It was only after we'd had a serious home intrusion that I started thinking about the signals we send. My 17 year old half-Thai daughter and I live alone on the outskirts of Chiang Mai (here in Thailand) & honestly, before this incident, I have never given a thought as to how others might perceive our domestic life, such as one might be able to observe it from the street or over our not-high-enough fence.
It was only after the police reports were done that both local police and a US military friend suggested we routinely hang obviously male laundry on our conspicuous clothes line, and put our own pretty lacy underthings somewhere else... ie hung in a private bathroom Thai style (just nope!) or on a clothes rack in a locked spare room.
And so I found myself trawling through my Chiang Mai friends list asking for used guy clothing 🤣 cos there was NO WAY I was going to ask an ex.
And sure enough... the women of Chiang Mai came through. In a big way.
I am now the proud owner of not one, but TWO thoroughly used and well washed Y fronts. 🤣 As well as two pairs of obviously MAN flip flops (one each for the front & back porch), tshirts, board shorts and even an indigenous Karen overshirt shirt in the characteristic red colour only worn by men.
SIGH
Because most of my mama life Ive been working hard to make sure my daughter is NOT embarrassed by bras & period stains.
Suddenly being confronted by a "watcher", one sees things like laundry differently. Frankly, Im torn & angry to have to be thinking about and doing this. And yet, I'm pragmatically Dutch about most things, this one included.
It's perplexing to me that my messages and signals to my daughter of "no shame, natural & perfectly normal" could be construed by a malevolent watching-stalker as "no man living here, vulnerable, sexy & available".
And so Im actually putting on a bra (for now) when I wander out into our rather exposed back garden to the clothesline. And looking over my shouder a LOT. And occassionally laughing at the ABSURDITY of hanging up a girlfriend's ex-husband's old Y fronts like a flag.
But it IS an absurd & strange world, no?
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It's a very strange world I think some of us as we get older see it much differently to when young or perhaps it's only when awful things like this happen, signs are a great way to de-tour and while it's frustrating to have to do these extra things I believe it might be a part of healing.
OH gosh!!!!! Those Y fronts!!!! Far out babe, it totally sucks you are going through this and feeling the fear. It makes me really angry.
Right???!!! 🤣 I dont think Ive seen or handled Y fronts since I helped my mum hang out the family laundry 40 years ago. It's a culture shock just OWNING 2 thoroughly used pairs. 🤣
Laughter aside, it's sobering & frightening, esp since (a) they havent caught him and (b) since the haircut & age suggest the home invader is a young soldier.
It helps to vent about this stupid stuff... thanks for reading & responding. !ENGAGE 25
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No worries, I can totally get how rattled you must be and how you need to find a way to vent and shake it off! Never has 'be safe' uttered my lips this year (I hate it, given the times and our paranoia) but in this situation, it's absolutley legit - be safe, both of you!
ENGAGEtoday.Strange? Or just insane?
So sorry for you guys having to go through this and now having to do stupif shit like this x)
You're right - insane is the better choice of word. We're just taking it a day at a time & focussing on what we can control. Sadly right now that involves Y fronts.
Appreciate your stopping by. 😊 !ENGAGE 25
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ENGAGEtoday.Gosh. That was awful but it's good that you're now more alert. Hopefully, you will be safe from now on.
We're holding that thought of safety. Grateful my daughter has confronted that worst-case scenerio of a would-be rapist in her bedroom while her mama was close by... could have been so much worse.
Thanks for swinging by. 😊
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Yeah, it could have been worse. Best wishes to you and your daughter.
Omg!!! That you have to do those stuff just to send signals to those pesky people outside is so, should I say "sad"? My heart actually races at the thought that malicious people are looking at you and lurking about. You're such a strong woman. I don't know what i would have done if it were me.
I'm really sorry you have to live like that. Good idea though for sure especially with the threat of someone intruding uninvited. That, too, must've been a nightmare for you.
I, personally, would not recognize those as dudes drawls. Maybe get some bright, plaidy boxers. =}
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So much I want to say on this topic, but I've been working up a post in my mind about it for a few years now. 😂 Eventually, it will come out. Hopefully those old undies will help provide a bit of a red flag for any future would-be intruders, and a laugh in a time where a bit of brevity can be a blessing.
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When I saw the image I was wondering for a moment of this was a confession that you preferred the comfort of men's undies. 😆 My mother had a pair that were so similar to my husband's that when she lived with us for a while I accidentally put them in his undie drawer and he only discovered the mistake when he tried to put them on. 🤣
Gotta look on the bright side of life. At let she's old enough now to have learnt there's no shame in women's things and there's a good reason for this. Unfortunately, reality has to reach all our children one day and our only real predators are other people.
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OMG... I am sorry that happened to you.
You'll never know what people are thinking!
I live in California and live alone.
As a precaution, I have a size 13 man's shoes parked outside the threshold!
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hilarious post!