Living a alone or a lonely life is what millions of people have experienced. You will see lonely people all around you, feeling lonely does really mean that the person is alone, far from it. Many are living with people but they feel alone.
Why? Because that person he shares his or her inner feelings are no more. Death has taken the person that your love and communication are all gone. This contest is reminding so many things I thought I will forget, but I have come to realize that so many pain will live with is until the day we will kick the bucket. I will answer one of the contest question.
How do you feel when alone answering your thoughts? Possibly you shared things in the past with your mother, grandmother, or sister — someone now no longer with you — do you turn to them asking what would they say if they were with you today? Please share those inner thoughts and fears you carry in your heart.
how I feel when I'm alone answering myself.
I have learn the different between loneliness and feeling alone and it is also different from meditation. When I'm alone answering my thoughts, I cry more, I don't remember what to think than to allow the tears roll down until it will stop on its own. After that I feel so cold and hungry even when I'm not ready to eat. Lastly, I will ask myself, is this life all there is?
Feeling like my parents were there
I am the first child of my parents, from early age of my life, I did a lot work in supporting my parents. At a time, my father has to live in another village so that he can expand his farm and have food for his family. During farming season, I will go and stay with him to assist him in the farm . Then I will make garri and come back to my mother . My mother on her part gave an assignment to take her goods to market every morning before going to school.
It was really a stressful life. Sometimes I cry while doing this work, then my grandmother was alive, every holiday, I will stay 2weeks with her, my mother always send me to her when she need help. One day I cried and ask my father, why do you have so many children, it is the reason I am suffering so much.
He said to me to endure a little that everything will be okay. My father loved me so much that he told me every thing I need to know about him and his future plans for his family. That hope kept me going. Before I could know what life is, my father fell sick and from their, he died without fulfilling any of his promises to me. Now my mother took over every family responsibilities and 2 of my younger sister has to live with me.
I thought all will be okay with time not knowing my mother will die just four years after my father's death. Darkness covered light in the day time. I was so confused the day she died because I never dream if it that day. She only complain of abdominal pain and we went to hospital and the doctor said, she won't stay long, before he finished talking, my mom vomited and that was all
To show you how confused I was that day, after her corpse was deposited in the mortuary, the following morning, I prepared food to take to her in the hospital.😭😭😭😭, it was after putting the food in food flax that I remembered she had died which led to uncontrollably cry that day. From that day till now, I have not recovered.
I had a business plan with my mother, my siblings are there, about 2 of them just got married, my two younger brother who are her responsibility to know their problem before sharing it with me are there. Every plan just ended. Today when I have serious decision to make concerning my siblings, I feel my mother should be the one handling this. She is no more, my father is no more so I don't make decision in a hurry, I will ask myself, how will my parents handle this if they are the one.
No matter how much I cry, no one is there for me. It's a life time pain I told myself, you have to move on and know, no one will do it accept you and this has helped me a lot although the vacuum is there. Anytime any of sister put to birth a d they call me, first thing I will say is, if my mother is here, she would be the one to handle this.
Where are your promises?
This was the question I asked my father in the mortuary, father, where are you going, who are you living your children for, is that we agreed? He didn't answer and will not. When mother died too, I was so much afraid, the shock I experienced that day remained for 9 years now, I asked my mother is this your plan with your husband, to bring me out in this world to suffer for your children? It was really devastating till today.
It was said that wound heal with time, I have seen that, but the scar remains. I am doing all I can to cope and manage the the situation even though is not easy at all. @ladiesofhive, thank you for helping me to share this burden with other ladies, it was heavy in my heart and no one to talk to.
Summary
In summary, share your pain with trusted friend, accept help when feeling lonely, play music, pray, dance, exercise and keep yourself busy, that will help you to endure your pain and fear.
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Going through life raising young siblings when parents already departed makes life tough on oldest child. Many children raised homes here were I live, which has left me questioning as an outsider why more cannot be done to assist them.
!LUV
!LADY
It's really challenging to take up the responsibility
Thank you for your support
Thankfully you have managed, now time to enjoy life for yourself.
I wish I have to care for myself
It is tough when we lose people i am not sure we ever fully recover from it although it does hurt less.
Alone time can be good for clarity but too much can bring people down, like everything balance is the key but it is not easy for some.
@ijelady
Have the best week my friend
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!ALIVE
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I'm happy to receive your support
It is more painful if there were struggles from the beginning and plans for a better future. I salute all the first born children, including you, carrying this burden as you are.
Thank you for letting this out, @ijelady
Sending you lots of hugs 🫂
More power to you.
thank you, I feel relief sharing this pain with my hive family
It's really a touching story. Honestly our parents plays important roles in our life's. May the Almighty continue to strengthen you
Your are welcome dear
Alright ma'am
!LADY
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Thank you