In tough times, everyone has to take their share of the pain. - Theresa May
What a year!!!! Just thinking about all the hardship and heartache that so many of us have been through literally brings me to tears. It has truly been SUCH a trying year and it just never seems to stop. As some of you already know, I lost my mom in June this year, right in the middle of our hard lockdown. My best friend that went from a "seemingly" perfectly healthy woman to bed ridden, in nappies and then just GONE within the space of three weeks. Six months have passed already, but I honestly don't think I have begun to truly process it yet.
Just thinking about it hurts too much. I miss my mom so much I cannot even put it into words. There are so many moments, every single day that remind me of that rock in my stomach and ache in my heart. Nobody and nothing can ever replace the presence of a mother.
So many moments that I want to share things with her, questions I need answered or just moments where I forget and simultaneously remember that she is no longer around. Our world is very much emptier without her. I knew that this festive season would be a hard one, but I am not sure I was entirely prepared for just HOW hard.
Looking back at the year, some of you may recall that my eldest brother who lives in the UK landed up in critical condition with bacterial meningitis at the end of last year. We very nearly lost him and the other night he sent a message on our family group sharing that it was exactly one year to the day since had collapsed in his bathroom and was rushed off to hospital. He shared how grateful he was to still be alive and how much he loved us.
Literally 3 hours after that message was sent, we got a message from his girlfriend to tell us that he had collapsed in the bathroom again and had been taken to hospital - AGAIN - EXACTLY one year later - to the DAY! It felt like we were being dragged into some kind of HORROR movie! Thankfully it was not a repeat of last year, but a virus that had caused him to collapse and he is doing a lot better now, despite having quite a severely cut up face from the collapse itself. But seriously life.... WTF?!
Earlier in the year I also came very close to exiting this world by slowly bleeding to death without even actually realising how precariously close I was to death, until I too collapsed.
Glory, there has just been so much tragedy and loss. Lost an uncle about 3 weeks ago too as if the above was not already enough to cope with emotionally... over and above all the additional financial strains etc. compliments of Covid and lockdown.
I don't think I have ever been as emotionally tested as much as I have this year. I always try to look for the positive in things, but have to admit that 2020 has NOT made this easy. I am tired, depleted and mostly just feel like I want to escape from absolutely everything and everyone.
You're going to go through tough times that's life. But I say, nothing happens to you, it happens for you. See the positive in negative events. - Joel Osteen
But - as I do, I will continue on with a positive attitude - I know that is what my mom would have done. I genuinely hope that 2021 offers us ALL a little more peace in our lives - time to heal and find our true smiles again.
❤❤❤
Until next time...
Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx
Jaynielea
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Thanks @steemflow x
Sometimes the best thing to do is escape, sit in the countryside and try piece it all together, our thoughts, emotions the whole bang shoot!
You have had a torrid time Jaynie, only thing is to keep placing one foot in front of the next, reel in positive feelings from wherever they hiding and making it into next year hopefully a better year ahead.
One lives with ones parents past/present every day, it does not get easier it is just a realization that life must carry on!
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So true Joan. Am doing my best to keep the cogs turning. Lots of love xxx
Can I come over and sit with you two ?
Yeah sure why not, will have to find somewhere deep in the mountains with a river or dam and a truck full of red wine 😃
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STOP2021 is going to be a better year, @jaynie. It certainly can't be any worse! Hoping you all stay healthy and happy.
I hope so xxx hugs!!! Hope you are well too.
Thank you @thekittygirl and @innerblocks 💗
Amen. Amen. I have to be honest with you. I think I ran out of positive when they told me they couldn't bury my brother.
This has been such a sucky year for you and the only thing I can say is 2021 is going to look pretty good to all of us! Unless the world ends, then all bets are off.
As an aside, you know I lost my mother and I will always say, it is the most profound loss ever. Ever. Ever.
Love to you.
Thank you for the love and support beautiful lady. The end of the world almost seems easier than having to trudge through another year like 2020, lol.
Love you lots.
It was a giant ass of a year. And the fact that you had to endure so many emotional things is really so sad and again life like it’s happens it’s a curve ball that is given to to strong and the fact you are still standing as the fierce mum
And wife needed for Jude and hubby is the path that’s needed. We all have the ups and the downs we all have to cope and don’t give up and the Covid, lockdown, and all the losses make it hard, know that your friends will always be there and there is always wine dear and the virtual online toasts can stay aswell
Love B
It has been a tough row to hoe. So much crushing you down, so little reprieve. My heart goes out to you.
Look away from all this. Just sit with your own. And breathe. XOXO
There is only so much a soul can take.