I'm with @ejgarcia. @maftah, tell us why this game is important to you. Tell us why you're excited. Get us interested in the game. This feels...I don't know the right word to use. Maybe boiler plate? That it's not unique or original, something like that.
On the plus side, OP Gaming can help you. We exist to help build up our members. We'll help you become a great writer.
Thank you. I will do all these tips next time