Wow it's amazing, one day you can be in high spirits, and other days you don't even know if you are on the ground, it's uncertain sometimes to know what's wrong with me, and here I am looking at the ceiling with my eyes about to cry thinking how to develop this post, how to make myself understood without anyone thinking I am being dramatic enough, I am a person who doesn't like to show that she is sad, I could be sinking you know? and it wouldn't be noticeable.
_____________________1_________________________ Llevo días sintiéndome mal conmigo misma, discuto internamente conmigo, me hiero y podría suponerse que algo malo esta pasando, pero lo cierto es que nada malo pasa, se que mis problemas son tan pequeños a comparación de muchos otros y ese pensamiento es con el que lucho todos los días porque... ¿porque tengo que sentirme así? busco información y mis síntomas parecen demostrar que estoy teniendo un cuadro de depresión y entonces me enojo aun más conmigo y vuelvo a preguntarme ¿pero porque tienes que sentirte así?, estoy siendo dura conmigo y se que es completamente valido sentirse decaído algunos días pero siento que si paso un día más sin querer levantarme de la cama, sin salir de mi cuarto, sin querer comer y sin querer hablar con nadie temo que voy a incumplir y dejar atrás todo lo que he trabajado en mi, en mi amor propio, en mis miedos, en mi soledad, en mis ideas y no serán solo unos días.
I have been feeling bad about myself for days, I argue internally with myself, I hurt myself and it could be assumed that something bad is happening, but the truth is that nothing bad is happening, I know that my problems are so small compared to many others and that thought is what I struggle with every day because... why do I have to feel this way? I look for information and my symptoms seem to show that I am having a depressive episode and then I get even more angry with myself and I ask myself again "why do you have to feel like this? I am being hard on myself and I know that it is completely valid to feel down some days but I feel that if I spend one more day without wanting to get out of bed, without leaving my room, without wanting to eat and without wanting to talk to anyone I fear that I am going to fail and leave behind everything I have worked on myself, on my self-esteem, on my fears, on my loneliness, on my ideas and it will not be just for a few days.
Lo he intentado, de verdad lo he hecho, me he levantado temprano, he visto mis clases de ingles, me he cepillado, me he bañado y me he peinado, he intentado hacer ejercicios pero con 2 sentadillas ya me caigo, trato de comer rico pero no me encuentro, lo intento, pero no estoy.
I have tried, I have really tried, I have gotten up early, I have seen my English classes, I have brushed myself, I have bathed and combed my hair, I have tried to exercise but with 2 squats I fall down, I try to eat well but I can't find myself, I try, but I am not there.
Es difícil, porque me estoy sintiendo tan sola pero a la vez no quiero estar con nadie. Se que debo levantarme porque si no trabajo no como y mucho menos podre sostener mi techo. Me conozco, estoy consiente de que existen muchas maneras de tratar lo que pueda estar sintiendo, en algún momento creí que eso no me sucedería a mí y mucho menos ahora, buscar ayuda con un profesional en estos momentos no está en mi presupuesto, y a lo largo solo se que me harán sentir mejor las cosas que amo hacer solo que hacer lo que amo supone no tener las oportunidades.
Les confieso que entrar acá me hace sentir un poco mejor, aunque tengo días que no escribo les juro que estaba intentado pensar en que poder hacer para ustedes, pero me sentía vacía, 0 creativa, me levantaba a prender la computadora, abría la pagina y ponía mis dedos en el teclado que escribo ahora con la diferencia de que mi mente estaba en blanco, mis ánimos estaban modo fantasmas y mis dedos quietos como una estatua. Odio sentirme así y luchar contra eso, es como regañar a un niño que esta llorando, por más que intentes callarlo solo empeora.
Estoy en la tormenta, me desespero tanto por salir que solo me estoy hundiendo más.
It's hard, because I'm feeling so lonely but at the same time I don't want to be with anyone. I know I have to get up because if I don't work I won't eat, let alone be able to keep my roof over my head. I know myself, I am aware that there are many ways to deal with what I may be feeling, at some point I thought it would not happen to me and much less now, seeking help from a professional at this time is not in my budget, and in the long run I just know that it will make me feel better about the things I love to do only that doing what I love means not having the opportunities.
__________2___________I confess that entering here makes me feel a little better, although I have days that I do not write I swear that I was trying to think of what to do for you, but I felt empty, 0 creative, I got up to turn on the computer, opened the page and put my fingers on the keyboard that I write now with the difference that my mind was blank, my spirits were ghost mode and my fingers still as a statue. I hate feeling like this and fighting it, it's like scolding a crying child, no matter how hard you try to shut it up it only gets worse.
I'm in the storm, I'm so desperate to get out that I'm only sinking deeper.
📌Traductor / Deepl
📌Separador / Tutorialesteemit
📌Imagenes de Pexels / 1 , 2
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