About two weeks ago, around 12:30am when I was preparing to go to bed because I was done for the day, I heard a baby’s voice not too far from my room. He was coughing non-stop. At the same time, there was the voice of a woman sniffing, and talking in a very low crying tone as if she was trying not to disturb the neighbours.
At first, I ignored the voices because of the many kidnapping tricks that have been used recently using babies, but at some point, the baby’s cough became un-ignorable for me, so I wore my cloth, unlocked my door, and headed out to see who it was, and alas, it was my neighbour.
In the afternoon of the same day, I had overheard her conversation on the phone with an elderly man where she was explaining what transpired between her and her husband that made the husband send her away from the house since morning. The man who is so in love with his baby, collected the baby from her and sent her out alone during broad daylight.
I didn’t know what further happened until one of my other neighbours mentioned that he had embarrassed her by trying to drag her out of the compound outside in a community where she knows no one but her husband. The husband kept saying, “she should go back to her father’s house because he was no longer interested in the marriage with her”.
It was a sad scene, embarrassing to her and to the man, but to him, he is the owner and head of the house, and could do as he wished. The other neighbours were the one who made sure he couldn’t harm the woman during the day.
About two to three elders spoke with the man to forgive whatever the woman had done and just let her in which to them, he responded, “okay”, but waited till middle of the night to send both the woman and her 8-months toddler into the cold breeze and danger of the night. He didn’t even care about the baby, what mattered to him was that he didn’t want to see the woman at all.
By the time I got out, I first of, took care of the baby so he would stop coughing, and then returned to the woman who was crying uncontrollably. Myself, and two other women were there trying to get her to stop crying, but she wouldn’t stop, and I wondered what happened.
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I couldn’t hold my curiosity any longer, so, I asked her directly, what happened, and she said, “she had only told him to let her get a job since he wasn’t ready to establish a business for her, and he insisted that never would he allow that. She further mentioned that this man had been starving her and the kids and would pretend that everything was fine to outsiders while she was dying inside”.
She said, she was working before they got married. She was a seamstress who was doing really well in her crafts before they relocated from their town, and that she had to sell off her sewing machine when her husband was sick, and now he is not ready to let her have a job nor a business because according to him, “why would she have money more than him”.
After her narration, I was dumbfounded. I couldn’t say a thing. I sighed, and just further pacified her so she wouldn’t fall sick from crying, but then, I wonder how or when it ended. I mean, the love they once shared. How did it end or where did it end or when? Is that how it’s supposed to be?
Their marriage is 10 years this year, yet happiness has deluded the home. It is suddenly heading for the rocks because love is lost. How does that happen? The love she had made her sell her machine, why is it now like this with her? What exactly is marriage all about after the butterflies are dead? Is that the end of it?
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It's best when intending couples discussed about little things like this before going into marriage because some men feel inferior when their wives start earning knowing she won't depend on him for virtually everything.
Hmm. I think more than the discussion, action plans are important. What if they get married and the man decides to change?
This is one of the question to discuss with your partner before marriage, if he'll let you work if you ever wish to.
I don't even understand, he doesn't work and provide for the family, so why not let someone who's ready to do it, do it. 🤦♀️🤦♀️
This is honestly disheartening. I could just imagine the pains and trauma of the woman. Truly, where is the love that made her do all that and made him marry her? Where has it gone? Should he not even for the sake of the baba take some considerations on sending her out in that odd hour? Love is a complex and deep matter. What you did was good and I hope the woman finds some ease and peace of mind, because this can be really traumatizing.