This post is written by me, but you can easily (and I would be honoured if you did) make it your own. Neither is what you are about to read an absolute truth, nor should it be considered as some kind of ‘guide’ to anything. It is a personal assessment, which as a woman I make for @ladiesofhive, a community; perhaps the only one, where all of us can be largely free and vulnerable, ‘good’ and ‘bad’, but above all free of stereotypes.... Or at least, I see and understand it this way. I will try to answer the rhetorical question I pose in the title, I will do my best to dispel the myths that everyone expects about us, women...
Imagine it this way, my dear female friend... From the time you are about 5 or 6 years old, you start to have memories, come on; conscience.... Almost, from that moment on, your alienation also begins. ‘You must fit in this way’, ‘dress like a girl’, ‘straighten your hair this way, and with this frequency on a weekly basis...’. You don't answer me, just think about it for a moment as you read these lines. Your toys, the ones from your childhood, up to whatever age you remember them, what kind of toys were they? Pink painted appliances? Little pots and pans, or maybe tea cups? Although it may sound like proggy jargon, believe me when I tell you, these factors explain a lot of our loneliness.
And yes, you read that really well. I'm talking about loneliness. The one you know you have whenever things don't work out the way you'd like... When you fight with your partner, and you stubbornly believe that it's because he doesn't find you attractive or desirable anymore... Or the same one, which makes you think that all the other women around you are ‘fake’ or ‘envy you’. Even if you don't believe it, you must admit that as women, we have an enormous and I don't know if we can pay off our debt to other women. You are not, I am not, we are not in solidarity with each other.... Both for our own benefit and for the benefit of others ....
How do the multiple aspects of what I have developed relate to what I say about childhood, about the question of my post? Well, that we are ‘trained’, although I would prefer to call it ‘trained’ to be a kind of desert island, anxious and dependent on others; especially on men (or partners we choose)... As we eat up the bullshit that ‘they're all bad’, or that ‘women can't be friends with other women’, our assessment and appreciation of the reality around us is directly related to our only opinion. This action makes us lack perspective, but above all, it makes us lack support.
It all starts from upbringing and education. Beauty is just one more manifestation of this. The other time, a friend of mine said to me in a critical way in a conversation we were having, ‘Have you noticed that except for the skin colour and complexion of each girl, almost all of you wear the same make-up, dress and style your hair the same?’ He was referring to the way we obsessively straighten our hair, because we have been taught that frizz is a kind of demon that we can't deal with. Or that the naturalness and diversity of our hair must be subjected to the one yoke of straight hair (it's a complete lo-cu-ra.).
So are we beautiful, understanding everything that lies behind every assessment of beauty, or, on the contrary, have we adapted, without even questioning it, to being beautiful in order to be valued by others, and not so much by ourselves? It seems like a stupid and meaningless question but it is the complete opposite, it is existential and deeply debatable... My mother's grandmother waxed, my grandmother in the same way, mum without question, and me too.... In 1910 having armpit hair was the most common thing in the world? When did it change? When DOVE, and Gillete created the need to buy more soap and more shavers... In women, obviously.
Should we shave or not? That is the most superficial and absurd debate. The decision is for each woman to make. What is substantial is the origin and the why of everything. And the constant anguish, dissatisfaction, negative comparison and deep denial that we women impose on each other, from generation to generation. My daughter sees me and always asks me why I do hair removal or make-up. She says she will never do it. I try to give her the best answers to all her questions. But I think in our case, she's growing up knowing that it's a choice, not a mandate. And I end with this; we are women, we are beautiful; it's a simple truth, let's accept it, us first, then the compliments will come.
I like the angle you took the topic from, indeed, we shouldn't try to please others but rather be real for ourselves. I mean, there's peace of mind there.
!LADY
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For me, and I think for you as well, the only way to do thing genuinely sincere comes from acknowledge our existence as individuals. Without that, I believe it's almost impossible not depending of someone's opinions of pov. Thank you so much for stopping by, love.
!LADY
True beauty is not about looks because everyone has different tastes! Beauty is the character
It goes way beyond of just beauty... It is, accurate as you said, a thing of character and cleverness. Thanks for stopping by, love!