¡Hola hivers!💜
¿Alguna vez has tenido un dÃa donde solo quieres decir lo que sientes y que solo te escuchen y ya? que no haya nadie intentando levantarte del suelo ni sacudiendote para que reacciones. Solo quieres quedarte en el suelo y respirar hondo hasta que pase. Hoy es ese dÃa y por eso vine a hacer catarsis con ustedes.
Me siento cansada de enfermarme, aunque reconozco que muchas cosas que están sucediendo ahorita están pasando por no cuidarme en su momento y es mi cuerpo dando alertas para que lo haga.
El año pasado pasé por algunas crisis de alergias con muchos estornudos y malestares y eso me trajo algunas infecciones de oÃdo. Eso me generó dolor de oÃdo, malestar, no poder oÃr bien y mucha molestia. Cumplà al pie de la letra con mi largo tratamiento para controlar mi alergia y poder estar en paz y por unos meses pude estar asÃ.
En la sala de espera
Yo tengo un detalle técnico. Estudié bioanálisis y me encantaba la parte de fisiopatologÃa, entender como los sÃntomas iban de la mano con los resultados era una de mis pasiones, establecer toda esa correlación es como armar un rompecabezas para mÃ. Suena genial, pero no es genial cuando eres tú la que te enfermas y no te gustan los sÃntomas o en mi caso, extrapolas la situación. Eso me pasa.
En diciembre tuve la gripe extraña que le dio a todos en mi ciudad y desde ahà vino el declive de nuevo con molestias de oÃdo. Retomé el tratamiento, me sentà mejor por unos dÃas pero mi oÃdo se tapo. Haciendo contraste con los sÃntomas y comparando lo que habÃa sufrido antes, no me parecÃa una otitis, sino que en mi crisis de alergia el moco se habÃa alojado a nivel de tÃmpano (algo que también habÃa pasado el año pasado). Asistà a mi otorrino y le conté todo lo sucedido, cuando reviso mis oÃdos se dió cuenta de que efectivamente no habÃa infección y todo arrojaba que el moco está a nivel de tÃmpano. Para esto no habÃa mucho que hacer, más que seguir el tratamiento.
De nuevo en la sala de espera
Mi mayor preocupación en esta oportunidad es que mi nivel de audición disminuyó mucho. El malestar de sentir el oÃdo tapado es bastante frustrante, aunque agradezco no estar sintiendo dolor. Empecé con el tratamiento y las palabras de mi otorrino fueron: relajarme y tener paciencia.
Pero, yo no soy buena relajándome y más cuando dijo términos que no me gustaron como que mi membrana timpánica parecÃa esclerotica u opaca (quedamos que esto lo verificaremos en 8 semanas cuando ya deba estar muchÃsimo mejor) pero mi lado investigador no podÃa quedarse quieto. Pase la noche investigando sobre el examen que me hicieron con diapasón, la maniobra de valsavas, y la membrana. Y lo que và no me gustó, un diagnóstico de otoesclerosis dónde básicamente la membrana está rÃgida y el sonido no se transmite como es y por ende no escuchas. Prácticamente hablan de quedarte sordo, usar audÃfonos para mejorar la audición y una opción quirúrgica donde puedes quedar peor que mejor.
Cero alentador (y poco relajante). Lloré y no se lo conté a nadie. Me he tragado esto. Porque es una posibilidad y algo que me han dicho toda la vida (mi otorrino anterior era traumático). Y aunque no es el fin del mundo ni indica que moriré por eso, podrÃa indicar el fin del mundo que conozco y el inicio de un mundo sumido en silencio, dónde dejarÃa de oÃr a mi mamá regañarme, a mi perro ladrar, la risa de mi abuelo, los cuentos de mi hermano, comunicarme con el mundo dejarÃa de ser sencillo.
Otra vez en la sala de espera
¿Me estoy adelantando? Es posible. Pero al dÃa de hoy no es que sienta mucha mejorÃa y me preocupa. Salà al supermercado el sábado y fue una tortura: demasiado ruido, no podÃa entender a quien me hablaba y me puse muy tensa. Quiero relajarme, quiero estar sana, pero no quiero hablar del tema, ni oÃr a alguien decirme que todo va a estar bien, que son solo cosas mÃas y que ya basta de enfermarme. Irónico que quiera oÃr, pero no escuchar a nadie, más cuando los comentarios son tipo: deja de usar audÃfonos (que mayormente uso para trabajar), sigue haciendo las cosas asÃ, estás exagerando.
