Day 1’s of things are usually more difficult for me in the lead up to them than the actual day itself. I’ve ‘quit’ smoking several times, done fasts and juice cleanses, etc. and the anticipation of the first day is usually worse than actually getting started. Well I’m off an running. I fully anticipate withdrawal stuff hitting me around day 3 or 4 but it’s ok, I can do this.
The sunrise was gorgeous this morning. It helped get me going at 6:00 am. The day was packed and it needed to be to keep my mind off the damned cigs.
Basic Morning Routine
- Dogs go outside first thing
- Breakfast for the dogs and coffee (but now tea) for me and Jocelyn
- Head out for a 2-4 mile walk with the dogs (the puppy is a handful if not)
- Cold Shower/Plunge
- Transcendental Meditation (Guided meditation on Friday’s)
- Breakfast and morning vitamins for Jocelyn and I
- On with our day
I did weight myself today just as a point of reference. The goal of this cleanse is not specifically weight loss. Reduction in inflammation is more of the physical focus. Coincidentally, I wasn’t too embarrassed to see 190.4 lbs on the scale. I have fluctuated between 170 and 220 most of my adult life. I do tend to feel happier and healthier around 180. Let’s see if we can get there.
How Have I Been Making Decisions for Myself?
Today’s guided meditation had to do with messages from the SUN. Or at least what Darius called a ‘download’. Personally, I was thinking about how I need to know that I deserve to be happy and healthy in this life. The sun doesn’t give a shit what I do, it just keeps being the sun. But in there is some kind of awesome connectedness we all have. 7 billion of us look up at the same exact sun. And every single one of us can be happy, we just need to make decisions for ourselves from a healthy place.
I can safely say that a lot of my life decisions in the past haven’t been made from a place of happiness or love for myself. They have been made from a place of duty, fear, or self doubt. And a lot of those choices brought more suffering to my life than was worth any of the positive. There are certainly some decisions that I made from a healthier place…like going out on a limb and dating/marrying someone who would’ve scared the crap out of me when I was younger because she is wild and free. Jocelyn is the Yin to my Yang in many ways and that decision came from a place of pure love and happiness.
My meditation took a turn to a darker thought or at least a less positive one. What if a lot of my poor lifestyle decisions come from a place of self punishment. Self harm because somewhere I feel unworthy of happiness or that I’ve come up short of some ideal image I have for myself. And it’s those repeated, harmful acts that can lead to an early death (like death from 1,000 paper cuts). Dark AF, I know!!! I need to meditate and journal about it some more. I will also be working with Jocelyn on Yoga Nidra to find my Sankalpa.
Sankalpa is a Sanskrit term in yogic philosophy that refers to a heartfelt desire, a solemn vow, an intention, or a resolve to do something. It is similar to the English concept of a resolution, except that it comes from even deeper within and tends to be an affirmation.
-yogapedia.com
It will be this intention that will ground me and help inform a lot of my personal work moving forward.
The Daily Project: Berry Bushes
Finally after talking about it for 2 years, there are berry bushes on the property. And in a year, they will be producing fruit for us to eat and nourish us. 3 blueberry bushes and 2 raspberry bushes went into the ground today. There’s so much more to do but this was a huge start! Next I have to get the veggies in the planting boxes. I’m so late this year (like 3 weeks).
Dish of the Day
This evening I was starving. I had good stuff throughout the day but nothing substantial. It’s amazing how good food tastes when you’re truly hungry and it’s not just ‘time to eat’.
Pictured above is steamed broccoli florets with plant-based “nacho cheese” made from potatoes, onion, carrots, and nutritional yeast. I also made green lentils and rice with pan cooked veggies (carrots, onions, green pepper, and tomatoes). I ate to sustain myself today. Not to fill a void or to give myself a specific feeling. And I don’t feel like I sacrificed that much doing it.
ON TO DAY 2!!!
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