Al momento de hacer vida de pareja, una de las más grandes inquietudes es preguntarnos si estamos preparados para tener un bebé. Que si estaremos consientes del tiempo y dinero que se requerirá para traer un nuevo miembro a la familia. Creemos que lo único necesario se reduce a eso; tener una jugosa cuenta bancaria y el tiempo suficiente para atender y criar. Sin embargo, siempre dejamos de lado lo que realmente importa; nuestra autoevaluación psicológica. Preguntarnos: ¿Soy una persona psicológicamente estable para atender a un bebé? ¿Mis gustos y mis intereses coinciden en la crianza de un hijo? ¿Estoy mentalmente apta para afrontar esta situación? Y estas incógnitas, irónicamente, son las que parecen no tener tanto peso para ser tomadas en cuenta.
At the moment of becoming a couple, one of the biggest concerns is to ask ourselves if we are ready to have a baby. That if we will be aware of the time and money that will be required to bring a new member to the family. We think that's all it takes; having a juicy bank account and enough time to care for and raise a child. However, we always leave out what really matters; our psychological self-assessment. Asking ourselves: Am I a psychologically stable person to take care of a baby? Do my tastes and interests coincide with raising a child? Am I mentally fit to face this situation? And these unknowns, ironically, are the ones that seem not to have so much weight to be taken into account.
Hace años conocí un pequeño niño de 10 años cuando me mude a mi actual residencia, su nombre era Roger. Creí que era hijo de la mujer con quien vivía, después de cruzar más palabras aclaró que era su tía, la que lo había criado desde pequeño. Era un niño un tanto maduro para su edad, se notaba que realmente este no es su ambiente, trataba de encajar invitando a los demás niños a jugar futbol en la cancha de deportes cerca del edificio. En su casa, era un hijo más, nunca le ha faltado nada desde que nació, su tía lo mimaba y consentía mientras se lo mereciera. Es un niño aparentemente servicial y obediente que se ha ganado nuestro cariño. Una tarde, tuve que servir de paño de lágrimas de su tía para saber toda la procedencia detrás de ese niño que ya queríamos mucho. Después de saber toda la verdad, su situación me ha tenido inquieta y pensativa todos estos días, por eso comparto.
Years ago I met a little 10 year old boy when I moved to my current residence, his name was Roger. I thought he was the son of the woman he lived with, after a few more words he clarified that it was his aunt, the one who had raised him since he was a little boy. He was a somewhat mature boy for his age, you could tell that this was not really his environment, he tried to fit in by inviting the other kids to play soccer on the sports field near the building. At home, he was just another son, he has never lacked anything since he was born, his aunt pampered him and spoiled him as long as he deserved it. He is a seemingly helpful and obedient child who has earned our affection. One afternoon, I had to serve as his aunt's tears cloth to find out the whole provenance behind this child we already loved so much. After knowing the whole truth, his situation has made me restless and thoughtful all these days, that's why I am sharing.
El padre de Roger, hermano de la tía de crianza, es un hombre joven que nunca tuvo sentido de superación, metido en problemas de drogas y alcohol; sus intereses se enfocaban en delinquir e irse de fiestas rodeado de personas con las que compartía sus mismos gustos. Hundido por completo en ese mundo oscuro donde tarde o temprano sales o te sacan del medio, conoció a la que llegaría a ser la madre de su hijo, Mary. Al igual que él, su mundo estaba rodeado de personas que andaban en los pasos equivocados, se había visto envuelta en ciertos tipos de situaciones con delincuentes, disfrutaba el mismo ambiente que su compañero, tenían gustos en común. Ambos eran tal para cual; durante los días de semana se reunían para llevar a cabo negocios ilícitos donde no existía el esfuerzo por el trabajo duro, para ellos la moneda debía ser fácil de conseguir corriendo los riesgos necesarios, pero fácil al fin, mientras esperaban los fines de semana donde las ganancias conseguidas eran despilfarradas en drogas y alcohol, carentes hábitos saludables, la moral por los suelos, vidas desordenadas. Así eran sus vidas, antes y después de estar juntos como pareja, la decadencia en su estado más puro.
Roger's father, the foster aunt's brother, is a young man who never had any sense of self-improvement, involved in drug and alcohol problems; his interests were focused on crime and partying with people who shared the same tastes. Completely sunk in that dark world where sooner or later you get out or they take you out of the way, he met the woman who would become the mother of his son, Mary. Like him, her world was surrounded by people who walked in the wrong steps, she had been involved in certain types of situations with criminals, she enjoyed the same environment as her partner, they had tastes in common. Both were like that; during the weekdays they met to carry out illicit businesses where there was no effort for hard work, for them the money should be easy to get running the necessary risks, but easy at last, while waiting for the weekends where the profits were squandered on drugs and alcohol, lacking healthy habits, morale on the floor, disorderly lives. Such were their lives, before and after being together as a couple, decadence in its purest state.
