Sometimes ago, I had a long discussion with my grandmother about the traditional family system in Nigeria. She told me stories starting with olden-day marriages and then the traditional family settings, which made me appreciate being born into today's generation.
One of the differences between a modern family and a traditional family is the size of the size of the family.. The traditional family is like the extended family, consisting of both the grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, and members of many generations living together in one house.
According to my grandma, you could see a family with more than 30 people living under one roof. I wondered how they did this back then, but I know that it will be one hell of a social group with many dramas, although it still has the good side, like when we talk about promoting cultural family heritage, for example.
Modern families, on the other hand, are quite small in size, consisting of parents and their children living together in one house, like we commonly see today. Let me state this before I continue: I experienced a bit of living with extended families (a traditional family lifestyle) for a few years before we disintegrated, and I would never opt for such a lifestyle anymore, no matter whatever advantage it may have. I think the disadvantage surpasses; the jealousy, the conflicts, unhealthy competition even among children, hatred, and what have you—just too many to deal with.
Back in the day, marriages, according to Grandma, weren't about couples being compatible or having affection for each other; they were more about a man coming to a family without first having a dialogue with the woman but straight to make his intentions known to the family. In this case, the family decides, and they give the woman to the man regardless of whether the woman has feelings for the man or not. Hmmm, it will interest you to know that even my mother was married in the same way—she didn't even know anything about my dad until after their marriage. She also told me that anytime she is permitted to visit my dad's room is whenever they are ready to give birth to another child, and that's like three-year intervals. You see, marriages back then were more for childbearing purposes.
The part that hurts me more is the position of women in traditional family settings. It was nothing to write home about; women assumed a low position, no right or freedom of expression, but rather did as the men commanded. Because the large members of the family live together, women were confined within the four walls of the home, more like slaves to the men. They will just sit back , take care of the children and farm as well , why the men provide for their basic needs; they aren't permitted to hold any occupations or own properties. And so, they had no voice in their family and were made to tolerate every nonsense to keep their home. No wonder you could hardly hear of divorce those days because they couldn't even exercise their rights. It's like their marriages to men in the first place are compulsory, and you're just made to marry a man through an arrangement, and family begins.
But then, in modern families today, there have been a lot of changes. Both men and women are free to make their choices about a compatible spouse and have the freedom to explore, work, and secure assets. Women nowadays aren't so subdued by men, but they speak out and even sue men in court if the need be.
With the smaller size of the modern family too, there's better family bonding, and nurturing the kids to a certain standard becomes easier to manage, unlike the large traditional family where members of the family are too large.
I think the modern family and marriage lifestyle has more advantages. If I were to have been born in those olden days, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to decide who would marry me but whomever my family wishes to. I may also just be at the mercy of a man; I will be unable to work or own assets in my name, lack of expression, and all of that. Some people argue that divorce is more common today, but it also depends on personality, the way we handle conflicts, and how men treat their wives with or without respect, as well as understanding and communication, which were limited back then.
Everyone deserves to be treated well and with respect in a family and to have the ability to express themselves anytime. After all, a family should be one without who is the head or the tail.
Thanks for reading through.❤️❤️❤️
All images were taken from Canva
Perhaps this modern time is also a phase to move through. Divorce rates are high but freedom is increased.
I think the next step is for modern culture to develop a better courtship process to determine mental and emotional compatibility with the goal of increasing the longevity of relationships. Especially when children are involved.
I totally agree with you, Divorce rate are high because women no longer wants to die in silence 🤐... personally, I hate divorce but there are so much domestic violence in families m.if such is the case, women should speak out and go.. and not swallowing every ill treatment from a man in the name of building a family
Wow, this is quite a deep thought and I hope it can be implemented some day. Will go a long way in helping relationships
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Thank you @zakludick
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I am 100% behind the concept of women being able to speak out against abuse. My grandmother was one of the first people of those times to get a divorce from an alcoholic grandfather and she was shamed for being divorced. But he beat her and it was from women like her who took a stance and her father who took her back in to his home when she needed help that things started to move towards what we have today.
Of course we also have an extreme opposite in place in society. I know of a few crazy examples of women acting unfaithfully and THEN divorcing their husbands taking the house, the kids and half the assets while they were stay at home mom/adulterers.
Like I often say: The groups of people who were previously oppressed often become the aggressors next and it takes time for balance to occur.
The laws in South Africa and Family Court protected the woman in the example above example and I think most people would recognize this as a bad example and NOT the reason why people fought for women's rights. Yet, it happened.
As a national and global society we can only influence what is on our doorstep and we can take stories like that and learn from it.
With time many thing has been developed and women empowerment is the significant one. I really appreciate it. But I feel in the current time family bond became very weak even in the small family where in the past the bond between family members was very strong instead of having a large family. I must appreciate how our ancestors maintained the good relationship.
That's right, women empowerment is a great benefit today and even in families, they have taken their rightful position and could do things freely
Our ancestors maintained a good relationship then, without much family crises but it's not far from the fact that their women are limited in many areas especially with the freedom of speech
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Much appreciated 👍
The old family system was indeed much bigger compared to today's family and they held such values that I can only hope will be maintained in the future
Those values were way much and too uncomfortable for their women, lolz
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I'm thankful I was born in this generation of women, I can only imagine what a lot of women went through during the traditional family settings era.
I witnessed some while growing up, and I knew I could never choose that type of life.
Things are changing for the better for women and we are lucky we are part of it.
Same here dear... women of those days were really strong, hahaha
All thanks to civilization
Things kept getting better now
There is usually a lot of problems in the traditional family setting. Polygamy was more popular then and it comes with a lot of drama. Envy and jealousy. We are lucky to belong to this generation. It has more advantages than the days of reference. I can't just imagine bringing me a woman that never knew much about me. It's better the way it is now
Like, I wonder how they did it back then. Imagine leaving with someone you have no feelings for...but just for child bearing and building family... their lives then was a kind of weird, hahaha
And they polygamous family is one kind drama
What is this, Nkem? 😆🤣🤣🤣 Like WTF? Even if mom is craving some kisses, she would have to wait? Haa. Those kinds of marriages then ehn....especially not studying your partner first but parent's consent, a lady is given to her suitor. Thank God for modern day ooo. I can't imagine being in such situation where I don't like the man 😕 🤣🤣
Haha 😆😆😂😂
Mum was used to it
Even when he visited Lagos she tried restricting me from going to Daddy room, saying my baby is still small 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Is that how children of nowadays behave? Haha 😆😂
I couldn't stop laughing out loud
LMAO 🤣
It will surprise you to know that most of these stuff are actually happening. Some men marry women just to make them slaves in their family house.
Everyone knows how some families can be and so most ladies of today are against staying in a family house after marriage.
I know it's still happening till date but not like dose days..at least our women are wisening up..lol
That’s right. Justice for women.😅
How lucky I am to be born in the modern age lol, I can't imagine being married off to who I don't even know. Women were victims the that's what I know. Better to be free to make marriage choices and be able to work for rather than being in the mercy of a man and being judged by the society.
Thank you for this beautiful post ❤️
Indeed my dear... back then,our gender was literally intimidated in so many ways but thank God for the change we see today
Good morning sis🥰