So many good points made in your post. The "anti-male" rhetoric is one that I would like to focus on. Even as a well behaved male member of society (but saying it as a male feels suspicious) - my "fear" of this "fear" of the "male" in contemporary society by women makes me feel less and less able to interact with and participate in society.
And I am someone who is balanced, well-intentioned, married, and respect and appreciate every single woman in my life (in fact, I have more friends as women than men) - but this pervasive "fear" that is plastered on all the social networks and the news, is damaging to men.
Damaging to their confidence, damaging to their participation, to the their interaction in community events or just in the general public.
I am aware of the rhetoric that exists, and know that I am an untrue example of it, but it doesn't stop the perception of "oh look a man, run!", and I think this is doing untold damage to younger men, who then get sucked into their own algo-driven attention content farm (with affiliate links) for "courses" on how to be a better man - when all they need to do is set the example by simply just not being the stereotype.
Open-ness, honesty, stating intention, and being a nice person in general.
For example, there was an interaction I didn't have today, when I was walking back to the car after the gym today. A woman who had just gone into the supermarket was going back to her car (which was parked next to mine) - and it was a nice car. I wanted to say "nice car", but i didn't - I didn't want to be feared. It was simply a statement and an observation. She probably knew it was a nice car - and I did too..
But if this interaction that is innocuous is blocked by the rhetoric of man is bad - then what other interactions are as well?
This for certain. It's interesting to hear that it's also having that level of effect on older men such as yourself. I assumed that the older generations would be more immune to it, not having grown up in this environment. That said, I know my husband has started to become more defensive and less inclined to back women in general. When I first noticed it, it made me reflect on how this is getting to a point where it's driving away our allies.
What I really hate is the examples given are usually the worst kind of man, then they clump all men into it. The same is done with women when there's an example of them being toxic.
To be clear, I have experienced the bad men and most of the women I've come to know well have too. It only takes one of those to reach multiple women so just because many women have had these encounters it still doesn't make it all men or even most men. It's a minority and generally your instinct will let you know when you're dealing with one. Yet, ironically, we are taught to not assume they are bad out of politeness. Maybe not so much now if they are obviously a white, heterosexual male, but likely still if they're one of the designated minorities. It's like we've taken a step forward and two back. Most of the men I encounter I would actually trust to protect me from one who did intend me harm.
I was reading a poster one day at climbing with the title "BouldHer". A session for women, non binary and those identifying as women. I think they wanted it to feel inclusive, or maybe safe, but it felt like it was just excluding people. Even transgender men would be excluded here. Yet standard climbing hours keeps it inclusive for everyone and in all honesty I feel more comfortable in that kind of environment than one that's actively excluding people.
It's interesting that when I climb it's after work and mostly men are there. I know there are female climbers, but they seem to climb during the day more or on a day I can't get there. I find that the men are really easy to talk to and really encouraging. I often end up working on climbs with groups of them and I don't feel threatened at all, the opposite in fact. The younger men in particular are actually more open to asking advice and learning from a woman if they're newer to the sport, nothing like the men I grew up around who were "too tough" for that. I don't know if that's a more recent thing or just the area I grew up in. Possibly the latter as I have had similar experiences with men nearer my age at climbing.
In the past the way women were treated wasn't great, but we've reached the point of over correction. We're starting to do the very same things to men and not allowing them purpose and dignity in life. I could write a whole post on this and maybe will at one point. In short we need each other, we need to work together and accept and respect the strengths and weaknesses of both.
@topcomment
If we have to walk around saying we're not a threat, it gets a bit old. But the pre-judgement is there, and grows. I think that's the real flaw with all of this.
We get so little opportunity to allow someone's actions to establish the quality of their character, that sadly, people fall into "categories" that are whatever their own echo chamber determines.
I have started going to the gym later in the day now, and I notice the same thing - its mostly women. The earlier morning crowd is more balanced, but my local ends up being a social club with everyone getting roped into the conversation - and I just want to go in, do my thing, and get out, and not be waylaid by chit-chat.
I have a hard time saying "no", or disengaging from a conversation once I am engaged in it, so- so far, going a bit later is working, everyone leaves everyone alone.
I feel like that kind of thing would be more awkward at a normal gym. In the climbing gym environment it feels completely normal because you end up discussing the climbs even with strangers, but once you get up to the weights/gym area people just get on with their thing unless they're with friends. It would be weird to just start chatting with people you barely know.
Ditto! 😅 I'm not very good at social etiquette at the best of times, so struggle to know at what point I'm being rude to try and conclude the conversation.