Gaslighting is a way people manipulate others in an abusive relationship. Basically what the abuser or the bully do, they try to make their targets question their judgement and their reality. The victim begin to wonder or think they are losing their mind.
Gaslighting mostly happen in married relationships or even dating relationships but it's also likely to happen in friendship and among family members too. Basically, toxic people are the once that use this form of emotional abuse to take power over people in their lives, in other to manipulate them. When someone is gaslighting you, you begin to second-guess yourself, the things you do and how you see things. They live you in a state where you end up wondering if something is wrong with you. Acts like this can make you question your judgement in life and even your mental health.
To better understand how gaslighting work here are some of the methods used by someone who is gaslighting you.
Lying happens to be one of the ways they carry out this act. People who go about gaslighting others are great liars. They will look you in the eyes and lie to you. The annoying part is, even when you provide proof, they will still not back down from their story, their story remains the same, making them look like they are telling the truth. They will go as far to make you feel like you are the one making things up. The scary part of all this is, even when you know they are not speaking the truth, like they are not being honest, they can still be very convincing and in the long run, you might end up doubting yourself.
Someone who is gaslighting you will always discredit you. The person will spread rumours about you to others and even pretend he or she is worried about you while they are going about telling people you are not stable emotionally. The sad part about this method used by a gaslighter is that, it can be very effective and often times people end up siding with the person gaslighting without actually knowing the true story.
Another way gaslighters carry out their act is by shifting the blame away from them. Each time you have conversations with such persons, they always know how to twist the part where you will have to receive the most blame. When you try discussing with them how bad their behaviour makes you feel, they always have a way of twisting the conversation so that you end up accepting you are the cause of their bad behaviour. They will try to convince you that, if only you had behaved a certain way, they wouldn't have end up treating you the way they did, leaving you feeling guilty in the end. Like I mentioned in the beginning, they can be very manipulative and always know how to make up stories.
Gaslighters are very good at denying their wrongdoings. They always do this to avoid accepting responsibility for their wrong actions. And when they do this, the victim of gaslighting is left unnoticed and unheard. A gaslighter denying their wrongdoings always have a strong effect on the victim. They find it so difficult to move on from the whole thing, they feel bullied inside and no one take them important enough to listen to what they have to say.
Another tactic of a gaslighter is that, they always know how to change the story. They will rewrite the story so that it end up favouring them. They will tell the story so well to the point you begin to question your memory if that was what actually happened. Once you start second-guessing yourself, then their goal has been achieved. For a gaslighter, the truth is what ever they make it. Their story is so convincing it ends up becoming the true story, leaving the victim feeling guilty.
Some Gaslighting Signs You Should Look Out For
Someone who is subjected to gaslighting becomes vulnerable to depression, anxiety and other mental health related issues. Because of this, it is very essential to for you to recognise when you are experiencing Gaslighting. Ask yourself the following questions, if a large number of them check on your list, them it's obvious you're experiencing Gaslighting from someone, it could be from your partner, a family member, a friend, anyone entirely.
- Do you always doubt your feelings and reality?
- Do you always question your judgement?
- Do you feel vulnerable and insecure at the same time?
- Do you often struggle with the thought of if you are actually what they say you are?
- Are you always disappointed in yourself and who you have become?
- Do you always feel confused?
- Are you always spending time apologizing to people?
- Do you feel inadequate?
- Are you always second-guessing yourself?
- Do you always assume the people around you are disappointed at you?
- Are you always struggling when it comes to you taking decisions because you lack trust on yourself?
If you answer yes to most of the questions above, I'd advise you seek professional help. When you don't address things relating to gaslighting this can affect your self-esteem and even your mental health. So, it's advisable not to leave it unattended to. Meet a professional to counsel you, he or she will help you process and deal with whatever it is you are going through at the moment.
Conclusion
I'd like you to be aware that you are not the cause of what you are experiencing right now. Hence I would advice you don't blame yourself. That person in your life Gaslighting you has made a choice to behave in that manner towards you. They are fully aware of their actions and are responsible for it. You did nothing to cause them to make the choices they are making right now, sad truth is, you wouldn't be able to change what they are doing. But, with very good counseling, you will be able to learn how to make very healthy choices and also know how to create boundaries between yourself and the people gaslighting you. If you receive the right kind of counseling, I promise you this, you will be able to reach a point where you can do away with such relationships. I really hope you find solace in all you do and in no time be free from people that gaslight others. Do have a beautiful day today.
Thanks for reading!
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That is true. It was their choice to behave in that manner. We need not to put to much concern with it unless they went overboard or when they steps beyond what is reasonable and legal. Another interesting write up, @officialuroga!
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Thank you so much @juecoree your input is always appreciated.
I see no reason why someone would want to enter a relationship just to manipulate someone's heart and play with them then leaving them looking stupid thereby falling into depression and anxiety that's just pure act of cruelty, human heart is not for the fun of it is to make that someone feel important and loved.
I have so many things bothering me the best I can allow into my life is someone who would play with my heart when I actually need someone who would encourage me, advice me and blow off my steam.
Love is just so sweet with the right person of course...
With this I learnt some of the skills those manipulators use and will put it in good use when I comes, or better still kick them off huh?
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Your comment is just so beautiful to read. And you are right, relationship should be about sharing love with one another instead of trying to manipulate the other person and make them second-guess all they do. No one should face such mental stress. Thanks for the lovely comment. I will take a look at the contest thanks.
Sadly I've been on the receiving end and from someone I'd least have expected. It took a long time before I realised and most of that realisation came after they left. It's kind of painful even reading about it, because I don't like facing that this person would do such a thing.
I'm sorry you've been facing such. It's really sad to know this. Well, I'm glad you've realised this now and with time you will feel better. I really hope you don't face such again.
Hopefully I'd be quicker to recognise it and draw boundaries if it ever happened again.
I hope so too. An I pray you don't experience this again.
Gaslighting is such terrifying manipuluation - it can drive you crazy. I feel so sorry for people who are it's victims.
Very true. People who do this just enjoy messing with the mind of others. I pity the victims, because a lot of them end up feeling depressed. Thanks for stopping by.
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