There are a lot of people out there that are completely fixated with golf. It is the sport where business deals are made and tiny little imperfections in one's game are attempted to be fixed over the course of months or years, and instructors are paid tons of money to talk to and coach people that probably can't be taught anyway. The equipment costs a fortune, being involved in the sport costs even more and some of the courses you aren't even allowed to play on unless you are part of a special group.
I had an upbringing that gave me all of these things and I was actually very good at the sport but something about it irked me and I hated it and quit. Let me tell you what I remember:
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Growing up in the US, my family was not wealthy. Both of my parents came from farming backgrounds and only my father had any sort of post-high school education. Neither of their families had any money and my father's parents had died before I had any recollection of them (there is only one photo of them holding me). My father worked hard and my mother was a stay at home Mom. We had raggedy clothes that were mostly second hand and we almost never went out to eat as a family. All of our meals were carefully planned by my dutiful Mom who to this day makes some of the best food on the planet.
We were however, strongly encouraged to get involved with as many sports as we possibly could. The country club where we lived was expensive, just like all country clubs did. But my father was aware that this is where the elites hang out and even though I would imagine that it was very tough for him to come up with the dues, he somehow managed to get the exorbitant amount of money that you must pay as a "starter investment" and also the monthly fees. Therefore, this poor family with mostly garage sale clothes, were members of the Hillcrest country club and also got the youth golf training that came a long with it.
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I don't know how old I was when I first picked up a golf club, but I know it was very young because my memories of most of it is kind of a haze. I'm sure it was as soon as I was old enough. But there was something about it that just clicked with me. I do remember being praised for how I would hit almost all shots clean and the instructor liked to show me off to random other people when he would have me tee up a ball and then drive with a low wood and the parents would just ooh and aah about how I got so much distance and also had a great, straight trajectory with no slice or hook. I never got the point where I could hook or slice on purpose, but it just never happened to me on accident.
Anyone that golfs already know that this is a very frustrating aspect of the sport and people spend thousands of dollars trying to rectify this part of it.
Again, I don't remember how old I was but I was soon being entered into youth par-3 tournaments and was winning almost all of them. One of my proudest moments is teeing off at the club house (that's not where I started my day, they had us start all over the course) and nobody that was there knew who I was except for my parents where were there watching and probably getting a sneaky beer or two in.
I pulled up at this part 3, teed up with a low wood, and put the ball on the green in one. Not just on the green, but less than ten yards from the hole. The parents, who would cheer for anyone no matter what they did because we were just kids, stood up and cheered and kept talking and in their bewilderment that someone this young could be that good, starting asking around about whose kid is that? Who is that youngster? That was amazing! My parents would later tell me as the basked in the glow of admiration for their son that was just so much better than the other kids that were there.
When I won the trophy 2 hours later or so (it was a 9-hole course we were on) many of the parents were very interested in talking to both my parents and to me. It was a great day and everyone was all smiles including me as I raised the trophy in front of the small crowd and my mom, I can still recall was a little teary-eyed with pride as I stood there in front of everyone.
There was a dirty little secret involved in this and many other tournaments that I won though... and that is that I secretly hated playing this sport and was only continuing to play it because my father, who to this day still absolutely loves golf, was so enthusiastic about the fact that at 12 or 13 years of age or so, had already surpassed his own abilities despite him playing the sport for 15 years or so at that point.
My performance started to wane in the next few years and in response my parents were trying to get me involved with more instructors, more personalized trainers, better equipment, even though our relatively poor family couldn't really afford this stuff. Then one day, and I can recall this very clearly because I regret behaving the way that I did because of the disappointment that it caused, I was on the 14th hole at a different country club that I no longer remember the name of, but I know that I was already about 6 strokes ahead of my father and I broke down in tears after absolutely nailing a chip shot and he started congratulating me for my excellence like he always did. I wasn't wailing or making a scene, but I couldn't hold the emotions back anymore.
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"What the problem son? Surely you don't think you should be able to get it closer than that?!! that was an amazing chip!" said my father. It was at that point that I spilled the beans and told my Dad on the 14th hole that I hate playing this sport and that I only do it because it makes him happy that I am good at it.
He gave me a hug, reassured me that it was going to be ok, and we finished the last 4 holes with dry eyes and he bought me an ice cream sundae at the 19th hole while he had a beer. We didn't talk about the outburst on the 14th during the entire time but instead talked about other things and he would joke about my "girlfriend" to make me laugh and get embarrassed because we all know how 13 year old boys feel about being accused of having a girlfriend by their parents is. We went home and it wasn't mentioned to the rest of the family (I mean, I presume he spoke about it with my mother) and my father never MADE me go golfing with him ever again. He would kind of sheepishly ask if I wanted to go in private, but when I said "no" he would never protest or try to force me to do it. The private lessons stopped and the other sports that I did enjoy came to the forefront. My clubs, once I outgrew them (13 year old kids grow FAST) the clubs were never replaced and I would never compete in another tournament ever again in my life.
In one way I feel such terrible regret about this move on my part because I could have been absolutely exceptional at this sport. I also feel terrible that I kind of let my father down because a sport that he absolutely loves was something that his kid appeared to have the makings of being something truly amazing at. On the other hand though, I think my parents are wonderful people because at no point in time did they ever pressure me to carry on for any reason to continue in this sport just because I was good at it and it filled them with pride.
Knowing what I know today about how being good at golf can open a lot of doors for you and if you are just kind of good it can make you a ton of money, well knowing that makes me feel like I missed a wonderful opportunity because what does a 10-13 year old kid know? Not a lot. I do look back on that day and think that my Dad is a wonderful man because he never gave me any grief about quitting an elite sport that could have made me, well us, famous. I look back and that day and admire a man that wanted more than anything else, for his son to be happy.
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It all kind of worked out in the end anyway because I ended up excelling at three different sports that I really did enjoy and ended up getting a free-ride scholarship to a Division-1 (the most prestigious kind) university to play football of the soccer variety.
The pride came back into my parents eyes on multiple occasions because of this and I look back fondly at my time in golf because of many of the memories. The main takeaway here though is that I have absolutely amazing parents who would back their kids on anything they wanted to do and all 4 of us ended up turning out pretty darn good because of it too.
The truth is you cannot live your fathers dream trough you If you know what I am saying as you need to enjoy what you are doing or here is no real point. I know someone who was good a baseball and was good enough to get a scholarship ad to be scouted by one of the major teams to come to their camp and he turned it all down. He was playing the sport to please his dad and not himself and his dad was pissed off for many years, but eventually got over it. I used to see this weekly with dads and their sons playing as many different sports as possible instead of letting the kid choose what he wanted to play. The common factor with all of the dads is they were never any god at sport and it gave them a chance to dream again.
I suppose there is a certain inclination with all fathers to try to mold their sons into something better than they are but I agree to a certain degree as far as pressing your kids are concerned. I think that kids should be encouraged to get involved in sports and not just be allowed to TikTok their way through life, but if someone is a good parent they will understand the difference between guidance, and punishment. I hated disappointing my father, but in my situation it's not like I wanted to do nothing, I just didn't want to play golf anymore.
Your friend with the scholarship.... did he end up doing great things in life anyway?