No paso mucho tiempo cuando su unión tuvo frutos; ella se encontraba embarazada. Entre los alborotos nocturnos y la bebida descontrolada Roger fue concebido. No hubo sentimientos al respecto; solo decidieron seguir con el embarazo, aunque fuera de manera negligente, el hecho de esperar un bebé no los hizo recapacitar acerca de tener un cambio en su vida, era de esperarse. Ella no tenía familia, no hubo nadie que la apoyara excepto la abuela y la tía del bebe que estaba por nacer. Esos meses de gestación, la familia del padre del niño se unieron para prestarle todo el apoyo durante este tiempo; le facilitaron la vida por y para el bebé en camino.
It wasn't long before their union came to fruition; she was pregnant. Amidst the late night rowdiness and uncontrolled drinking Roger was conceived. There were no feelings about it; they just decided to go through with the pregnancy, even if it was negligent, the fact of expecting a baby did not make them think about having a change in their life, it was to be expected. She had no family, there was no one to support her except the grandmother and aunt of the unborn baby. During those months of gestation, the family of the child's father came together to support her during this time; they made her life easier for the baby on the way.
Al nacer, la negligencia de su madre siguió, nadie pudo hacer nada. Cuando el niño alcanzo la edad de 3 años, el padre decide separarse de la madre de su hijo, peleando por su custodia, argumentando que ella no iba a cambiar, aunque él tampoco lo haría, quería al niño para entregárselo a su hermana. Hubo pruebas suficientes para alejar el niño de su madre; el estado deplorable que se encontraba el niño basto para que la declararan incapaz. Su padre tomo a su hijo pequeño y se lo dio en brazos a su hermana, tía del niño. Así, ambos padres, por su comportamiento, alejaron a su hijo. Ellos, siguieron con su vida sin ningún tipo de culpa ni remordimiento; sus rutinas consisten en hacer lo que hacían antes, como si su hijo no hubiese existido. Les bastaba con solo verlo en aquellas fechas donde solo se ve a la familia por compromiso; navidad, año nuevo, cumpleaños y algún duelo. Eso era suficiente para ellos. Ese niño ha sido criado por su tía desde entonces, sin tener ningún de apego hacia sus padres, para él, ellos eran solo unos miembros de la familia más que no tenía bien claro como referirse a ellos. No hubo tiempo de apegos emocionales, ni siquiera se había creado un vínculo en sus primeros 3 años.
At birth, his mother's neglect continued, no one could do anything about it. When the child reached the age of 3, the father decided to separate from his son's mother, fighting for custody, arguing that she was not going to change, although he would not change either, he wanted the child to give him to his sister. There was enough evidence to take the child away from his mother; the deplorable state of the child was enough for her to be declared incompetent. His father took his infant son and gave him in his arms to his sister, the child's aunt. Thus, both parents, by their behavior, drove their son away. They went on with their lives without any guilt or remorse; their routines consisted of doing what they did before, as if their son had never existed. It was enough for them to see him only on those dates when they only see the family for commitment; Christmas, New Year, birthdays and some mourning. That was enough for them. That child has been raised by his aunt since then, without having any attachment to his parents, for him, they were just one more family member and he was not sure how to refer to them. There was no time for emotional attachment, not even a bond had been created in his first 3 years.
Su tía, juntos a sus dos hijas, se encargaron de su educación y valores; que desarrollara una disciplina como el futbol, tomara clases para reforzar el contenido de su escuela aunque su interés en ella era casi inexistente. Tuviera excelente ambiente familiar al igual que buena vestimenta y comida. Era un niño afortunado, tenía personas que lo amaban que evitaron el desastre de vida que le esperaba al lado de su madre.
His aunt, together with her two daughters, took care of his education and values; that he developed a discipline such as soccer, took classes to reinforce the content of his school although his interest in it was almost nonexistent. He had an excellent family environment as well as good clothes and food. He was a fortunate child, he had people who loved him and avoided the disaster of life that awaited him at his mother's side.
