia, Glastonbury and Burning Man altogether to cheerfully enliven and prop your recruiting campaign beyond imagination.

If I apply for that job in Momentum. Can I get my grand an hour minimum wage paid in SDRs too? Please!! };)


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Ah the globe over, the theater is live and well, this tragedy is the beginning of yet more... hurray, hurray, git your tickets hea!

And that is how politics should be presented!

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Yes this is all a divide and conquer technique and it has worked a treat. They are slipping things in left right and center like 5G and no one is noticing. UK a screwed but more people are seeing this now so hopefully people will begin to take a more agorsist approach and learn to look after themselves instead of relying on a bunch of money hungry toffs intent on destroying our freedoms 💯🐒

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LMAO
I wish it's this funny in real life.
Alot at stake, economic at stake.... I pray God help brexit...

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Would be brilliant if Brits continue this path and go for "No deal". Been watching the trainwreck live on CNN today. haha.
Its brilliant.

Its like Britain said:

Fuck you EU!

And put a gun against its head and pulled the trigger. haha
Cant wait to see how this all ends. :D

This is what steem was invented for!

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You're probably a Nazi. In my upcoming socialist utopia, you would be kindly offered re-education in a nice camp. We do all vegan food of course.

DOWN WITH THE GLOBALIST ELITE

Wow, what an amazingly accurate description of what is actually going on. I applaud you.

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You lost your job you old hag!

Now I finally understand a little about what is going on in British politics. Thank you for very entertaining post

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