Exactly one month ago, on February 15, 2020, I found myself alone, in a hotel in Caracas, in the middle of my worst emotional breakdown in years, trying to understand what I did wrong and looking for the culprits of my misfortune.
The time, the crisis, the lack of support... We always try to blame the universe, God... for problems we cause ourselves, just for not listening to the universe or God.
That day passed with total normality, I was always active and happy, laughing out loud with two incredible people, even I did not expect what would happen that night.
That nigth at the hotel...
Arriving at the hotel, every step I took towards the room, I undressed... every meter I walked to bed, I stripped myself of a disguise that no one, not even my closest relatives, could see.
Most people think that depression looks like this; someone sad, gloomy, and lifeless... however, depression has no face.
It doesn't matter if you are the richest man in the world, or the happiest comedian, it doesn't matter if you have economic stability, physical health, or you repeat yourself a thousand times that nothing happens... depression is always lurking in the depths of your being... But...
Why do we get depressed?
Each of us is carrying their own demons, memories of the past, desires of the future, doubts ... and that often leads us to live in constant frustration... We cannot achieve our goals if we are only thinking about the future, and we cannot correct our mistakes if we only think about the past.
Living the present as if it were a gift, as cliché as it may seem, is something we forget daily...
That night, my head was flooded with incredibly distant thoughts, I thought that out of foolishness and pride I let the woman of my life escape, I remembered the death of my grandmother, of my cat, the time I unintentionally broke a girl's heart at school, and things so ambiguous that it would be pointless to mention them.
My whole life passed before my eyes as a prelude to my death, just like in the movies.
My gaze turned from time to time to the balcony, with a beautiful view of the mountains and a lighted city, the landscape seemed to be the ideal one for my purposes, for my end.
There was nowhere to write, plus I don't think anyone cared what I had to say or the circumstances that led to it, however, I didn't want some people to feel guilty, specifically a girl.
So, I took my cell phone and recorded a heartfelt voice memo as a farewell... But it didn't sound very sincere so I deleted it.
Maybe because of my nerves, because I knew I was about to die, or whatever, everything I said sounded fake... Was it just an attempt to get attention? Was I fooling myself? Was I exaggerating my circumstances? I don't really know.
They say that suicides are cowards, but taking one's own life, in whatever form, is not something that just anyone can do, it takes a lot of courage to plan something like that... I know that now.
I went to the sliding window on the balcony and looked down, eleven floors... The fall would surely last only a few seconds, the blow would be enough to die instantly... But I realized something.
I was in a luxurious hotel, where each night cost more than three times what the average Venezuelan earns in a month... Why did I want to die when I was just starting my adventure?
Yes, I was destroyed for many reasons... but were they enough?
What if the woman I love loves someone else? - I have thousands of people loving me and praying for me every night, for my well-being, waiting to see me and hear what I have to say...
What does it matter if sometimes things get difficult financially? - I have talent, I have the experience and the capacity to solve any problem, and money is the most ordinary thing in the world, it is everywhere!
Life often gives us unexpected lessons, hard, difficult to understand in the moment... But if we calm down and take a deep breath, we will find meaning in everything. The universe speaks, God exists... one way or another.
You still don't believe me?
Did you know that there's a large percentage of our DNA left undetected?
Scientists know it as junk DNA, a sequence that has no purpose, at least for them... however, I think you and I know, by now, that science doesn't know everything.
This DNA sequence could very well be, the soul... or a series of indications, just like when our biological clock tells us that we want to have children, something that helps to forge our destiny.
Imagine that your whole life is spent trying to be something you shouldn't be, something that isn't written for you in your DNA. You'd lose valuable time, from disappointment to disappointment... you would be heartbroken, you would lose friendships, your whole world would be upside down and you would end up not knowing where you belong, for the simple reason that you don't fully understand that we all have a purpose, and we are in a race against time to fulfill it...
Remember, life is what happens, when we think nothing happens.
Time, is not an invention of man... man named it and invented a way to measure it, yes, the hours, the minutes and seconds, the years... But time is something else, something that connects us all no matter where or when we are.
The decision you made yesterday, will affect someone tomorrow, and another person in 10 years... we live in a universe that is governed by the law of cause and effect, and if all your actions are a product of selfishness and excessive ambition, if you do everything on a whim or carnal desires product of immaturity, you will not receive more than a negative response from the universe.
We are sheeps in a universal flock, and our shepherd is time, each of us has something to accomplish, some have a simple purpose, and others will end up creating huge things with our help.
Stop desiring what others have, and start building your own... your legend.
Live, always thinking that when you die, someone will tell your story... Live with honor, righteousness... and I assure you better things will come to you.
The universe rewards those who fulfill their purpose, gives them more responsibility, takes them to incredible places, brings them together with the right people.
The woman or man you love will come to you, without looking for him... The money you need will come to you without realizing it, while you do what you love, without worrying.
The happiness you are looking for you could already have it, if you understand what that purpose is, that destiny is written for you.
Unfortunately, I cannot tell you what your purpose in life is, but I can tell you what mine is and how I discovered it.
You may have an incredible talent for the guitar, in fact, you are the best guitarist in years... You, you think you should be on stage playing with the best, be a rock legend... But fate has a pretty bad sense of humor actually, and it turns out it gave you that talent to use at the right time...
Maybe your destiny is to teach music, to inspire others to be bigger than you, or it gave you that talent to raise a girl's self-esteem, with a serenade, eye, this is just an example... maybe you should be on a stage with aerosmith. But that's something you have to differentiate yourself.
My purpose is to motivate, to teach and to transmit experiences... my purpose is not to be youtuber, neither to be famous... But both Youtube, and the fame that can come with my videos, is something that helps me to better fulfill my purpose.
You decide which way to go to fulfill yours...
How did I discover my purpose in life?
The answer may not help much, but that's what it is.
I ALWAYS KNEW...
Nobody forced me to be what I am, to study what I studied... I was lucky to have a family that supported me in every moment, even in the moments when there was no money, they were always on my side, ready to support each of my plans.
When I was 8 years old, I think... I don't remember anymore, my parents gave me a cassette recorder, with it I started to record radio programs, fake interviews, even with the help of my neighbor we used to record radio novels and science fiction stories.
At that time, it was just a game, now it's my life.
But a lot had to happen before I discovered that was my thing... still, I never forgot.
Even when my family made me study law, all I could think about was, I want to be a lawyer so I can defend my works and protect my copyright.
When I studied systems engineering, I wanted to learn about programming to develop video games and tell my stories in that format...
Do you understand?
My purpose is not to MAKE VIDEOS, it's to INSPIRE OTHERS, TO MOTIVATE, TO TRANSMIT, TO TEACH...
And I can achieve that in a thousand ways, and it doesn't matter how I do it, whenever I do it I feel good, I feel fulfilled, even when there is not much money, I am happy because I am doing what I love, fulfilling my purpose.
Your purpose will never give you sadness, your purpose will never make you suffer... Understand that!
The universe is not so cruel as to do that to you, but it is firm enough to punish you if you don't do what you should.
It doesn't matter if I write or record a video, as long as I help others to get something, or to feel something... I feel fulfilled, and immediately, I receive a reward. Sometimes the reward doesn't seem worth it, while other times it's so great, it makes you feel fulfilled and lucky.
I still don't get to live MY MOMENT, that moment we are all destined to live, the moment we were born for... But I know I will be ready, and you?