Wow dude, what a ride!
I actually didn't know what Coruscate meant... I had assumed it was a Latin word that translated to 'really good at saying things' but I didn't know for sure. This is an epic post... and totally agree with most of the points presented. The main point I don't agree with is "heart emoji" which is either an amazing inside joke or someone's first attempt at emojis. Either way it made me laugh.
Anyway, goal achieved man. I'm gonna follow Coruscate!