A typical African home has a very bad culture of putting all responsibilities on the first child, I find this act particularly annoying whenever I hear about it and the bad part is that, a lot of pressure is placed on that child especially when the child is unable to meet the needs efficiently.
I was reminded of this painful reality today when I was speaking with a close male friend who was pouring out his heart to me. He actually got a job after he barged his BSC, and as expected from a normal African home, he took the burden off his parents who were almost retired at the time, he helped with his siblings school fees amongst meeting other household needs. However, two years down the line, he began to have issues at work, he eventually lost the job and of course had nothing to fall back on, since all he made was spent on his family.
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He moved away from home and relocated to his friend’s place, he started to pick his life up again, trying different things at the time, making little that could sustain him and the time and nothing left in savings. His family members started calling to tender their needs as usual, and his reply was that, he was trying to focus on himself now. I was expecting them to understand but that was far from it since they were really angry and not pleased by that response, they expected him to shoulder all their responsibilities as the first born child and that’s the only thing they want to hear.
He has been trying to plead with them to give him more time to sort himself out appropriately, but they are of the opinion that he may just want to ignore their pain and be unreasonable about their pains and need.
He has gotten enough of the occurrence and when he could no longer take it anymore, he had to call me to vent and express his dissatisfaction.
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In a proper African home, family values are held religiously and children are not allowed to disrespect their parents in anyway possible, he was so annoyed that they do not even care about his survival, the only thing they were interested in, was his ability to offer something.
None of them ever calls to check up on him or ask after his well-being, the only thing they seem interested in, was in meeting the needs and responsibilities in the home, the moment he was unable to do that, he was not regarded as a man.
I was extremely disappointed in his family and everything that I heard, but this sad reality is even more common in more common African homes than we can imagine and it’s really a sad reality.
The good book says, a good man leaves fortunes for his children, but reverse is always the case in most of these African homes as parents cannot leave any fortune for their children, but rely heavily on the children to lift the burden off their own shoulders.
Even if this story may sound untrue to those who have never seen anything like this before, it still remains a common reality over here, just as my friend choose to rant about the happening’s in his reality to me, I decided to rant here as well. Thanks for your time, I will really like to know if you have ever heard or see anything like this before and of course if you have any advice for my friend as well. Thanks a lot.
Hi @bimbo45
This you mention "His family members started calling to attend to his needs as usual, and his response was that he was now trying to concentrate on himself", is a very painful thing.
Best regards, be well.
Really painful situation, thanks for your time.
Life's plans may not go as expected.
And some expectations may be too great to shoulder under unrealistic conditions.
💚
Definitely too great sometimes, I appreciate your comment, thanks.
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