Within the last few days, there has been a frenzy on the internet owing to a post that stated a friend had just divorced his wife for refusing to take his surname after their marriage. He says the conversation has been going on for two years.
I don't typically like getting involved in social issues, but given the odd nature of this one, I'll voice my opinion.
A SURNAME IS WHAT?
A NEW NAME ADDED as a result of a job or other circumstance.
Name shared by family members
A surname is a name that is added to your given name and is shared by members of a family. This definition can be inferred from the two definitions given above.
WHAT DO AFRICANS THINK ABOUT MARRIAGE?
Even though it appears strange given that religion is the cornerstone, I will make every effort to keep things simple and ignore it throughout this entire opinion of mine.
Currently, the idea of marriage in Africa, especially Nigeria is that a woman leaves her biological family when she marries a man to form a new family, her family, with him. Likewise with the man.
As a result, because the bride's family adheres to this idea, they reel out customary ceremonies that the prospective groom must carry out before he may accept the bride and begin his own family.
That is marriage, and it is where a new FAMILY is born.
The bride's family usually insists that the groom MUST carry out all of the rituals exactly as they wish, forgetting that they are giving her out in marriage and not selling their daughter.
WHAT HAPPENS AFTER MARRIAGE?
I do recognize that some women adore their family and their fathers' sacrifices to the point that they don't want his name to be associated with their marriage to a man.
Because they are aware that men, not women, are the ones who can be most reliably used to trace lineage globally, they act in this manner. Her people are aware of this, which is why they frequently use their in-laws to their full advantage.
Furthermore, according to the definition of a surname, it is a name you can add to your name as a result of your marriage (CIRCUMSTANCE) and because it will be the name everyone in your new family will use (SHARED).
It's acceptable if you choose not to exclude your father's name. Just add your husband's name after the hyphen. Deborah Johnny-Mike, for instance. That ends it. Even better than changing every name on your official documents entirely, I even like this. That can make you a victim of a crafty husband.
My Issue With Some Individuals
But those ladies who believe their spouse is not worthy of having his name tied to theirs bother me.
If this is the case, why did you let him spend all of your money on you and your family in the name of a "traditional wedding" when you know you're not ready to say goodbye to your loved ones?
Because it demonstrates his love for you, you even requested that he pay for everything on the list.
You would still be unmarried now. Who enters marriage believing it will not last and then changes their opinions early on?
Fathers who are still alive who support this, even to the point of letting it destroy their "loving daughter's" marriage, you disappoint me, even though you treat me like nothing.
Do you believe that despite meeting all of your criteria, the guy who married your daughter is not deserving of the honour you received when you married her mother? He wasn't raised by a family or another man.
AS A FINAL WORD
In a few years, I'll be marrying off my lovely daughters to worthy young men. I won't write them 10 full-cap lists as a marriage list and bride price, nor will I convene villagers who didn't pay a dime for their upbringing to decide how they should be wed.
And because they declined to change their names, I won't allow their marriage to have problems.
THANKS SO KINDLY FOR READING MY BLOG.
En los últimos días, ha habido un frenesí en Internet debido a una publicación que decía que un amigo acababa de divorciarse de su esposa por negarse a tomar su apellido después de casarse. Él dice que la conversación ha estado ocurriendo durante dos años.
Por lo general, no me gusta involucrarme en temas sociales, pero dada la naturaleza extraña de este, expresaré mi opinión.
UN APELLIDO ES QUÉ?
UN NUEVO NOMBRE AGREGADO como resultado de un trabajo u otra circunstancia.
Nombre compartido por miembros de la familia.
Un apellido es un nombre que se agrega a su nombre de pila y es compartido por los miembros de una familia. Esta definición se puede inferir de las dos definiciones dadas anteriormente.
¿QUÉ PIENSAN LOS AFRICANOS SOBRE EL MATRIMONIO?
Aunque parezca extraño dado que la religión es la piedra angular, haré todo lo posible para mantener las cosas simples e ignorarlo en toda esta opinión mía.
Actualmente, la idea del matrimonio en África, especialmente en Nigeria, es que una mujer deja a su familia biológica cuando se casa con un hombre para formar una nueva familia, su familia, con él. Así mismo con el hombre.
Como resultado, debido a que la familia de la novia se adhiere a esta idea, recita las ceremonias habituales que el futuro novio debe llevar a cabo antes de que pueda aceptar a la novia y formar su propia familia.
Eso es el matrimonio, y es donde nace una nueva FAMILIA.
