I was going to write something completely different today but instead ended up taking a little time at the end of the day to reflect on Mother's Day.
Yes, today was Mother's Day here in the USA and in a good number of other countries. My mother passed away in 2009 so it has been a while since she was last the focus of Mother's Day. These days, Mrs. Denmarkguy — as the mother of our kids — is one who takes center stage.
That said, I spent a bit of time reflecting on the days when my mom was still alive. Alas, we did not have a very close relationship which was definitely not made any closer by the fact that I lived on the US West Coast and she and my stepdad lived back in Europe during their final years, after spending many years in Phoenix, AZ.
The funny thing about passing time is that we eventually seem to move towards a place of forgetting why something was the way it was. In this case, it has become harder and harder over the years to remember why exactly my mother and I didn't have a close relationship. Thing that were once "big deals" have slowly faded into the mists of time.
In the broadest sense, I know that most of our "distancing" was the result of our expectations and desires of what we wanted our lives to mean were radically different. In many ways, it always felt like it was a disappointment to her that I never became an ambitious doctor or attorney who lived in the ”right” neighborhood and belong to the ”right” Country Club.
Whereas I grew up with that life, I never had any interest in pursuing it. I found no contentment in the pretension and facades, and the lives dedicated to puffed-up attempts to impress other people.
After more than a decade, what I remember more is that my mom and I shared a common love of — and interest in — food and cooking and being in the kitchen. Perhaps that aspect of our relationship stands out to me because it was one of the few areas in which we seemed to ”connect.”
As for Mother's Day itself, it was never really that much of a big deal because we were typically separated by a substantial geographic distance. Usually, there would be a phone call and I'd send her a card in the mail and that would be about it.
And as she approached her final years the lifelong gap between us seemed to be made a little bit wider as she slowly sank into dementia. The last time I visited her was in May of 2008, and she would have lucid moments and not-so-lucid moments. But — has had long been the case — we were able to enjoy cooking a number of meals together, and it almost felt like she temporarily ”became more herself” when we were in the kitchen.
And that, is what I chose to remember of her on this Mother's Day.
Thanks for reading, and I hope your Mother's Day was a good one!
How about YOU? How was your Mother's Day? Did you celebrate Mother's Day, at all? Comments, feedback and other interaction is invited and welcomed! Because — after all — SOCIAL content is about interacting, right? Leave a comment — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!
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Created at 20210509 23:58 PDT
0258/1501
Glad you're able to remember the good things!
We visited my mother in law yesterday and will be visiting my mum this friday to make up for mothers day. She always visits my grandmother on that day, so we just make our own mothers day a little later. Although the only thing really different about any other visit is the gift! We're pretty close, so we see each other often and call every week. Hope we'll be able to continue that for a long, long time.
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That's cool your last visit centered around cooking, something you both liked. Nice post!
It is nice that there was "some" good and that is what you have chosen to remember.
That peachy colored flower in the third photo looks like it had crinkled tissue paper petals. Very pretty.