Have you heard of generational trauma? Basically it means that traumatic effects can be passed down a family line. If that sounds farfetched to you, all you have to do is imagine the effects of being raised in a home with an alcoholic.
Say someone in your family tree 200 years ago went through something traumatic and they started drinking to numb their pain. When they drank, they abused their kids. Those kids are now traumatized and start engaging in their own self-medicating behaviors, or they just take out their anger on their own kids the same way their father did to them because they know no other way. This continues on with each generation harming the next because of that original trauma being passed on. It might look a little different each time, but the cause is the same: a family passing on hurt and trauma to future generations. It's likely no one knows where it even began; it's just treated as "the way things are."
We Have To Be The Ones To Stop It
They say there are two kinds of people: those who say, "I don't want anyone to suffer the way I did," and those who say, "I suffered, why shouldn't they?" The latter attitude is how so much pain and suffering in the world gets passed on. As a society, we have to be the ones who choose the first option. We have to be the ones who say, the suffering stops here.
If you had a hard childhood, if you suffered abuse, if you grew up in poverty, if you are ill and can't afford treatment, if you feel alone and unloved, if you lived through war - whatever it is, we have to be the generation to say, "enough."
This applies to not only your children, but to society as a whole. If the striking workers of the late 19th/early 20th century didn't unionize and fight back and sometimes die, you wouldn't have gone to school as a child, you would have been working in a mine or a factory. If environmentalists hadn't fought pollution, you'd be living in air pollution much worse than we have now (the Clean Air Act has helped but there is still work to be done) or perhaps on a Superfund site. What if those people all said, "I suffered, why shouldn't they" and future generations all were told to suck it up and deal with their black lung and cancer?
But nowadays, there is no solidarity among the people, at least not in the States. Older generations constantly belittle younger generations and tell them they are "spoiled" for wanting the very same opportunities they had at that age. They somehow think the children they raised are magically lazy, that the system still works the same, that nothing has changed but their own kids are lying to them about everything. How are you gonna have solidarity with the people in power over your own kids?
People whose ancestors came to this country escaping poverty and war condemn those who are doing so today and call them "irresponsible" or "criminals." But they'll go on about how their Irish ancestors fleeing famine were treated as drunkards and denied good jobs and how unjust that was.
Someone who is a "functional alcoholic" who has a good paying job but drinks themselves to sleep every night and to blackout on the weekends will condemn a homeless person getting money because they say "they'll just buy booze with it."
When people fight for a better life, other people in this country condemn them, call them "lazy, entitled, and spoiled," will care more about their convenience than those people being able to feed their families or pay rent. They are doing the work of the propagandists for them, against their own kids, neighbors, and friends.
Why is that?
Why is everyone so hateful and belittling to their own community?
Is it because they're hurt and lashing out? Is it because "they suffered, so everyone else should too"?
I think so.
We have to be the ones to turn around, look at whatever hurt us square in the face, and say, "no more." We have to do the hard work. We have to learn how to heal. We have to face our fears. We have to show others the kindness that we were not shown. We have to have compassion for others and for ourselves. We have to want better for the next generation. We have to celebrate others' victories instead of dragging them down to our level if we have not succeeded yet. We have to lift others up instead of sinking them.
Now I'm not saying to celebrate greed - greed hurts others. Greed is exploitative. You don't become a billionaire just by the sweat of your own brow.
But frankly, those billionaires and millionaires who are never content even though they have more riches than the richest kings in history? They're miserable bastards. They're trying to fill the void with money just as much as the alcoholic is trying to fill the void with booze or the sex addict is trying to fill the void with sex or the adrenaline junkie is trying to fill the void with risky behavior. A healthy person would eventually reach a point where they feel like it's enough. It's a sign of mental and spiritual unwellness that they have no stopping point. A healthy person who enjoys an adrenaline rush would enjoy their extreme sport hobby and be satisfied. A healthy person who enjoys a good wine or whisky would enjoy a glass or two and be satisfied. A healthy person who enjoys sex would engage in healthy, consensual relationships and safe sex and be satisfied. A healthy person would achieve financial stability and a comfortable lifestyle and be satisfied. The insatiable billionaire needs to do the inner work, too.
Let's all work on ourselves and try not to pass our pain onto others like a cursed gift. Your neighbor getting a raise doesn't hurt you - the corporate greed at your place of work does. Your kids don't need to be abused to "toughen them up," they need a safe place to come home to when the world abuses them quite enough without your help. Other people fighting for rights doesn't take your rights away, because rights aren't a finite resource. Let's help each other to succeed and heal and grow and love. Let's do better than what was done to us. Let's progress to a brighter future, instead of salting the Earth because if you can't have it, no one can. Let's be the one to put the breaks on generational trauma, and find out what happens when a whole society of humans feel supported and valued.
Nice post 😁. If we make the "darkness conscious" (according to Carl G. Jung's quote), it implies we know better what not to do for achieve the enlightment.
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Wow! This post actually resonate with my life. Generational trauma and most times, I have always decided not to live my life that way and I am always saying "enough is enough". What I have suffered, I don´t want to suffer neither do I want my generation to suffer the same fate.
I am working on bringing change to myself and stop this generational trauma in my family.
I really enjoyed this post as it inspires me to fight for the good and never to transfer what I have gone through to others.
I'm so glad it resonated with you! :) Me too on deciding not to live my life that way. My teenage rebellion meant never ever doing drugs or alcohol because I didn't want to be like that. I still have never drank or done drugs. People think I do it for religious reasons, but no, it's just a life decision.
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Sometimes we have to accept the pain we feel, even if we don't know what it is and why it is there. I like to write things down, that gets them out my head, running round, banging on the walls and demanding my attention.
That's a good coping mechanism!