Estoy cansada de sentirme asÃ. Se despide quien vino a vomitarles hoy solo lo que sentÃa, sin filtro, sin estar segura de que todo tenga coherencia, pero que solo quiere decir que tiene miedo de que sus miedos se hagan realidad.
Gracias por leerme
Con cariño, G.
Hi hivers! 💜
Have you ever had a day where you just want to say what you feel and just be heard and that's it? No one is trying to pick you up off the floor or shake you to get you to react. You just want to stay on the floor and take a deep breath until it passes. Today is that day and that's why I came to catharsis with you.
I feel tired of getting sick, although I recognize that many things that are happening right now are happening because I didn't take care of myself at the time and it's my body alerting me to do so.
Last year I went through some allergy crises with a lot of sneezing and discomfort and that brought me some ear infections. That generated ear pain, discomfort, not being able to hear well and a lot of discomfort. I complied to the letter with my long treatment to control my allergy and to be able to be at peace and for a few months I was able to be like that.
in the waiting room
I have a technicality. I studied bioanalysis and loved the pathophysiology part, understanding how symptoms went hand in hand with outcomes was one of my passions, establishing all that correlation is like putting a puzzle together for me. It sounds great, but it's not great when you're the one getting sick and you don't like the symptoms or in my case, you extrapolate the situation. That happens to me.
In December I had the strange flu that gave everyone in my city and from there came the decline again with ear discomfort. I resumed the treatment, I felt better for a few days but my ear became blocked. Contrasting with the symptoms and comparing what I had suffered before, it did not seem to me like an otitis, but that in my allergy crisis the mucus had lodged at the eardrum level (something that had also happened last year). I went to my ENT specialist and told him everything that had happened, when he checked my ears he realized that indeed there was no infection and everything showed that the mucus was at the eardrum level. For this there was not much to do but to follow the treatment.
Back in the waiting room
My main concern at this time is that my hearing level decreased a lot. The discomfort of feeling the ear plugged is quite frustrating, although I am thankful I am not in pain. I started with the treatment and my ENT doctor's words were: relax and be patient.
But, I am not good at relaxing and even more so when he said terms that I did not like such as that my tympanic membrane looked sclerotic or opaque (we agreed that we will verify this in 8 weeks when it should be much better) but my investigative side could not stay still. I spent the night researching about the tuning fork exam, the valsavas maneuver, and the membrane. And what I saw did not please me, a diagnosis of otosclerosis where basically the membrane is rigid and the sound is not transmitted as it is and therefore you do not hear. They practically talk about going deaf, using hearing aids to improve hearing and a surgical option where you can be worse than better.
Not at all encouraging (and not very relaxing). I cried and told no one. I swallowed this. Because it's a possibility and something I've been told my whole life (my previous ENT was traumatic). And while it is not the end of the world nor does it indicate that I will die from it, it could indicate the end of the world I know and the beginning of a world plunged into silence, where I would stop hearing my mom scold me, my dog bark, my grandfather's laughter, my brother's stories, communicating with the world would cease to be simple.
Again in the waiting room
Am I getting ahead of myself? I might be. But today I don't feel much improvement and it worries me. I went out to the supermarket on Saturday and it was torture: too much noise, I couldn't understand who was talking to me and I got very tense. I want to relax, I want to be healthy, but I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to hear someone tell me that everything is going to be fine, that it's just me and that I've had enough of getting sick. Ironic that I want to hear, but not listen to anyone, more so when the comments are like: stop using hearing aids (which I mostly use for work), keep doing things like that, you are exaggerating.
I'm tired of feeling like this. She says goodbye who came to vomit today only what she felt, without a filter, without being sure that everything has coherence, but that only means that she is afraid that her fears will come true.
Thank you for reading me
With love, G..
FUENTE
Fotos: tomadas por mi desde mi redmi 10
Traducción: Deepl
SOURCE
Photos: taken by me from my redmi 10
Translation: Deepl
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