La familia de la novia por lo general insiste en que el novio DEBE llevar a cabo todos los rituales exactamente como ellos desean, olvidando que la están entregando en matrimonio y no vendiendo a su hija.
¿QUÉ SUCEDE DESPUÉS DEL MATRIMONIO?
Reconozco que algunas mujeres adoran a su familia y los sacrificios de sus padres hasta el punto de que no quieren que su nombre se asocie con su matrimonio con un hombre.
Debido a que son conscientes de que los hombres, no las mujeres, son los que pueden ser utilizados de manera más confiable para rastrear el linaje a nivel mundial, actúan de esta manera. Su gente es consciente de esto, por lo que con frecuencia utilizan a sus suegros en su máximo beneficio.
Además, según la definición de apellido, es un nombre que puedes agregar a tu nombre como resultado de tu matrimonio (CIRCUNSTANCIA) y porque será el nombre que usarán todos en tu nueva familia (COMPARTIDO).
Es aceptable si elige no excluir el nombre de su padre. Simplemente agregue el nombre de su esposo después del guión. Deborah Johnny-Mike, por ejemplo. Eso lo termina. Incluso mejor que cambiar por completo todos los nombres en sus documentos oficiales, incluso me gusta esto. Eso puede hacerte víctima de un marido astuto.
Mi problema con algunas personas
Pero esas damas que creen que su cónyuge no es digno de tener su nombre atado al de ellas me molestan.
Si este es el caso, ¿por qué le permitiste gastar todo tu dinero en ti y tu familia en nombre de una "boda tradicional" cuando sabes que no estás lista para despedirte de tus seres queridos?
Como demuestra su amor por ti, incluso le pediste que pagara por todo lo que está en la lista.
Todavía estarías soltero ahora. ¿Quién entra en el matrimonio creyendo que no durará y luego cambia de opinión desde el principio?
Padres que todavía están vivos que apoyan esto, hasta el punto de dejar que destruya el matrimonio de su "amada hija", me decepcionan, aunque me tratan como a nada.
¿Crees que a pesar de cumplir con todos tus criterios, el hombre que se casó con tu hija no merece el honor que recibiste cuando te casaste con su madre? No fue criado por una familia u otro hombre.
COMO PALABRA FINAL
En unos años, casaré a mis adorables hijas con jóvenes dignos. No les escribiré 10 listas completas como lista de matrimonio y precio de la novia, ni convocaré a aldeanos que no pagaron un centavo por su educación para decidir cómo deben casarse.
Y debido a que se negaron a cambiar sus nombres, no permitiré que su matrimonio tenga problemas.
This was a well written post I must say. Well done.
The stand on name change has huge implications and it has to be that which they are ready for the implications.
Names are for identification, but for a lady she may choose to change to her husband's name as submission to him and to bear all that comes for or against him.
Isolation your name is like saying you can get into trouble and I ll not be affected
Or I don't like your name but just marry me.
The world systems understand and has made room for name changes. So anyone should find it easy to attach documents backing their change of name.
Excellent inputs dear friend. This should be a choice by the lady is she choose to be submissive in that area and not mandatory. Thanks so kindly for your comment.
Name changing is quite relevant in recent times but it doesn't mean that a bride should be sold, it's so important for the people of old to recognize this truth, this is a well written article and a guideline I love it❤️
Thanks so kindly Dear friend for your kind comment. 😊
One thing that is constant in all of my Podcasts is the fact that relationships should begin on the basis of friendship and effective communication. This communication will allow each partner discuss their expectations from the relationship even up till marriage.
If the lady know she wouldn't be interested in taking her husband's name, she should have discussed it with her husband beforehand so they can come to an agreement whether it should be done or not.
One thing I'd say is that communication is lacking, another is respect. The lady obviously doesn't respect her spouse or deem him worthy of her.
Exactly my dear friend. Your points are valid. Thanks so kindly for your comment 🙏
You're welcome!
This is a very controversial topic dear. A lot if Fathers and marriages are greatly influenced by their cultural practises hence the long list of items that must be bought, along side a big bride price. And as for a woman refusing to add her husband's name to hers, I don't think it's right.
Thus is one of the beauties of marriage; from Miss Right to Mrs. Right John. Thank you for sharing dear.
Yeah, you have added well dear. Thanks so kindly for your comment 🙏 😊
You're welcome 😊 ☺ 🙂 😌
Your content has been voted as a part of Encouragement program. Keep up the good work!
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