Being a parent isn’t easy at all. And when I say at all, I am thinking of all the scary tantrums exhibited by kids, all the mood swings shown by kids, all the cries and screams and all the nights you have to go sleepless. Being a parent feels great but this amazing, mushy and splendid feeling is accompanied by its share of obstacles. I don’t think these obstacles are something negative; they are a part of parenthood. That being said, things can get quite tough for parents especially if you don’t set healthy boundaries and rules for your kids.
About 4 years back when I had my child, I wasn’t a big believer in setting rules for young kids. Infants have crazy sleep routines and my baby had an even crazier routine. He used to sleep and wake up at odd times which was normal for a baby his age so I accepted this and went with the flow. He was colicky so he used to wake up a lot in his sleep and cry at the top of his lungs. He was an exceptionally loud baby so when he used to cry, one couldn’t sit peacefully. This was also something normal so I accepted it.
However, his odd sleep routine continued even when he was a year old. His habit of crying remained the same too. As he grew older, things remained the same instead of improving. As he was now getting older, he had different demands and when they weren’t met, he used to throw crazy tantrums. He was about 2 and things instead of becoming brighter and better for us, were actually worsening. He had a terrible sleep routine which affected my sleeping habits too and so I was sleep deprived almost always. He always wanted things to go his way and if I or his father didn’t listen to him, he would cry all day long eventually forcing us to agree to what he wanted.
This continued till he was 2.5 and life was seriously getting out of control for us. It was becoming chaotic day by day and my patience and temper were slowly slipping away. Weren’t things supposed to get better as an infant grew into a toddler? Wasn’t my child supposed to sleep on time now? Wasn’t he supposed to understand me and listen to me since I was his mother and not the other way around? I kept asking these questions over and over again and then I decided to look for their answers too. I began my basic online research and the more I researched, the more the problem became clearer to me.
The problem wasn’t in my son at all. He was just being himself- a 2.5 active, hyper and inquisitive toddler without any rules and boundaries. How was he supposed to know when he is supposed to sleep or wake and how he needs to behave if I didn’t set any boundaries for him? If I gave in to all of his demands every time, naturally he would become used to that and would want this practice to continue at all times and the one time that I would say No, it would be very difficult for him to accept it. Eventually, he may have accepted that if I had stayed strong at my stance for longer but since I used to give in to his incessant crying, he used to emerge as the clear winner every time. he had learned that if he cried for far too long, I would eventually agree to what he wanted and he would get his way. It was me who was shaping him into an ill-tempered boy who was used to getting his way so to make amends, it was me who had to do something.
He was only 2 and I couldn’t blame him for being cranky or not obedient enough. He was supposed to learn things from me and no matter how denied it, he needed structure and discipline which his parents were supposed to do. It was then that I started taking more responsibility of my actions and of my son and began working on being a responsible parent.
I researched extensively on positive and responsible parenting and found out that the one thing children need the most is having healthy boundaries and rules. We had really not set any boundaries and rules for our son. We would give him things whenever he wanted them, let him sleep whenever he felt like and did whatever comforted him as soon as he felt irritated or upset. Yes, he was a toddler so it was normal for him to be cranky and throw tantrums but if we continued giving in to his demands all the time, he would end up becoming a spoilt brat who would always want things to go his way and wouldn’t be able to cope with problems. This worried me a lot so slowly and I mean really slowly, I started bringing in a few healthy rules for my son.
This meant that I had to say No to him at times and set a proper sleep routine for him. Also, I had to cut down on his screen time because him being in front of the screen was a major reason why he was cranky. All of this meant I had to bear his mood swings and cries for a few days which wasn’t easy at all. However, it was something I had to do. When I was given the option to be a parent, I chose to be one. I had other options at my disposal but I chose to be a parent so it was now time for me to be one. So the first thing I did was to stop fulfilling every demand that Faateh (my son) threw at me and then I cut back on his screen time. It took me about 3 weeks to make him accept those boundaries and those 3 weeks were extremely challenging. However, when those changes were finally implemented, my life became a whole lot peaceful.
Slowly, I worked on his sleep routine and now he is in bed by 8 and asleep by 8:30pm. Some days, I do let him sleep a little late because I believe it’s good to sometimes bring a change to your routine and do something different. However, his routine is set and life is a lot structured and calmer than before.
While bringing all of these changes, I kept in mind the terrible twos phase my son was going through. It was natural for him to express his disagreement and anger when I brought changes in his routine because he doesn’t know better ways to express himself and because he is learning so many things all the time, he is likely to become over-stimulated. Keeping this in consideration, I made sure to go easy on him and be flexible.
As I worked on becoming a better parent, I realized that not only children but adults need structure, routine and healthy boundaries in their life too. When we lack routine in our lives, our lives lack structure and without a structure and a strong foundation, you cannot expect to build a good building. The moment I understood this, I began working on improving the structure and routine in my life too and man, it did wonders for me. I will elaborate more on having structure in life to live a good life in a later post. I feel this one is getting unbearably long for most readers lol.
Do share your thoughts in the comments below and let me know about your routine. Until next time,
Sharoon.
Well that are some good insights...Keep up with the Healthy tips...Awesome and Informative post
Hey @mirhimayun, it's been long :) How are you and so good to see you here. Thank you so much for stopping by. :)
Yea it has been a while, Alhumdullilah fine and it is my pleasure.
Nice @sharoonyasir
Thank you so much :)
Good to see your efforts you're putting for your child, yes every parents do but not using a "Chitter" and trying something else sounds good to me.
Your son is very cute MashAllah, stay blessed!
And ask Yasir bhai to try and remember the password :P
@steem-untalented
Thank you so much and thank for @steem-untalented vote too. Means so much!! Faateh is the cutest and my life, thank you :) Haha we spent days trying to recover that. Let's see what happens. Pray for us.
Greta post, I may sound old school and show my age but I think routine and a set bedtime for kids is the way it should be and good for them and you :)
Great post, I may sound old school and show my age but I think routine and a set bedtime for kids is the way it should be and good for them and you :)
Wow dear. This is indeed a great post to be read by all parents. Its so very important to be health concious and insuring that our dear children follow the same. Upvoted and following u as always.
Regards Nainaz