)Sin embargo, actualmente ha surgido una interrogante que no parece tener respuesta. Roger ha manifestado fuertemente que quiere vivir al lado de su madre. Como fui el paño de lágrimas de su tía; ella está segura que esa decisión él había tomado desde que ella puso mucho énfasis en su educación, él está próximo a entrar en la preparatoria y aún no sabe leer bien porque simplemente no le interesa hacerlo; viendo esta situación ella había decidió que tomara clases particulares con diferentes maestros. Este hecho al parecer fue su peor disgusto, el abiertamente aseguraba que estudiar no era lo suyo. El había decidido irse, quería estar con su madre, sabría que no iba a tener la misma vida a la que estaba acostumbrado pero valdría la pena, era el precio que tenía que pagar para no rendir cuestas al salirse con la suya. Estaba interesado en andar en la calle, no quería estudiar, poseía conocimientos sobre todo lo malo que pasa en las calles. Se comportaba como si hubiese sido criado y educado por sus propios padres biológicos. Su tía desesperada se encontraba con las manos atadas.
However, a question has now arisen that does not seem to have an answer. Roger has strongly stated that he wants to live at his mother's side. As I was his aunt's tears; she is sure that this decision he had made since she put a lot of emphasis on his education, he is about to enter high school and still does not know how to read well because he simply does not care to do so; seeing this situation she had decided that he should take private lessons with different teachers. This fact apparently was her worst displeasure, he openly assured that studying was not his thing. He had decided to leave, he wanted to be with his mother, he knew he was not going to have the same life he was used to but it would be worth it, it was the price he had to pay to not give up the cost of getting his own way. He was interested in hanging out on the streets, he didn't want to study, he possessed knowledge about everything bad that happens on the streets. He behaved as if he had been raised and educated by his own biological parents. His desperate aunt's hands were tied.
En estos casi 7 años, su madre seguía llevando la misma vida que tenía antes de tenerlo, a diferencia que tenía otra pareja; lo había conocido en los mismos lugares que había conocido al padre de su hijo, emprendedor; tenía su pequeño negocio de venta de narcóticos en casa. Ella estaba feliz por tener a su hijo y que conviviera con su pareja, juntos formarían una familia.
In these almost 7 years, his mother continued to lead the same life she had before she had him, except that she had another partner; she had met him in the same places she had met her son's father, an entrepreneur; he had his small business selling narcotics at home. She was happy to have her son and to have him live with her partner, together they would form a family.
La expresión en la cara de la tía del niño era de temor. Se sentía aterrada de solo pensar que su sobrino, que había criado con tanto amor y valores siguiera pasos equivocados en la vida que lo llevarían a repetir el mismo patrón de sus padres. Aún no sabe cómo accionar ante tal situación, por los momentos está en la etapa del lamento. Siempre hemos escuchado sobre la predisposición genética acerca de algunas enfermedades o alergias, pero ¿Existirá algún factor que incida en la predisposición genética de la personalidad y la conducta? ¿A pesar de no haber sido criado por sus padres biológicos? ¿Es algo que se lleva en los genes? Estas preguntas habían quedado en mi cabeza al tratar de buscarle una explicación lógica al asunto, fue la única que encontré. Hace falta más información, indagar en la mente de ese niño, hablarlo con expertos en la materia que corroboren. Lo cierto es, que, su tía ha hecho todo lo que ha estado en sus manos para darle lo mejor a su sobrino, ella lo mira como un hijo. Pero ¿Cómo alejamos del fuego a alguien que quiere quemarse?
The expression on the boy's aunt's face was one of fear. She felt terrified at the thought of her nephew, whom she had raised with so much love and values, following the wrong steps in life that would lead him to repeat the same pattern of his parents. She still does not know how to act in such a situation, for the moment she is in the stage of regret. We have always heard about the genetic predisposition to some diseases or allergies, but is there any factor that influences the genetic predisposition to personality and behavior, even though he was not raised by his biological parents? Is it something that is carried in the genes? These questions had remained in my head when I tried to find a logical explanation to the matter, it was the only one I found. More information is needed, to investigate into the child's mind, to talk to experts in the field to corroborate. What is certain is that his aunt has done everything in her power to give the best to her nephew, she looks at him as a son. But how do we keep someone who wants to get burned away from the fire?
Las imágenes son de mi autoria
The images are my own
Esta es una historia real. Fui autorizada para contarla.
This is a true story. I was authorized to tell it.
Para la traduccion usé DeepL
For the translation I used the translator DeepL
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Que mal me sentí por la tía de Roger. Pero quizás dandole.un enfoque diferente reaccione, me acuerdo que en mi época rebelde mi papa me saco del colegio y me consiguió un trabajo. No paso una semana antes que estuviera rogando por volver al colegio, quizás si le consigue a roger un trabajo el se de cuenta que la vida no es tan fácil como la pintan. Un abrazo