It is such a sensitive topic and the element of shame plays a huge role in these guys getting away with it. Women speak too little of this because of the fear of being perceived as weak for being in such relationships.
Now that I look back it seem surreal that I was in such a relationship. There are multiple stages to go through until I was able to find peace and restore my faith in love. There are caring and true masculine men out there and a lot of the times women can shut down after such an experience.
Unfortunately in countries like Romania abuse is seen as normal. You can hear men swearing and talking trash with their women and nobody finds this to be an issue. If you are not hospitalized or dead your case is not seen as serious by the police.
Calling all of their female exes crazy is definetely a huge red flag, it is something they use in order to gain sympathy and portray themselves as victims.
You know that joke: I just wanted a loving relationship and I ended up having a Phd in narcissistic abuse lol. There is a plague nowadays called toxic masculinity which plays a role in the development of domestic abuse cases. Could the mothers of such men be blamed totally? In some cases. I think there is an entire cocktail of circumstance that build this kind of men. Most of them are in denial and continue to do damage. Their lack of empathy means that they don't even understand the suffering they have caused. One would tend to pity them, as I once did. But if you heal you can actually start to get very serious about the fact that your life was in danger by being with a violent man. A lot of women have a huge wake-up call when stuff gets serious. A few go back to the abuser until something happens that tips them to the edge.
I can remember so vividly a physical reaction to one of the many moments of his verbal abuse: literally uncontrolable shivering of my body reacting to the humiliation I went through. That was the final straw. I saw him for what he was : a monster. Only then I realized I had so much trauma stored in my body and it took me time to realize the damage caused by this relationship. It takes years to heal. The hardest part was to forgive myself for being with such a person and not feeling stupid for falling for the same game all over again. The hardest part was to leave him without going down to his level by treating him with respect. I am proud that I was able to do that in the final separation as the hurt and humiliation and abuse could make anyone want to get even.
I was literally lucky to have a voice on Hive. But imagine how many women don't have the place or the courage to speak out. The shame is real.
There is another difficulty in dealing with such individuals: the illusion that your love can save them or heal them in order to make them treat you like a human being. This is the rabbit hole. Nothing, nothing from what any woman does will help violent men. They are ill and need professional help. This is the truth that some women do not accept. We can't heal other people, they have to go and seek help themselves. But most likely these men go from worse to worse: they start drinking, alcohol , abusing tobacco and wasting time on tiktok and embelishing their social media in order to impress the next victim is what they do, it is like nothing happened, they go downhill and become worse and worse and I pity the next victim as she has no idea what she is getting into, just like I was clueless myself. I can guarantee that this man and his kind never have moments when they think that they owe an apology or that the problem is themselves, no, they are livin' la vida like nothing happened. This is the sick thing about their personality: no remorse. Mental...
We need to have schools teach girls about self respect, dignity, healthy love. But this ain't happening. I assume that this is another root cause of why women in Romania accept so much abuse, they have been conditioned to believe it is normal. Mothers who still baby their adult sons are also a key element of why these men are feminine in their core.
It takes a very traumatized woman to entertain such men. And we have plenty of that in here and I am not ashamed to see that I was very traumatized and unhealed when I met this person. Trauma has nothing to do with beauty, talent or intelligence.
Now, after therapy and inner work, I am grateful that I came out alive and cut the chord from this past experience and making a post about the dangers of such a relationship is something that was on my mind for a while and my soul just waited for the right time. I hope that somewhere this information will touch a woman's soul and make her leave her abuser. God knows that it can literally save her life.
Thank you for reading this!